NOT MUCH
That's what I've been doing. Not much. Haven't biked since Thanksgiving, trying to rest the hip(s) and just recovery physically and mentally. It's draining to always be in some sort of pain.
The right hip is the worst of the two, and the left hip is probably just a compensation issue. Earlier this month Dr L treated the anterior hip connections (sartorius, rector femoris, TFL, and glut med) (assuming I'm spelling them correctly). This left me with large swollen bruises but no change in condition. So boo.
I'm walking a lot more, and noticed in the last day or so that walking Sugar at her slow pace is worse than just walking. I've been listing the good and the bad for the hips:
Good: down steps, standing, sitting, full forward flexion
Bad: climbing steps on bilateral anterior hip; lying on my side for more than a few minutes, a deep bone-like ache in varied locations from hip to foot; first few steps after sitting for a period, a pain in the joint soft tissues that leaves my leg feeling weak.
Nutrition is going great, many new foods and much less apprehension. Thanks to LA for exposure therapy and stress reduction, encouragement and patience.
Thanksgiving went great, no issues with trying foods and mental stuffs. The anxiety that started to cripple me is fading but is still there.
Just not much to say, except I'm actually going on a vacation next week!!!!! OMG, what the hell, right?
Friday, December 13, 2019
Tuesday, November 19, 2019
Hugs, ginger, and persective
Saturday COMMUTE 9.2
Sunday rest because my hips and knees hurt
Monday COMMUTE 9.2
Tuesday COMMUTE 9.2
I'm just so happy I can type in something that I did, that I went and detailed all those days. Because.
Friday was the start of a mental downward spiral that ended with me falling asleep near tears. Why? Fuck I dunno. I rarely cry. Tears don't fix anything. I felt helpless, I guess. I felt sick and nauseated and weak and pained, and it culminated into a mental crack.
Also on Friday I started reading Dr Google (Google is a she, so it was google-bitch) (and yes I know the dangers of asking Dr Google anything) about a potential source of my symptoms -- the new IUD. Placed last October of 2018, and while I can't say my symptoms directly correlate with that time line, it's something on the list of differentials.
I found many anecdotal stories from women playing themselves as victims of a fraudulent and lie-filled industry that covers the evidence of side effects and pathology. I'm terrible, I know, but even I read these stories and myself get sucked into the "omg me2" mentality. The symptoms they list only partially overlap with me, so I'm not fully convinced. But as a way to get myself out of this loop I emailed Dr McM (see Tuesday for update).
Anyway, I fell asleep in a low energy, negative, depressed mood with hip pain, almost no food because I felt sick, and still blood pooling in my ankle. Oh, and near tears. I woke up in a similar fashion, I felt sick after breakfast and just headed to work knowing that if I stayed home I'd fall in another trap of being sick and depressed.
Once at work, the feeling continued. I couldn't shake the mental sludge even with PCR. LA called and I didn't want to talk about it, it would just make it more real, but he pulled it out of me. I told him about the Dr L visit, (didn't mention the Dr McM results), the bike ride, the crash, the fear that "something is wrong with me". I'm such a wimp. Jeezus. A PanZee. JFC.
He took me to FoPa for a walk, exactly what I needed -- to get away from myself and my thoughts. First off a big hug. I didn't know I needed that. We walked past the spot I crashed, then back along the trail to the skating rink, stopped on a bridge and talked. He made a good point, many actually, one being that I'm too focused on this and stressing myself out. That innumerable biochemical reactions are taking place in my, that I can't control all of it, that I needed to just step back.
Ah. Perspective. TB is good for that too. Haven't talked to her in months....
Anyway, my counter to this is that I can't keep living this way -- feeling sick, having the now near-constant pain each night, the back-to-back injuries, the fear of the next injury, the inability to fix what is going on. Maybe it can't be fixed. But I have to try. In the meantime though, relax.
He took me to Kirkwood for ginger. Yummy! We sorta planned on meeting up later to just rest, but he had homework and I don't want to get him in trouble. I didn't eat much for dinner, still feeling sick, I'm not even sure I ate dinner actually... He' ask: are you OK. Answer: Yes. Ask: are you sure? Answer, no. Ugh. Hate this.
