Plans for October, first week

 COMMUTE: Monday, 

Week 1 plan and goals:

Walk/Jog: 3 times, 1 mile total of fast walking and jogging mixed

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2. -
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PT: With Ben Tues and Friday, at home Mon, Weds, Thurs, Sat/Sun

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2. -
3. -
4. -
5. -
6. -

LA-F gym:

1. -
2. -
3. -
4. -
5. Bonus

Long ride this weekend: 

Terribly distracted, and it was a rainy week

COMMUTE only Monday
RAINED out the rest of the week

All is good! Just busy and it rained Tuesday - Thursday, so LA gave me a ride to work. Then on Friday we drove to MO for an "exchange".

On Friday morning I talked to Ben about the Return to Running Plan I used for my hip, and I asked if that was applicable to me. He said the plan assumes normal range of motion, which I don't have yet. Ugh. But he showed me the specific measures for that, and now I have goals. I can paint them on the basement floor in tape and work towards it.

I also (seemingly prematurely) laid out a plan starting next week to build into a walk/jog program. Just wait a bit. 

I Get To Try To RUN! & LA Fitness membership

COMMUTE 7.4-ish miles Monday, rained out on Tuesday

My new exercises in PT were: split squat with rear leg on stairs; split squat position with 2 12-lb dumbbells and core rotation; and "runners" with Cori holding a band at my waist. I thought I'd be sore today (Tuesday) but not yet. 

I told Ben I sometimes have the urge just to try running, just to see what happens. The last time I tried this was 4 weeks ago when I couldn't jog across a street intersection. He thought about my statement, and said he was OK with it! WHAT?! YES!!! I promised only a block, and only to try it, and he said not really "running" but more of that running-shuffle without any real vertical to it. 

So naturally later that evening when we walked the dog, we tried it. I only did two tests, short and slow, and the ankle felt uncomfortable. I stopped, knowing I needed to wait more, and I can do that. 

After I got done with Ben I stopped by LA Fitness for my membership. LA as in Los Angeles I think, not my LA at home. I asked if he was interested in a membership, he said he wasn't sure about it given his upcoming med school commitments. But one of the membership options was an "international" level that allowed me to bring a guest - only $10 more than the "city" level. By doing that, I was able to get him a membership of sorts and now he can join me when he can. Also, I took the $150 initiation fee option, which means that my monthly fee is $35 for now and into the future. After 10 months, the different levels of upfront initiation fees level out, but the bonus for the way I picked was it holds at $35 after the 10 months. Otherwise it would be $50/monthly. But in doing this, I'm banking on the idea that I'll be healthy for that long! 

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Liberty Ride

COMMUTE most days
BIKE 18 miles in about 75 mins
COMMUTE Sunday about 9 miles

LA found some gravel roads west of town so he took his gravel bike and I took my gravel bike and we drove out. He spotted a trailhead parking lot, which happened to be just a few tenths away from where I turned in Zeeb a month ago when I rode Liberty for my first post surgery ride.

I'd planned on 10-15 to be easy on the ankles. But the road was good and I felt only minor twinges. LA was like a Tour moto bike, catching up to me with turn directions. We had different ideas of a group ride I guess!

The ankle seems 80-85% good. But steps, curbs, jumping, cutting, laterals, and of course running still out. Ben said on Friday that he has new things for me tomorrow!! I had only one PT last weeks and just two this week. I need to get strict about home PT. Which can now be done in my almost-done home gym! Still working on it, but at least I have a space of my own !

100 days surgery follow up, no M 114 days

COMMUTE most every time
DRIVE 40 hours ugh twice to Missouri

I had a follow up with Dr Backus on Monday the 13th. All is good! Yes I will have imbalances due to a stiff ankle. I should gain back most all of my ROM. And YES - more PT. He says normal to them is being able to walk. I have a new prescription and if the insurance company doesn't accept it, then they will write a letter of support.

The ankle is getting better fast! But I still can't jump off a curb, do stairs, run, play, etc. but at least I know I can look forward to it.

How much longer before I can run? When the imbalances are gone. He said it will hurt, I might only run a quarter mile. It will hurt. I want it to, so I remember all I went through to get here!

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In a separate topic, SO texted me today to say that JOrr had committed suicide. JFC. 

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In a great topic, it's also 100 days no M. Actually, as I type this it's 114 days. I'm still not perfect, but I'm getting better. 

PT gets running faster

COMMUTE both ways, 7.4-ish miles

Great commute, busy day, woke up depressed and had that feeling most of the day, then PT and I feel so much better.

In PT, while doing shuttle squats the assistant Cori (sp?) said she went for a run. I waited, I wanted to know but didn't want to, how many miles did you get to do? 4 miles. She training for a half in October!! And from there, conversation was easier - training, cross country runners, nutrition, my races. Ooohhh the words were so easy to find, the knowledge all there and latent, and I MISS IT.
That was part of the testy morning today, how much I miss doing this. I've said I want to train for the H100 in 2022 and for Titanium in 2023. I don't think LA realizes what this means. Weekends, mornings, hours.

I pulled out 2013 blog book last night. It's like a different person wrote it. I'm looking for a time when things changed. To see if I can find where I started holding on to "something". I think June or July…. Sadly.

September So Far

COMMUTE: missed two afternoons so far, love it though!
ANYTHING ELSE? Nope. Just PT.

And that nothing else is starting to get to me. We spent Labor Day weekend on the house - garage, basement, weeds in front yard - and finally this is starting to feel like we live here. Like really live here, not just staying here a while. We might still do that, but that's for another day.

Saturday as we worked in the garage I kept seeing runners and cyclists going by. That's supposed to be me. But it's not, and it depresses me. And it didn't help any that also on Saturday I uncovered the binder with my SCAD files and realized it was three years ago that day. Three years, and I'm still not recovered from it. I'm still stalled out.

In PT last week, Ben asked how I'm doing, and long story short I said I have many moments in which I feel like I'll never run again. He asked, what will it take until I believe I'll run again. I smiled, when I go for a run! But seriously, he said I need to believe I'll run again in order to get there. I said, I've been injured so much the past years since 2014 that I start to wonder if I'm just not supposed to run anymore. He has a different suggestion, that I needed to process whatever I'm stuck on- a past event or thought or something my body hasn't released yet. By not releasing it, it's manifested as injury. I do and don't believe this, but I believe it. I can think back to a number if things in 2013/2014 that undermined my self confidence, my nutrition, my approach to life, and my self care. Where to begin?! Bens knowledge of astrology, hypnosis, etc takes this to another level. Through lots of deep meditation, he learned of and processed his own blocks, and healed his chronic injuries.

I'd be afraid to go under hypnosis. Monster. Balrog. Blerch.

When I went to bed that night, I tried falling asleep open to thinking about what this could be, and ended up having two dreams: one that I had to live with my ExH but I wanted to live with LA, second that I lived in a cluttered messy house that I needed to clean. Ugh.

So to add to my Saturday depression, the mail delivered a letter from my "Premiere" health insurance telling me that they didn't think I needed much more therapy, that I'm almost normal function. Who the fuck defines normal as unable to play with kids, limo up steps, and lack of full ROM?!

This left me in depressed tears. And now days later I still feel it. I haven't processed what I need to process. And until I do, I'm stuck here.