Summary of RUN WALK sessions as number of intervals, time of interval. All 1 minute rest. miles run/total miles. I'm not including the walk sessions in the plan here. I'm doing them, but not enjoying them.
APRIL
15x 1 1.46/2.56
15x 1 1.56/2.84
20x 1 2.07/3.67
10x 2 1.97/3.1
10x 2 1.97/3.2
12x 2 2.4/3.37
8x 3 2.36/3.11
MAY
8x 3 2.3/3.14
11x 3 3.57/4.0
8x 4 3.25/4.0
April Totals: 13.8 miles run and 21.85 miles run/walk
May Totals:
Well WOOHOO I'm back to running! And I'm even more happy to say that it's pain-free. None of the post-run pain and stiffness I was feeling in Jan or Feb or whenever I was running before I got sick in March. I have some stiff soreness in both feet after I wake up, that's it.
But I'm not cross training at all. It's MAY for crying out loud and Puppy doesn't even have full air in the tires. Last night I move Frea to store some of LA's books and ugh...I could feel the call of the MCT and the Levee roads across the river.
BE texted that he's keeping the 6am Monday and Tuesday sessions. I haven't joined yet, right now I'm enjoying sleeping in and cuddling. LA would join us, but it seems to spoil something to run us out of bed.
See, for now, I feel like we're in this magical moment in time in which we can have full days together, and too soon that will all be gone. In July it ends and a new life begins for both of us. For him, a new city alone and medical school. For me, I'm alone too but in a familiar place, feeling sorta left behind. I did that before years ago, stayed back one year and managed the clean up of the old life. This will be different though.
These days all feel like weekends. I have to stop and think about what day it is. We sleep in together. Late dog walk and breakfast, usually I make him a big spread of omelet with potatoes. For me is sadly random (see below). Late dog walk. Late arrival to work and a 5-8 hour day. Home to him, and usually a late evening, late to bed. My old sleep/wake hours are a memory right now!
Haven't been home since...Christmas? The travel ban at work was lifted this past Thursday, um, the 7th of May I think. We took advantage of it to travel to St Rob to work on his house for two days. Lots done there, more to do. I'm happy seeing his stuff coming back to StL, I like seeing his life and seeing his life mix into mine. It feels less like he's living in "my" house, more like it's more "ours", even if it's still mine. Make sense?
I can work all I want, been doing 25-35 hours a week. But I'm still pretty flex about it. You can see one result of it -- my blog posts go from daily to monthly without a regular computer.
Speaking of computers, my new iPhone 5 got splashed with water and while it's drying out I'm using his big 8. Huge. Not used to it yet. It has it's pros and cons. It's big, but that means a big screen! And it was his, kinda oddly a personal gifty way to share.
A few days ago was the 1 year anniversary of the dog bite. I can tell from my 2019 blog entries that this even was a down-turn in my mood and the start of a depression that lasted until December or January with LA. In March last year the M came back, he comes and goes. Balrog came and left by June, no sign since. I was self-destructive and falling apart, the cracks were obvious by October and November.
What a change it's been. I'm trying to solidify this ground before he leaves in July so I don't regress. Right now, I can direct energy to taking care of him with his Disney and medical school issues. How he stays so calm, I mean aside from falling into a bucket of ice cream, is beyond me. I'm trying to learn how he does it. I'm seeing him during what has to be a most painful and stressful time. Yet he's calm, thoughtful, reflective, sorta bitter on some things, yet open and talks about it. I bottle it and hide it away. Or I talk to M.
On the 7th, the one year of the dog bite, there was a full moon at 5:45am. Beautiful!!!! On that day, I resolved to follow my nutritional plan from JenMcD nutritionist. To track and get less random and less "whatthehell" about what I eat. Now that I'm running again, it's more important. And I can identify foods that trigger issues. I've made a list of what to avoid. It's easy enough if it's not available, hard to avoid if avail and I'm stressed. The last I saw M was... April 28, 30, May 5, 6. He's now welcome, he has to go before July begins. I can't take the mental stress of it.
So here I go again. Committed to a training plan with the end goal of a Forest Park loop. Committed to a nutrition plan. Committed to a 1 year plan that will change where I live, where I work, who I live with, and everything!
Now, to commit to taking care of my mice! GO! Then I get to run, the last run/walk interval before I get into straight runs :)
Saturday, May 9, 2020
Tuesday, April 14, 2020
A month gone! What's been happening: Sick, COVID and Michigan
I'll log workouts (I have some, really!) in another post.
