Second week of 2024

Monday RUN 2.2 miles at gym for 30 mins
Tuesday ELLIPTICAL 30 mins and also 2.1 miles, so I'm slow as fuck right now
Wednesday RUN 2.2 miles again
Thursday REST, sleep

Monday just under 5 hour of sleep, I didn't talk LA to work but drove on my own. And picked up a super excited Nova! Home, shower, work. I have a LONG list of things to do. And updating this is NOT on the list!

Tuesday fucking bloody  hell I had this typed up and then it wouldn't save, and I thought well I need to say more, and I said it, and it didn't save. Here I am again, I'll try to rewrite it:

I woke up to 1378 and misread it as 1338 and FUCKING HELL WTF. Well, last night I came home hungry and post-errands and unplanned and ate: salmon, applesauce, rice, potato, crackers, a few nuts, 2 dates with butter, bites of turkey and cranberry sauce (I FORGOT this in the previous type up), sauerkraut, and what else am I forgetting?!? Oh yea, the two buttered breads I ate at 1200am yesterday morning when we came home). FUCK, the fucking chocolate yesterday morning. FUCK the cocoa-milk-butter mix I ate too. I want to list this line by line so I can SEE it. But to have that in my post history?! Remembered Olives. And Dolmas. I could cry.

salmon

applesauce

potato

rice

chocolate

saurkraut

cocoa

more cocoa

turkey

cranberry sauce

crackers

crackers

nuts

olives

3 dolmas

JFC, anything else. ?

I keep saying I need to change, but I'm not doing it. I keep making the same mistakes. In what world does cherry jelly slices and repeat noms (notice how you just solo obsessive nom in hotel rooms, SOLO!?) and this and that and forget and forgot - in what world does that add up to positive change?! I can count many changes - I avoided all other candies, didn't buy protein powder, threw away much of the chocolate bar, ....  

But look at that list, and ask yourself, how in the world is that positive change for the better? And go back right now, and bold all the things you didn't log! I could cry. 

Just.... just.....change! Try! Please. 

Do I want to keep this post?

Wednesday reread the above and absorb it first...go ahead, I'll wait. OK, wow, lotsa pain in that. Yesterday to avoid that all over again I packed a veggie snack for after 3pm, and I created a Come Home Goals list of tiny chores, and planned to drink water from my new bee cup. It worked!! I came home to a light grab of turkey while feeding the dog, then went upstairs for chores. So...keep this up. 

Today 1364, it still hurts. I have a HUGE list of to-dos. All these plans. I want a better journal (one page per day), I want to go back to my folded-iNotes method, I want set checklists for the day.... plan plan plan needs to Do Do Do.

Thursday woke up to 1370 and I feel terrible. But let's rewind. Last night was almost 2 dinners - before phone call and after, stressed standing random. It spiraled into trying Jess's caramels, oats + FB+ maple granules.

Happenstance that the BLE cook book and BLE eBook came to me. Like an omen. I started reading, and my first impression is like "whoa lots of veggies, that's be easy" then I realized that I'm NOT eating veggies much. Like dinner? Was supposed to be broccoli and turkey and some carb. But it turned into some turkey and caramels and cocoa+FB+applesauce and oats+FB+maple and nuts and pickles and ooooh a BITE of carrot. 

So BLE it is, starting on Today's New Moon.