Another week of ....failure or change: Considerable Lentitude

I came across a copy of my job description - the real one, not the MC one - and saw the term Considerable Latitude. It struck me in multiple ways. I have considerable latitute, don't I? 

And I don't mean just at the job, but also in my life. And I'll probably never get across here how it sounds in my mind. But while I don't have it at work Oh, but I could, and I don't. 

And I do have it at home, but I don't take advantage of it. 

Case in point - last night came home after my time on the sorter when over time. Home late. Not hungry. Cold, rushed, tired, mind fuzzed. What did I do? Moria. Moria. Moria. 

I had Considerable Latitude in my choices of what to do, and I chose The Depths of Moria. Went to bed unable to sleep, feeling sick. 

My New Moon checklist for yesterday had lots of red. I'm losing, but I'm not trying. 

Wednesday - I realized only yesterday that yesterday was Fat Tuesday. Yup 137. So I'm restarted my checklist for the next 40 days. By wonderful omenic alignment, that's the end of March and under 130. GO GO GO.

Friday I'm not typing much. There's not much to say. We're in such stress about the upcoming Match. 28 days I think. LA is kind of a mess. I don't know what to say to him, everything just gets turned around and thrown back and rejected and I feel helpless about it.

Focusing on me instead, that's all I can control. I have a list of 40 Lent goals. I'm doing better about no iphone meals, but not about that 4th meal in the evening. I'm not exercising beyond my 30 Days Challenge (squats, pushups, planks, crunches) and dog walks (regular evening habit started). Gym, running? No. 

I'm reading a LOT, using books as a distraction? I started a "108 List" of fiction books. There's really more than 108 books, more like 116, but realistically I might only get to 108. 

We travel this weekend to Chenoa, next weekend to St Louis, next weekend he travels to MO, next weekend we go to MO, the next weekend we MATCH and go to MO. Again!