Here, the major topics:
1. Sick in March
2. Covid-19
3. U Michigan
I had envisioned multiple posts, I could talk (type) all day on some of this, but let's try to keep it focused while getting all my thoughts in. I know this isn't the place for some of this. This is a training log, but I'm not "training" so I could leave it blank or put some other stories in.
1. Sick in March
March started off OK, a TGP bike ride and a few runs. My running was feeling good. The increases and gains came slow but felt like progress. I have no races in mind, no goals except being able to loop Forest Park. Simple enough.
On March 7th I noted some sharp right hip pains, in what I think might be the right pubic bone injured last year. But I'm not sure. LA says I'm doing to much too fast. I hate hearing that, whether it's right or wrong. I hate it. I makes me doubt myself, and I dig in more. And it shows that others doubt me. So while I appreciate any honesty, it still hurts to feel all that doubt. I have enough doubt on myself, I don't need more.
The pain continued and on March 9th it increased and continued to sharply increase into Wednesday the 11th. I was cold, super tired, weak, unfocused. I worked Monday and Tuesday (had a M problem Tuesday night, left me SICK from potato starch and some of the port wine that I sipped). On Wednesday I went home early feeling swollen and terribly pained in the gut (from the starch M). From there I was stuck at home until the next Thursday! My gut shut down and quit moving. I was having fevers up and down from normal up to 102. I was beyond tired, weak, with body pains that seem impossible. And the headache, I can't describe it. Intense and sharp. I couldn't even get to the third floor to distract myself with a movie.
Saturday the 14 everything really went bad, I was in and out of being aware (good thing when you hurt like that I guess) but I couldn't even think. Somehow or another, LA took me to the ER at St Marys. He had other commitments in town and I was glad he wasn't at the house to see me, and felt worse for him having to lose time with his family to take care of me.
The ER was probably a mistake. I wasn't able to communicate my problems clearly, and that impacted how I was cared for. Did I just blame myself for my mis-diagnosis?! I came in with history of 5 days of fever, abdominal pain, extreme body pain and headache. I was dx'd with GERD and IBS. While in the ER, I was giving morphine or something like it and an antacid. I couldn't process why I was getting the antiacid at the time. When the Dr checked on me later, I said my headache wasn't improved and he gave me tramadol. At the time, I didn't know what it was, I couldn't think. Looking back, I didn't want it. I wanted to treat the problem not the symptoms. Ugh.
LA got me home, again I took time from his family. Can't even take care of myself. There's so much more to say about the ER visit and more, but suffice it to say it all sucked.
It wasn't until Monday morning that I realized the misdiagnosis and the prescriptions for an antiacid. Ugh times a million.
I made it back to work the next Thursday for a half day, but it took at least through the next week until I had energy and improvements in my ability to move. My gut took 2 weeks to come back online and work normally. Took also some assistance and drugs. Ugh!. Here a month later I'm still not fully normalized. But the pain and bleeding is gone. Oh yeah, I didn't mention any of that yet did I?
In the meantime, I missed my family's birthday parties and a visit home.
#2: COVID-19
And in the meantime, a pandemic was declared the week I was sick. On March 23th, while I was still weak and tired, the state and City shut down and declared a shelter-in. Fucking hell. This meant I couldn't travel more than 60 miles and I was deemed the essential employee for the lab. I'm alone here now for weeks.
I'm happy to be able to come to lab, otherwise I'd go nuts. Or M the fuck out and just die from it. And if it wasn't for LA, I'd be completely alone through this. The shelter order means only grocery store shopping, pharmacy stops, no group activities. Playgrounds are closed, but liquor stores aren't. I can go to work once I pass the health screen and guards at the doors, but LA is stuck at the house as a dog sitter. Traffic is light but there's still a lot of people out, but admittedly it's really nice to not wake up to the rumble of school bus after school bus on the street outside.
We sleep in and tend to stay up late. I still shop and cook, he still likes everything I make. We watch movies and I do some stained glass work when he has homework. Long dog walks, recently some running.
Really not much changed in my life, I don't eat at the restaurants really anyway (LA has done some carryout). Work hours are shorter, and I only come in 4 days a week or so instead of 6. We aren't supposed to open up new experiments, but I'm doing it anyway when I can.
Some people are describing a sense of grief about this. Grief about the loss of the life we had, how life will never be the same in the world again. For now it's social distancing, masks, and hand sanitizers. Carry out services and delivery. Stores out of stock of some foods (like stupid toilet paper) and limits to number of people in stores.