Sunday back to work, and later shopping. To my surprise, I did get and didn't sabotage myself like I normally do. WIN. Oh, and this was DAY 2 OF NO M. I'm calmer.
There's a definite correlation between my mood and my gut condition. I'm not sure which comes first -- do I feel sick then I feel mental? --or do I feel mental and then I feel sick? I'm sure there's a feedback mechanism though -- once one starts the other feeds off it, then the other feeds off that, and so on.
Monday. All day Sunday I didn't feel sick, and the same all day here too. But I was a bit mental, I wanted to be alone and did the mouse house weaning on my own. Didn't eat much all day and felt better for it, but low energy. Returned the key fob to JonT at the Soulard gym (finally) and delivered a SCOBY to him, Walgreen's again for the prescription fix, and was going to go to Jay's to buy bok choi (recommended by nutritionist) but my mind kept skipping to buying ginger candy and persimmons instead. Ah...a hint...don't go to Jay's. IT'S A TRAP! Haha. So went to Schnucks and to my total amazement walked right by the problematic chocolate (problem because nutritionist says 'eat more' and I instead use it as a meal replacement) and bought ONLY GREENS. ONLY. OMG.
And I was tempted by the cho in the truck, but threw it out instead. OMG. Day 3
There's a definite correlation between how much I eat and how I feel for the next 1-6 hours. I can work that out, experiment, and find the balance.
Tuesday. Repeat of Monday -- small meals, not much food but feel GREAT. Heard back from Dr McM regarding my IUD question. I like her answer! I did OK with the first Mirena, I don't have other estrogen options because of my "cardiac history", and menopause?! She mentioned a test for FSH, and yes I'll do it! And I'll read up more on menopause.
Day 4.
Thursday, November 14, 2019
I might just go crazy. Seems very likely actually. Maybe tomorrow.
COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Finally Monday night's snow and ice is cleared enough to bike to work again. There's still some patches under the trees, so gotta be careful.
My calf injury from last Tuesday's tempter tantrum is not improving much. Last week the blood pooled around my ankle, that cleared, but now more blood pooled there. Lined up against where my sock pressed into the swollen skin, and more dark stain down along the heel pad. Notably, it's medial on the ankle while the injury is lateral. There's blood pooled under the injury side too, but not as apparent. Yesterday my ankle was very swollen, puffy and not healthy looking. Same today.
It hurts to walk, touch, stretch. It's a focal pain. Now my injury-battled brain is worried about another fracture, since the pain isn't abating like a muscle injury might. I looked at anatomy pictures yesterday and don't see the head of the fibula at that spot but do think it's possible I hit the lateral top of the tibia? It couldn't have fractured, gotta just be bruised if anything? It was a sliding fall on limestone....not a fracture situation. But my poor brain goes there anyway.
At what point do I seek treatment? I don't want to do that, but ...... sometimes it helps heal faster. Case in point -- the right hip. I would have kept biking and maybe even running without that diagnosis.
And my right hip is hurting, and if I'm honest with myself the pubic bone aches too. At least I think it does. It's hard being honest. Last night the outer hip hurt, whatever soft-tissue is the source, it burned and ached. When I lie there and think about it, it feels like my femur aches too. I've had this a long time now, mentioned it to Dr L, and he sees a nerve injury/entrapment/adhesion issue. I like his version better, come'on, a bone ache? WTF does that even mean? It's just the words I have to describe it.
So again pain while in bed, an ache in the pubic bone, and now this calf bullshit. This morning walking the dog (in her adorbz butternut/pumpkin coat...aww) I jogged across Jefferson and thought "wouldn't a long walk and/or jog be nice over lunch? By the end of the walk, I was in near-anxiety attack because of the hip and calf pains.
It turns my stomach, to think I'm injured. My brain sludges and won't process. I feel smothered. Weak. Heavy. Unable to get out.
This isn't my body. What's happened?
Finally Monday night's snow and ice is cleared enough to bike to work again. There's still some patches under the trees, so gotta be careful.
