This post has been percolating in my head for weeks, if not months. Pieces of it would come and go with no thread to hold them together. I wasn't ready to put the thoughts "to paper", so they stayed in my head. Bouncing, growing, changing all the while. Most times I was too busy to flush them out, some times I was too tired to make sense of them.
This triathlon thing has gone from a weekend warrior hobby to my lifestyle. Not a day goes by without me scheming and plotting about the next big race, a PR, even a minor training goal. Each week is planned into a Google calendar, each day roughed out by the hour so I can fit everything in.
So many things change when you've lived like this a few years. How can I sum them up in a blog post? How to I convey to anyone (including myself as a reader years from now) how this all feels?
Well let's not get too overwhelmed by all these thoughts. Let's start with how I'm feeling right now about 2014.
Lifestyle goals started this year:
Be more active. Doesn't that sound funny? I'm running 50+ miles or training 12+ hours a week and I'm looking for more activity?! I'd read that even leaning against a wall can rest the legs. Advice I took too literally, and got into the habit of investing the 1-2 hrs/day of training followed by being off my feet as much as possible in the remaining hours. Another Bee Binary, I guess: All Or Nothing.
In mid-2013 I started incorporating activity into my weekdays. I started commuting by bike again. I added stair climbs when I could. Working on the 7th floor of a building gives ample opportunity! Sometimes I'm carrying items not safe for stairs, but when I can I step-step and skip the lift. This was only hard at first, after a few weeks I was still tired but looked forward to the rush of movement.
The other change I made was changing to a standing desk, again as much as possible. This backfired at first. Even though I tried to gradually add hours to the standing day, I did overdue it a bit over the summer and ended up with sore feets. It was likely a combination of bad shoes and too much too soon. While I don't stand as much at my desk space nowadays (the computer hardware is poorly placed, leaving me slightly slouched) I do stand more at other times. (Although I think I'd benefit if I sat more to eat!)
Better sleep. I use heavy drapes to create a dark cave with minimal distractions. And I set an alarm on my phone to act as a reminder to shut down and head to bed. Recently my sleep schedule has been an 8-9 through 4-5 solid snooze-fest. It feels great, and it's better recovery than leaning against a wall!
No Forced Feedings. Another funny. But I've been in the habit of making myself eat what I thought was an appropriate amount of food so I wouldn't lose weight. My body weight has been mostly constant for years, maybe due to this habit. But I'd go to bed so full I'm sick, or eat a breakfast that left me uncomfy for hours. I stopped doing that, and went more by feel. If I missed a meal or ate less, I didn't worry about it. To my surprise I rapidly lost a goodly number of pounds, and I feel better for it all! I'm not wasting away or famished.
Being determined instead of stubborn. A Bee Binary. My fatigue levels and mood generally dictate this - my inability to recognize that my plan is not working for me and that I need a change. Sometimes I get mindlessly wrapped up in whatever is directly in front of me, and I can't change the gears in order to address what is next or more important. I'm getting better at stepping back from a bad Zombie-Brain moment to examine why I'm doing what I'm doing, and how to improve on it. A good example is going to the pool and being dead set on swimming the prescribed sets, when I know I need to step back and do some drills.
Still some work to do on these: Climb 4 stair sets instead of 2 or 3. Get away from the kitchen counter and stretch on the floor. Better yet, get away from the kitchen counter and its uncomfy bar stool chairs and really get the feet up to rest. Set a reminder to not sit for more than 15 mins. Use brief wait periods to stretch the back and arms, walk to see some sunshine instead of sitting. And the Forced Feedings do continue to some extent, one example being the other night when I overate on salmon thinking "I needed more protein".
Lifestyle goals for starting now:
Walk on water: I can go hours at work or home without drinking. So a new goal is to sip from all those water fountains I pass by all day. I tend to dislike water bubblers - cold water, drippy chin, and potential disease - but I can do this. I already am, I started yesterday!
