DrB00108 reaches one year

Will I be able to remember what that means? Sadly, likely, yes.

This reaches one year TOMORROW. The 21st. 

150 start - Oct plateau

ONE YEAR ALREADY? Waste some more time, and read back to then....

I wasn't posting much, and my April 14th post was about being sick in March, COVID, and U Mich.

I actually used the term "M the fuck out". I lamented the upcoming changes. Acknowledge my denial. And wrote this: 

But I'm stuck. I've been stuck since the heart attack in Sept 2018. I realized soon enough that I need to leave STL, I can't keep driving my that great hill I used to run, pass the park I used to run, the trails I used to run, the pool I used to swim, the route I used to ride, the paths I used to ride. The mental strain of this is manifesting in M, the mental monster that lives in my head, that sabotages any positive forward progress I make.

Is this what I need to get unstuck? Initially my plans were to leave STL in a few years, but I had no where to go. I entertained just moving back home, but my job with mean quitting science. So since I felt I had no where to go, I stayed. Driving by and reliving old memories, day after day. Memories of what used to be.

A year ago I committed to changes. I'm still here. And I'm still stuck...