My calf injury from last Tuesday's tempter tantrum is not improving much. Last week the blood pooled around my ankle, that cleared, but now more blood pooled there. Lined up against where my sock pressed into the swollen skin, and more dark stain down along the heel pad. Notably, it's medial on the ankle while the injury is lateral. There's blood pooled under the injury side too, but not as apparent. Yesterday my ankle was very swollen, puffy and not healthy looking. Same today.
It hurts to walk, touch, stretch. It's a focal pain. Now my injury-battled brain is worried about another fracture, since the pain isn't abating like a muscle injury might. I looked at anatomy pictures yesterday and don't see the head of the fibula at that spot but do think it's possible I hit the lateral top of the tibia? It couldn't have fractured, gotta just be bruised if anything? It was a sliding fall on limestone....not a fracture situation. But my poor brain goes there anyway.
At what point do I seek treatment? I don't want to do that, but ...... sometimes it helps heal faster. Case in point -- the right hip. I would have kept biking and maybe even running without that diagnosis.
And my right hip is hurting, and if I'm honest with myself the pubic bone aches too. At least I think it does. It's hard being honest. Last night the outer hip hurt, whatever soft-tissue is the source, it burned and ached. When I lie there and think about it, it feels like my femur aches too. I've had this a long time now, mentioned it to Dr L, and he sees a nerve injury/entrapment/adhesion issue. I like his version better, come'on, a bone ache? WTF does that even mean? It's just the words I have to describe it.
So again pain while in bed, an ache in the pubic bone, and now this calf bullshit. This morning walking the dog (in her adorbz butternut/pumpkin coat...aww) I jogged across Jefferson and thought "wouldn't a long walk and/or jog be nice over lunch? By the end of the walk, I was in near-anxiety attack because of the hip and calf pains.
It turns my stomach, to think I'm injured. My brain sludges and won't process. I feel smothered. Weak. Heavy. Unable to get out.
This isn't my body. What's happened?
Tuesday, November 12, 2019
Full moon morning
Couldn't see the full moon, was too cold. 11F when I walked the dog, and although sunny and nice it wasn't a good walk for her. I had to carry her butt half a block. I don't think she's feeling good, so I'll call the vet today. She scooted Sunday, I'm guessing that's it.
Well anyway, it's been one week since my meltdown temper tantrum and I feel like I've made ZERO progress on it. Not that I'm giving up, but just expressing frustration. My left hand scabs are healing slowly, the winter gloves and gloves at work are hard on healing. My right elbow still very bruised. My left calf is worrisome. For the second time now, I can see pooled blood at my ankle under the injury. It hurts and aches. My luck I cracked something else. Ha. But it doesn't hurt like a break, but rather like the bruised swollen leg that it is. Still very bruised.
I got what I wanted -- an excuse to not run. Haven't had the urge to run on the leg, it hurts to even jog across the street. Got what I wanted.
But haven't been getting what I want with the nutrition. I need to get back on track. My numbers as logged and measured are NOT improving. I'm still low on the nutrients pointed out to me, and spent the last 3 days feeling sick for what I'd eaten.
This morning, threw out the add-ins to the yogurt and stuck to my meal plan. Still not feeling great, swollen, and bloated. One of the problems I think I cause for myself is eating too big of a breakfast, then I feel sick the rest of the day. And the nuts, or maybe the fat in the nuts, or both, or specifically one type of fat, whatever it is -- gives me an awful too-full about-to-burst about-to-vomit pressure in my throat. Not an allergy type of thing though. But back off the nuts and find better.
So far, the greens seem to be doing OK with me (thank you Instant Pot).
30 days of perfect nutrition. I'm one week in. 7 days minus 3. Only at 4/30. Ugh.
Well anyway, it's been one week since my meltdown temper tantrum and I feel like I've made ZERO progress on it. Not that I'm giving up, but just expressing frustration. My left hand scabs are healing slowly, the winter gloves and gloves at work are hard on healing. My right elbow still very bruised. My left calf is worrisome. For the second time now, I can see pooled blood at my ankle under the injury. It hurts and aches. My luck I cracked something else. Ha. But it doesn't hurt like a break, but rather like the bruised swollen leg that it is. Still very bruised.