Give me a bigger bowl: My biggest problem in cooking is that I always grab a bowl or pan that's too small. Or I start working at a bench or counter top too cluttered to work effectively. Or, more to my triathlon point, I set myself up with a tight schedule, messily packed bag, or disorganized plan that keeps me from hitting my training goals without hurry, rush, stress, and loss of either food or time. Instead I should be prepared with both packing and scheduling to give myself enough space to enjoy the time I have and make the most of it.
Dig deep: This is perhaps a duplicate or extension of being determined and not stubborn? But it involves more of the 'Reason Or Excuse' Bee Binary. Like my swim on Monday - I didn't move fast through the morning, didn't want to go to the pool, didn't want to go to work. Why not? Was I poorly fueled? Low on carbs or hydration and cranky? Was I trying to avoid something like cold water? Did I not have an effective plan, did I overreach and overwhelm myself? I'd like to learn to step back and fix things like this, as they can impact on my mood and outlook. Dig deeper and find the real source to avoid that feeling of forcing myself to do something.
Reduce screen time: This one could be hard, as I'm typing this at a screen!! But what I'm really referring to is the useless screen time. Sure I have lots to do online, between my personal goals, Club chores, and work. But I tend to mindlessly browse the web when I'm tired during the late afternoons, when I could be playing with the dog or getting housework done. It seems to put me into Zombie-Brain Mode, it wastes time, and it leaves me standing at the kitchen counter, usually mindlessly eating a meal. So my goal is to just set a reminder to enjoy it a few minutes, then get going. And no walking the halls staring at that stupid phone all the time! I've reduced this lately and I'm liking it.
Finally, and as a build on the above point - Fix mealtime! Oh man this has been a goal for what seems years. I mange-mange through most meals: hurried, surfing, standing, mindless, no plate, sometimes no utensils! Then I get done and can barely remember what I ate. Take this morning's brekkie for example: apple, sweet potato with ghee, piece of chocolate, with coffee and surfing. Then a trainer ride. Then zucchini, pepper, eggs with surfing. Then a bit of portobello mushroom, then picking at some turkey, then picking at some meatballs, then feeling sick... It's the follow-up picking and manging that gets me. I don't feel satisfied. Oh, and I'm not drinking water during the meal. This sets me up to drink water afterwards, which feels awful on a too-full stomach! This goal sounds so simple, but it must not be because I've set this goal over and over and over, only to fail. Why? Dig deep here... I think it's just a bad habit!
I'm sensing a pattern here...I seem to be wasting a lot of time, and feeling guilty about it. I wake up then sit around and surf. I sometimes slowly move through what was supposed to be a well-orchestrated morning. I get to 2nd brekkie and lose focus. I feel guilty about this and get mad at myself. I get resentful of having to go to work (probably because I can't waste time as much there...). I get tired at work, lose focus, ignore somethings that need to get done, and waste time. I get home hungry and tired, then stand around to eat a meal in a hurry before walking the dog. Once home again I'm still in time-waste mode, I stand around doing more screen time that isn't effective or necessary.
So....it seems a nice coincidence that tomorrow is January 1st and it's a New Moon day. Then 30 days later is another New Moon day. 30 days....get it?! What about a LifestyleWhole30? Just 30 days of putting these new ideas to work so see what I can fix and improve on. I doubt 30 days is enough for a complete overhaul, but it's a great start. I'm not usually the New Year's Resolution type, but I do love me a good challenge, so here goes.
Some specific suggestions:
1. Set the reminders to get up after 15 minutes. Use it to get moving and get re-focused.
2. Change some of the screen time to scheduling and packing time.
3. Walk down the hall or down a few flights to find a water fountain.
4. Sleep in instead of surfing if that's how the morning can be structured.
5. Be honest with myself, and start addressing my slow mornings, Zombie Brains, and bad habits. What's driving them?
OK so speaking of which -- I've been sitting for quite some time (at work, no less!), I need to pee, and there's a water fountain on the way there...
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