Long letter to Jessica this morning, overdue, and a Life Lament about "how life is so hard and why do I feel this way" and I realized a few days ago and today that yes, this is life, and this is how it is, and UNLESS I CHANGE then THINGS WON'T CHANGE.
I talked with Mayara Tuesday, her life in Ohio sounds the same as it did in Michigan. The boss. The husband and his health. The stress. I told LA that she physically moved but didn't move in habit. In saying that to LA, I realized - I'm talking about myself! I moved to MI, moved to TN, but didn't CHANGE how I frame life.
I see life as repeating days of chores, packing meals, getting up and getting to bed. I see it as an endless list of things to do. A list of things I'll never get finished.
And as I'm thinking all this, I'm keeping front and center the facts that my sister does this and I don't hear her complaining. LA has WAY more to do than I do, making my list look short. So reality check.
But just like I can't compare my life and happiness to others, like they say about social media peoples, I need to work on me.
Writing the letter to Jess got a lot out of my head and seeing it on paper was a good thing to see.
I grabbed a tiny notebook to write down what's bothering me, the reality of it, my choices to address it, and just get a look at what's in my head.
Yesterday I finished both Pride and Prejudice as well as Jane Eyre. I started Wind in the Willows, a book I received as a gift in 19-fucking-86 and still haven't read. Talk about things lingering on the to do list.
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