I got what I wanted -- an excuse to not run. Haven't had the urge to run on the leg, it hurts to even jog across the street. Got what I wanted.
But haven't been getting what I want with the nutrition. I need to get back on track. My numbers as logged and measured are NOT improving. I'm still low on the nutrients pointed out to me, and spent the last 3 days feeling sick for what I'd eaten.
This morning, threw out the add-ins to the yogurt and stuck to my meal plan. Still not feeling great, swollen, and bloated. One of the problems I think I cause for myself is eating too big of a breakfast, then I feel sick the rest of the day. And the nuts, or maybe the fat in the nuts, or both, or specifically one type of fat, whatever it is -- gives me an awful too-full about-to-burst about-to-vomit pressure in my throat. Not an allergy type of thing though. But back off the nuts and find better.
So far, the greens seem to be doing OK with me (thank you Instant Pot).
30 days of perfect nutrition. I'm one week in. 7 days minus 3. Only at 4/30. Ugh.
Monday, November 11, 2019
30 days fail
Saturday BIKE! 20.7 miles around Fo Pa and Wydown, in 1:23
and COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Sunday COMMUTE 9.2 miles
I'm just now (on Tuesday) calling up the Garmin file on this Saturday ride, and I see the Training Effect is "5.0 Overreaching". I'm not sure what that means. I can take a guess. Garmin says "This activity was very demanding. While it can significantly improve your cardiorespiratory fitness, it can become harmful without enough recovery time and should be done sparingly."
Sparingly. Fuck off.
The ave HR was 157, ok that's a bit high but it's also the wrist reading so I'm not fully trusting it. It was a great ride, maybe the last warm t-shirt level weekend of the season. I wore my beloved Rapha jacket but no bike shorts, a bit of chafing from that. Worth it.
Sparingly. WTF?
Anyway, Friday night I went to return the key fob to the gym I almost joined in Soulard, but the 6pm class was a nothing no-show not even the lights on. Dammit. Off to make something of this, I decide to get some of the groceries. Stopped at Jay's and got the tofu and tahini I thought I'd try. Aldi's got good on my list but picked up rice cakes for the tahini.
Naturally this all made me sick to my stomach. Worse yet, M threw out the rice cakes before going to bed, knowing if I ate more the next day it would just continue. I tried more tahini in the morning and spent the rest of the day sick. Pressure in my throat, like my stomach pushing up my esophagus, nauseated, not hungry. I do the bike ride at 330pm on just a clementine orange. Still feeling sick I try to eat some dinner. Of course I had to have some tahini, part of me figures if I'm already sick what's the difference? Ugh.
Sunday morning my hips hurt! The soft tissues took a beating from the ride. I'd hoped to ride again today but that's a bad idea. More tahini, as I'm still sick. I throw the rest of it away. Sick the rest of the day as I cleared the yard and enjoyed the 65F weather. Didn't enjoy how my stomach felt.
More errands and I thought about some walnuts, ginger, and dark chocolate as stir-ins for my yogurt. Take a guess how this went. Not good. Fucking M. Sunday night was a total loss of stomach happiness.
Monday a cold front was coming in, the temps expected to be 15F overnight with 1-2" of snow. All day Monday sick, at lunch time I nearly threw up. Drive home nibbled M some macadamia nuts, those were OK. And dinner was almost OK.
I gotta get back on track.
and COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Sunday COMMUTE 9.2 miles
I'm just now (on Tuesday) calling up the Garmin file on this Saturday ride, and I see the Training Effect is "5.0 Overreaching". I'm not sure what that means. I can take a guess. Garmin says "This activity was very demanding. While it can significantly improve your cardiorespiratory fitness, it can become harmful without enough recovery time and should be done sparingly."
Sparingly. Fuck off.
The ave HR was 157, ok that's a bit high but it's also the wrist reading so I'm not fully trusting it. It was a great ride, maybe the last warm t-shirt level weekend of the season. I wore my beloved Rapha jacket but no bike shorts, a bit of chafing from that. Worth it.
Sparingly. WTF?