But for me, it's been a blessing of sorts. I get to spend all the time with LA. And this becomes relevant more in #3 below. People are also describing the effect of suddenly being house-bound with their significant other, either good or bad. Tinder dates living together to nearly-divorced being stuck together. My experience so far is all good. He calms me, challenges me, amuses me, and without him here I think the struggle would hit hard. This won't be what it's like to live with him, to really live with him, but if we can enjoy this does that mean good things for years ahead?
#3: Medical School
I've been in such denial about this happening. I knew full well he's leaving, he's too smart and dedicated to not get accepted to a school. But he'd talk about going to Mizzou next year and my head would keep that option open, as a way to deny his going to Michigan. Maybe we have another year, I'd think. Not yet. Not so fast. Just not yet.
But sure enough, he's accepted. I think found out on April 2nd or so. Of course I mentally crashed and tried not to cry. But I cried inside all day. For what? For losing what we found in the past few months, I think. For the life we have now. For the stability and calm and love I feel now. Like my life is finally moving forward for the first time in years. For the loss of mornings sleeping in and afternoons walking the dog.
I'm tearing up just typing this.
Soooooo many questions, and I don't deal in uncertainties. What about this, that, this that this that. Once I realized why I was so stressed, I tell this to LA. That I don't deal with the questions. And he patiently answered all he could. When. How. How this. What about that. When do I move. How to I tell work I'm leaving. Do we buy or rent a house. How do I find a new cardiologist. Do I bring the curtains in the bedroom? You can see that my mind spiraled here, and that I'm worried on the details. LA sees the big picture, I see the details.
To his credit, he's putting up with me. He answers all the questions. He answers them many times over if needed. I don't want to be a pain in the ass tho, but I need to hear this over and over and over, just tell me everything will be OK.
How does he stay so calm? He's known for years that he'd be doing this. I've known for a few weeks. This wasn't part of my plan, to leave STL so soon. I promised Todd more time. I feel like I'm breaking a promise to him. And he's done so much for me this past 2 years.
But I'm stuck. I've been stuck since the heart attack in Sept 2018. I realized soon enough that I need to leave STL, I can't keep driving my that great hill I used to run, pass the park I used to run, the trails I used to run, the pool I used to swim, the route I used to ride, the paths I used to ride. The mental strain of this is manifesting in M, the mental monster that lives in my head, that sabotages any positive forward progress I make.
Is this what I need to get unstuck? Initially my plans were to leave STL in a few years, but I had no where to go. I entertained just moving back home, but my job with mean quitting science. So since I felt I had no where to go, I stayed. Driving by and reliving old memories, day after day. Memories of what used to be.
Is this what I need? I'm somewhat disappointed in that this wasn't my choice of places to live, but that's a stupid excuse because I had no where else to go. I'm frustrated that I have to leave behind a garden, but they can be moved and replanted (this was one of my ridiculous questions for LA), so that's not a reason. I'm sad to leave my friends behind, but I haven't seen them in months or more because I'm training alone or not training at all, so again, not a reason to stay. I'll miss my house, really miss it, it's the first thing that was mine, but it's full of stuff from my previous life and that's a weight I keep bearing too.
So is this what I need? This would be a complete change. Michigan is cold, liberal, and expensive. Three unhappies for me. But it's only 3-4 years. And if I like it, we might stay. It's temporary. But Michigan also has research opportunities when I'm ready to open up to that search. It has pretty outdoor parks and rivers I saw during the visit, and similar to Iowa it's a small town bounded by rural land. And it will have LA. It will have cuddles, and shop-vac kisses, and Archer and House, it will have extra cookies for Sugar and help with housework, there will be hot showers and lotion back rubs. And more. I know I need all that, I can leave a house and garden and job to keep that.
Tearing up again.
So I said this would be short. Failed that, haha. And I'm holding to my no-edit rule. Not re-reading what I type and not sure I'll ever read it again. There's so much more to say. But I'm ending it here.
Here, the major topics:
1. Sick in March
2. Covid-19
3. U Michigan
I had envisioned multiple posts, I could talk (type) all day on some of this, but let's try to keep it focused while getting all my thoughts in. I know this isn't the place for some of this. This is a training log, but I'm not "training" so I could leave it blank or put some other stories in.
1. Sick in March
March started off OK, a TGP bike ride and a few runs. My running was feeling good. The increases and gains came slow but felt like progress. I have no races in mind, no goals except being able to loop Forest Park. Simple enough.
