1406: "Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing"

 Ouch. But it's true. I'm choosing this. I'm choosing the old habits and old ways and old mechanisms.

I'm listening to Tom again, now and then. A recent pod was called "Deem yourself worthy", one of his phrases. I started listening to him in 2015, since he started and since my new life started. I've wanted to change since then. I'm still wanting to change, all the same things I wanted to change then I still need to change now.

OK, not ALL things. But the Main Things I wanted to change, I still want and need to change.

Post after post after post here, I keep saying the same things. Yet, still again I need to say it. 

So I can conclude from this, that I'm choosing these things instead of changing them.

I used to have a file in my Drive called Danaus or Chrysalis or something in which I tracked my habits. It started off small then over time built into a 30-something habit tracker over time. Some of the habits stayed for the duration of the tracking: M, STFD, Blerch, etc. I can't find the file, so I guess I've deleted it. You can delete the file, but you can't delete the bad habits so easily!

I did delete the Balog - 693 days ago! 

I have four main bad habits right now, and since Jan 1st I've been tracking them Today is 112 days into the year, how's it going?

M as recent at April 20th. 41 days or a 37% fail rate.
Az as recent at April 10th, 11 days or a 12% fail rate. Really Feb 10th with AzucBowl. 
CO as recent as last night, 30 days or a 27% fail rate
8pm again last night, 24 days or a 21% fail rate. 

I should also do the success rates, but in light of the LACK of progress and change - it's not really a success, is it?

Damn. 37% fail with M. I "quit" again on the 20th, after rice cereal. So I'm barely 1.73 days into this new Never Ever Again start. 

It's like quitting smoking. You have to quit over and over before succeeding? 

This blog is supposed to be a training log, but since once again I'm injured there's no training to log. I try to not post things like this here, but maybe this can be my way to track a different type of training. The re-training of habits? Is it worth it? Do I want to have MORE tracking of all this?

For now, the focus is on Death of M, the need to Lose St Louis. On IF and gut issues. 

CHOOSE CHANGE!