Anyway, Friday night I went to return the key fob to the gym I almost joined in Soulard, but the 6pm class was a nothing no-show not even the lights on. Dammit. Off to make something of this, I decide to get some of the groceries. Stopped at Jay's and got the tofu and tahini I thought I'd try. Aldi's got good on my list but picked up rice cakes for the tahini.
Naturally this all made me sick to my stomach. Worse yet, M threw out the rice cakes before going to bed, knowing if I ate more the next day it would just continue. I tried more tahini in the morning and spent the rest of the day sick. Pressure in my throat, like my stomach pushing up my esophagus, nauseated, not hungry. I do the bike ride at 330pm on just a clementine orange. Still feeling sick I try to eat some dinner. Of course I had to have some tahini, part of me figures if I'm already sick what's the difference? Ugh.
Sunday morning my hips hurt! The soft tissues took a beating from the ride. I'd hoped to ride again today but that's a bad idea. More tahini, as I'm still sick. I throw the rest of it away. Sick the rest of the day as I cleared the yard and enjoyed the 65F weather. Didn't enjoy how my stomach felt.
More errands and I thought about some walnuts, ginger, and dark chocolate as stir-ins for my yogurt. Take a guess how this went. Not good. Fucking M. Sunday night was a total loss of stomach happiness.
Monday a cold front was coming in, the temps expected to be 15F overnight with 1-2" of snow. All day Monday sick, at lunch time I nearly threw up. Drive home nibbled M some macadamia nuts, those were OK. And dinner was almost OK.
I gotta get back on track.
Friday, November 8, 2019
One week in, update and learneds so far
BIKE COMMUTE all days except today. Just didn't feel it. (Cold pansy)
So it's Friday, I'm one full week out of my initial visit with JenMcD, and on the 7th day of the 'nutrition plan', that plan being simply a rotation of the two example days they sent me. I know they don't mean for me to repeat those two days over and over like this, but I gotta start somewhere. And having to decide what to eat - whether it's right or enough or filling or maxematically (new word for me, haha, means max'd out mathematically) ideal - is one of my stresses.
Anyway. I quickly realized in food logging that I was more symptomatic than I realized, most days feeling sick, overfull, bloated, refluxy, not hungry. It quickly narrowed down to butternut squash and/or broccoli, by alternating meals with one or the other and tracking symptoms. I figured this out right around the time of the meeting, so when I got the 'plan' of suggested foods I immediately swapped them out. Put in olives instead of butternut. They didn't have broccoli in the plan.
Plan has 3 meals and multiple snacks, I didn't know what to do with the snacks, I don't think of myself as a "snacker" since I'd eat breakfast and dinner and that's sometimes it. But I give it a whirl anyway. Quantities aren't mentioned, so I don't list them here.
Day 1: eggs, greek yogurt, avocado; orange and nuts; chicken, sauteed spinach, carrot, potato sauteed in olive oil, nutritional yeast; dark chocolate; fish and acorn squash; crystallized ginger and dark chocolate.
Day 2: egg omelete with sauteed greens, avocado; yogurt berries and ginger; salmon cakes with zucchini and potato; butternut, nuts, dark chocolate; chicken with beets avocado.
WTF are salmon cakes? Oh and crystallized ginger there because LA had bought me a pound of it and it ended up in my pre-meeting food log. Haven't eaten it since.
So in summary, lots more greens and add in nuts.
I had to make changes, as I'm not into sauteing things, had to swap out the squash, and used egg whites with maybe one yolk. And that seems still like a lot of food once it's packed up for the next day, but I might only think that because I don't usually pack all my food to see it all at once.
So after one week -- almost no gut symptoms! (Might also help that LA is out of country and I'm not eating new foods late at night...). My energy is OK, I'm going to bed not feeling sick, most all bloating is gone. I'm not using things like ketchup, mayo, no salad bars, not nomming randoms because of the accountability of having to log it. But I've had a few days of dizzy-when-standing-up, maybe lower than usual salt?