On March 7th I noted some sharp right hip pains, in what I think might be the right pubic bone injured last year. But I'm not sure. LA says I'm doing to much too fast. I hate hearing that, whether it's right or wrong. I hate it. I makes me doubt myself, and I dig in more. And it shows that others doubt me. So while I appreciate any honesty, it still hurts to feel all that doubt. I have enough doubt on myself, I don't need more.
The pain continued and on March 9th it increased and continued to sharply increase into Wednesday the 11th. I was cold, super tired, weak, unfocused. I worked Monday and Tuesday (had a M problem Tuesday night, left me SICK from potato starch and some of the port wine that I sipped). On Wednesday I went home early feeling swollen and terribly pained in the gut (from the starch M). From there I was stuck at home until the next Thursday! My gut shut down and quit moving. I was having fevers up and down from normal up to 102. I was beyond tired, weak, with body pains that seem impossible. And the headache, I can't describe it. Intense and sharp. I couldn't even get to the third floor to distract myself with a movie.
Saturday the 14 everything really went bad, I was in and out of being aware (good thing when you hurt like that I guess) but I couldn't even think. Somehow or another, LA took me to the ER at St Marys. He had other commitments in town and I was glad he wasn't at the house to see me, and felt worse for him having to lose time with his family to take care of me.
The ER was probably a mistake. I wasn't able to communicate my problems clearly, and that impacted how I was cared for. Did I just blame myself for my mis-diagnosis?! I came in with history of 5 days of fever, abdominal pain, extreme body pain and headache. I was dx'd with GERD and IBS. While in the ER, I was giving morphine or something like it and an antacid. I couldn't process why I was getting the antiacid at the time. When the Dr checked on me later, I said my headache wasn't improved and he gave me tramadol. At the time, I didn't know what it was, I couldn't think. Looking back, I didn't want it. I wanted to treat the problem not the symptoms. Ugh.
LA got me home, again I took time from his family. Can't even take care of myself. There's so much more to say about the ER visit and more, but suffice it to say it all sucked.
It wasn't until Monday morning that I realized the misdiagnosis and the prescriptions for an antiacid. Ugh times a million.
I made it back to work the next Thursday for a half day, but it took at least through the next week until I had energy and improvements in my ability to move. My gut took 2 weeks to come back online and work normally. Took also some assistance and drugs. Ugh!. Here a month later I'm still not fully normalized. But the pain and bleeding is gone. Oh yeah, I didn't mention any of that yet did I?
In the meantime, I missed my family's birthday parties and a visit home.
#2: COVID-19
And in the meantime, a pandemic was declared the week I was sick. On March 23th, while I was still weak and tired, the state and City shut down and declared a shelter-in. Fucking hell. This meant I couldn't travel more than 60 miles and I was deemed the essential employee for the lab. I'm alone here now for weeks.
I'm happy to be able to come to lab, otherwise I'd go nuts. Or M the fuck out and just die from it. And if it wasn't for LA, I'd be completely alone through this. The shelter order means only grocery store shopping, pharmacy stops, no group activities. Playgrounds are closed, but liquor stores aren't. I can go to work once I pass the health screen and guards at the doors, but LA is stuck at the house as a dog sitter. Traffic is light but there's still a lot of people out, but admittedly it's really nice to not wake up to the rumble of school bus after school bus on the street outside.
We sleep in and tend to stay up late. I still shop and cook, he still likes everything I make. We watch movies and I do some stained glass work when he has homework. Long dog walks, recently some running.
Really not much changed in my life, I don't eat at the restaurants really anyway (LA has done some carryout). Work hours are shorter, and I only come in 4 days a week or so instead of 6. We aren't supposed to open up new experiments, but I'm doing it anyway when I can.
Some people are describing a sense of grief about this. Grief about the loss of the life we had, how life will never be the same in the world again. For now it's social distancing, masks, and hand sanitizers. Carry out services and delivery. Stores out of stock of some foods (like stupid toilet paper) and limits to number of people in stores.
But for me, it's been a blessing of sorts. I get to spend all the time with LA. And this becomes relevant more in #3 below. People are also describing the effect of suddenly being house-bound with their significant other, either good or bad. Tinder dates living together to nearly-divorced being stuck together. My experience so far is all good. He calms me, challenges me, amuses me, and without him here I think the struggle would hit hard. This won't be what it's like to live with him, to really live with him, but if we can enjoy this does that mean good things for years ahead?