And this next week? I'm planning to just keep rotating the schedule. I've added in dill pickles for salt. Gotta find a better option for the nuts, I don't really like them. And the dark chocolate...well that becomes a meal so I don't have a firm grasp on that relationship right now. I tried it twice this week and it's just not a good option for me. I've been using baking cocoa on my yogurt instead.
Well in the end I'm shooting for my 30 Days of Perfect Nutrition. When I log all this into the Cronometer and don't include the supplements and vitamins, I see that I'm still low on the nutrients already pointed out to me: folate, calcium, iron, magnesium. Copper was also on the list, but addition of kale took care of that. All B vitamins boosted with use of nutritional yeast.
Nutrients: what I already eat; + what they recommend
Folate: my avo and zucchini; + avo, mustard green, nut yeast
Calcium: yogurt; + tofu, collard,
Iron: beets; + tofu, spinach, dark chocolate
Magnesium: + zucchini potatoes chicken.
Tofu -- yuck but OK. Tempeh looks good in calcium and iron, folate, and magnesium. So put that in instead of dark chocolate? I think I tolerated it OK. Oh what about natto?!
100 calories of Tofu Tempeh Natto
Folate: 6.1% 3.1% 0.9%
Calcium: 26% 5.7% 10%
Iron: 11.5% 7.7% 23%
Magnesium: 12% 10.3% 13.6%
Sounds like I could alternate them? But look for a tofu option. One block of tofu for $2 looks about 3-4 servings. Put in instead of nuts. Yuck but....find a recipe! Maybe ask BE since he does the vegan Wednesdays, or try the baked tofu recipe I just surfed up.
OK have ideas, off to the week! (And back to work, my PCR almost done)
-------
One last update. I still hurt from Tuesday's bike incident. My left hand knuckles are raw but the purple faded. My left elbow bruised, the deltoid and shoulder improved just sore, and my left knee/calf very bruised, scraped, and sore. My neck much improved. Ugh. Nice one tj.
Greens, I should look for a mixed bag or pre-make a batch cuz the daily chop and cook deters me.
So it's Friday, I'm one full week out of my initial visit with JenMcD, and on the 7th day of the 'nutrition plan', that plan being simply a rotation of the two example days they sent me. I know they don't mean for me to repeat those two days over and over like this, but I gotta start somewhere. And having to decide what to eat - whether it's right or enough or filling or maxematically (new word for me, haha, means max'd out mathematically) ideal - is one of my stresses.
Anyway. I quickly realized in food logging that I was more symptomatic than I realized, most days feeling sick, overfull, bloated, refluxy, not hungry. It quickly narrowed down to butternut squash and/or broccoli, by alternating meals with one or the other and tracking symptoms. I figured this out right around the time of the meeting, so when I got the 'plan' of suggested foods I immediately swapped them out. Put in olives instead of butternut. They didn't have broccoli in the plan.
Plan has 3 meals and multiple snacks, I didn't know what to do with the snacks, I don't think of myself as a "snacker" since I'd eat breakfast and dinner and that's sometimes it. But I give it a whirl anyway. Quantities aren't mentioned, so I don't list them here.
Day 1: eggs, greek yogurt, avocado; orange and nuts; chicken, sauteed spinach, carrot, potato sauteed in olive oil, nutritional yeast; dark chocolate; fish and acorn squash; crystallized ginger and dark chocolate.
Day 2: egg omelete with sauteed greens, avocado; yogurt berries and ginger; salmon cakes with zucchini and potato; butternut, nuts, dark chocolate; chicken with beets avocado.
WTF are salmon cakes? Oh and crystallized ginger there because LA had bought me a pound of it and it ended up in my pre-meeting food log. Haven't eaten it since.
So in summary, lots more greens and add in nuts.
I had to make changes, as I'm not into sauteing things, had to swap out the squash, and used egg whites with maybe one yolk. And that seems still like a lot of food once it's packed up for the next day, but I might only think that because I don't usually pack all my food to see it all at once.
So after one week -- almost no gut symptoms! (Might also help that LA is out of country and I'm not eating new foods late at night...). My energy is OK, I'm going to bed not feeling sick, most all bloating is gone. I'm not using things like ketchup, mayo, no salad bars, not nomming randoms because of the accountability of having to log it. But I've had a few days of dizzy-when-standing-up, maybe lower than usual salt?
And this next week? I'm planning to just keep rotating the schedule. I've added in dill pickles for salt. Gotta find a better option for the nuts, I don't really like them. And the dark chocolate...well that becomes a meal so I don't have a firm grasp on that relationship right now. I tried it twice this week and it's just not a good option for me. I've been using baking cocoa on my yogurt instead.
Well in the end I'm shooting for my 30 Days of Perfect Nutrition. When I log all this into the Cronometer and don't include the supplements and vitamins, I see that I'm still low on the nutrients already pointed out to me: folate, calcium, iron, magnesium. Copper was also on the list, but addition of kale took care of that. All B vitamins boosted with use of nutritional yeast.
Nutrients: what I already eat; + what they recommend
Folate: my avo and zucchini; + avo, mustard green, nut yeast
Calcium: yogurt; + tofu, collard,
Iron: beets; + tofu, spinach, dark chocolate
Magnesium: + zucchini potatoes chicken.
Tofu -- yuck but OK. Tempeh looks good in calcium and iron, folate, and magnesium. So put that in instead of dark chocolate? I think I tolerated it OK. Oh what about natto?!
100 calories of Tofu Tempeh Natto
Folate: 6.1% 3.1% 0.9%
Calcium: 26% 5.7% 10%
Iron: 11.5% 7.7% 23%
Magnesium: 12% 10.3% 13.6%
Sounds like I could alternate them? But look for a tofu option. One block of tofu for $2 looks about 3-4 servings. Put in instead of nuts. Yuck but....find a recipe! Maybe ask BE since he does the vegan Wednesdays, or try the baked tofu recipe I just surfed up.
OK have ideas, off to the week! (And back to work, my PCR almost done)
-------
One last update. I still hurt from Tuesday's bike incident. My left hand knuckles are raw but the purple faded. My left elbow bruised, the deltoid and shoulder improved just sore, and my left knee/calf very bruised, scraped, and sore. My neck much improved. Ugh. Nice one tj.
Greens, I should look for a mixed bag or pre-make a batch cuz the daily chop and cook deters me.
Thursday, November 7, 2019
Rule 4: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday
Rule 4 is compare yourself to who you were yesterday not to someone else is today. You need to have a hierarchy of improvement, you need to be aiming for something and that means you going to be lesser than people who've already attained along that dimension and that can give rise to Envy. So the question is who should you defeat in the final analysis, and the answer is you should defeat your former self. You should be constantly trying to do that and you're the right control for yourself too, because you're the one who's had all your advantages and disadvantages, and so if you want to compete fairly with someone then you should be competing with you.
And it is the case, this is what we were talking about with regards to the self-improvement of the fighter is, well, if you're improving yourself than what you are doing is competing with your lesser self and then you might also ask, well what is that lesser self? And that lesser self would be resentful and bitter and aggressive and vengeance-seeking, and all of those things that go along with having a negative moral character. And those are things that interfere with your ability to progress as you move forward through life, so it's very necessary to understand that.
This is why I've been stressing this idea of personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is to compete with yourself, is to be slightly better than yourself the next day, and then better in some way that you can actually manage and that's humility. Well, I'm a flawed person, I've got all my problems, could I be as good as person X? It's not the right question. The right question is, could you be slightly better tomorrow then you're currently flawed self, and the answer to that is - if you have enough humility to set the bar properly low then you could be better tomorrow than you are today. Because what you also have to do is, you have to say, well here's all my flaws and my insufficiencies and the best that someone that flawed and insufficient could do to improve and actually do it, is this. And that's not worth going out in the street and celebrating with placards.
You know it's why I tell people to clean the room, it's not going to brag to someone that you did that, but that someone is insufficient as you might be able to manage it and that means you actually are on the pathway to self improvement, and you're transcending your former self. You might say, well, what's the right way of being in the world if there is such a thing. And it's not acting according to a set of rules, it's attempting continually to transcend the flawed thing that you currently are. And what's so interesting about that is that the meaning in life is to be found in that Pursuit.
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