#3: Medical School
I've been in such denial about this happening. I knew full well he's leaving, he's too smart and dedicated to not get accepted to a school. But he'd talk about going to Mizzou next year and my head would keep that option open, as a way to deny his going to Michigan. Maybe we have another year, I'd think. Not yet. Not so fast. Just not yet.
But sure enough, he's accepted. I think found out on April 2nd or so. Of course I mentally crashed and tried not to cry. But I cried inside all day. For what? For losing what we found in the past few months, I think. For the life we have now. For the stability and calm and love I feel now. Like my life is finally moving forward for the first time in years. For the loss of mornings sleeping in and afternoons walking the dog.
I'm tearing up just typing this.
Soooooo many questions, and I don't deal in uncertainties. What about this, that, this that this that. Once I realized why I was so stressed, I tell this to LA. That I don't deal with the questions. And he patiently answered all he could. When. How. How this. What about that. When do I move. How to I tell work I'm leaving. Do we buy or rent a house. How do I find a new cardiologist. Do I bring the curtains in the bedroom? You can see that my mind spiraled here, and that I'm worried on the details. LA sees the big picture, I see the details.
To his credit, he's putting up with me. He answers all the questions. He answers them many times over if needed. I don't want to be a pain in the ass tho, but I need to hear this over and over and over, just tell me everything will be OK.
How does he stay so calm? He's known for years that he'd be doing this. I've known for a few weeks. This wasn't part of my plan, to leave STL so soon. I promised Todd more time. I feel like I'm breaking a promise to him. And he's done so much for me this past 2 years.
But I'm stuck. I've been stuck since the heart attack in Sept 2018. I realized soon enough that I need to leave STL, I can't keep driving my that great hill I used to run, pass the park I used to run, the trails I used to run, the pool I used to swim, the route I used to ride, the paths I used to ride. The mental strain of this is manifesting in M, the mental monster that lives in my head, that sabotages any positive forward progress I make.
Is this what I need to get unstuck? Initially my plans were to leave STL in a few years, but I had no where to go. I entertained just moving back home, but my job with mean quitting science. So since I felt I had no where to go, I stayed. Driving by and reliving old memories, day after day. Memories of what used to be.
Is this what I need? I'm somewhat disappointed in that this wasn't my choice of places to live, but that's a stupid excuse because I had no where else to go. I'm frustrated that I have to leave behind a garden, but they can be moved and replanted (this was one of my ridiculous questions for LA), so that's not a reason. I'm sad to leave my friends behind, but I haven't seen them in months or more because I'm training alone or not training at all, so again, not a reason to stay. I'll miss my house, really miss it, it's the first thing that was mine, but it's full of stuff from my previous life and that's a weight I keep bearing too.
So is this what I need? This would be a complete change. Michigan is cold, liberal, and expensive. Three unhappies for me. But it's only 3-4 years. And if I like it, we might stay. It's temporary. But Michigan also has research opportunities when I'm ready to open up to that search. It has pretty outdoor parks and rivers I saw during the visit, and similar to Iowa it's a small town bounded by rural land. And it will have LA. It will have cuddles, and shop-vac kisses, and Archer and House, it will have extra cookies for Sugar and help with housework, there will be hot showers and lotion back rubs. And more. I know I need all that, I can leave a house and garden and job to keep that.
Tearing up again.
So I said this would be short. Failed that, haha. And I'm holding to my no-edit rule. Not re-reading what I type and not sure I'll ever read it again. There's so much more to say. But I'm ending it here.
Thursday, March 5, 2020
I think Dr L is done with
RIDE 4.8 miles or so in 20 mins, TGP loop inbound
COMMUTE! 9.6 miles, took about 25 mins each way
Took a rest day yesterday after having some right hip pain/tightness while walking the doggie. Was gonna ride Puppy in, but in the end got a better option :)
Realized yesterday that my teal Brooks shoes are at 387 miles?! These are the 100K shoes from 2019. I put that many miles on while not running all that much? Yo, denial called, left a message wanting to discuss your so-called Year Of Not Running All That Much. He pointed out that 828 miles in 2019 is roughly 100 miles a month, especially considering that I only ran January through August. (Seriously though, 100 miles a month?! Gawds I'm awesome).
And because I'm a numbers geek, here's miles per year:
2014: 1455
2015: 1909
2016: 1737
2017: 306 (Jan - April)
2018: 300 (summer only)
2019: 828
-----
This morning the hip was better and I rode to work and added in an extra interval in TGP. It was a slow interval, roughly 20 mins, but an interval nonetheless.
-----
Something I keep forgetting to mention -- I haven't called Dr L back for an appointment yet, and I don't think I will. I've got a persistent kink in my lower-mid right back. Normally he'd address this. Honestly, while I think what he did worked, I'm not sure I needed it.
So after his recommendation to the Dr JS (aka Dr Bioresonance) and after he didn't reply to a text question in January, I wrote him off. And so far it's continued and I don't foresee a change.
-----
And for March I'm going without most of my normal dairy, so far it feels better. I was eating a lot of dairy it seemed. Bloating, GI upset, and useless really for nutrition. It's probably all in my head.
Yo, denial called, said Thanks for the cheese, man, now go for a run!
COMMUTE! 9.6 miles, took about 25 mins each way
Took a rest day yesterday after having some right hip pain/tightness while walking the doggie. Was gonna ride Puppy in, but in the end got a better option :)
Realized yesterday that my teal Brooks shoes are at 387 miles?! These are the 100K shoes from 2019. I put that many miles on while not running all that much? Yo, denial called, left a message wanting to discuss your so-called Year Of Not Running All That Much. He pointed out that 828 miles in 2019 is roughly 100 miles a month, especially considering that I only ran January through August. (Seriously though, 100 miles a month?! Gawds I'm awesome).
And because I'm a numbers geek, here's miles per year:
2014: 1455
2015: 1909
2016: 1737
2017: 306 (Jan - April)
2018: 300 (summer only)
2019: 828
-----
This morning the hip was better and I rode to work and added in an extra interval in TGP. It was a slow interval, roughly 20 mins, but an interval nonetheless.
-----
Something I keep forgetting to mention -- I haven't called Dr L back for an appointment yet, and I don't think I will. I've got a persistent kink in my lower-mid right back. Normally he'd address this. Honestly, while I think what he did worked, I'm not sure I needed it.
So after his recommendation to the Dr JS (aka Dr Bioresonance) and after he didn't reply to a text question in January, I wrote him off. And so far it's continued and I don't foresee a change.
-----
And for March I'm going without most of my normal dairy, so far it feels better. I was eating a lot of dairy it seemed. Bloating, GI upset, and useless really for nutrition. It's probably all in my head.
Yo, denial called, said Thanks for the cheese, man, now go for a run!
Wednesday, March 4, 2020
Spiral Out, Keep Going
Black then white are all I see in my infancy
Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me
Lets me see
Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me
Lets me see
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
Drawn beyond the lines of reason
Push the envelope, watch it bend
Drawn beyond the lines of reason
Push the envelope, watch it bend
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
Black then white are all I see in my infancy
Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me
Lets me see
There is so much more
And beckons me to look through to these infinite possibilities
Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me
Lets me see
There is so much more
And beckons me to look through to these infinite possibilities
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
Drawn outside the lines of reason
Push the envelope, watch it bend
Drawn outside the lines of reason
Push the envelope, watch it bend
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind
Withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind
Withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind
Tuesday, March 3, 2020
First 4 mintervals. And why running is self-affirming.
RUN 33.5 minutes, total 2.97 3.0 miles, as 6x 4'run/1'walk
My first run with 30 minutes (33.5 includes WU and CD) of 4 minute run intervals and 1 minute walk intervals. This is the last step in the progression to running a solid 30 minutes. This felt great, but if you asked today I'd say I'm not ready to run the full 30 minutes. I still need walk breaks. So I'll continue on this pattern the rest of the week, and in the meantime be thinking about other run/walk ratios to move up to. Stay in the 30-35 min time range but do 6/1 or 8/2 or something like that. Surprised to say it, but I'm just not ready to go there.
Last few days, with now six straight days of workouts behind me, I feel great. In the run intervals I'm floating and on the bike I'm flying. It's a full body experience --my heart beats and blood pulses; my mind is forward calculating the next moves and by muscles execute the symphony that keeps me vertical. (I previously wrote a post about how the brain calculates this, try to find it). The wind hits my face, the sun alternates with shade under my feet, the birds and traffic sing around me; I can taste the sweat on my face. I'm slightly tired, with some muscle fatigue (no stairs today, for example) and I'm looking forward to the next session. I'm remembering why I love this shit -- I love the thinking, the planning, the execution, the work, the recovery. It motivates me. I'm alive and moving forward.
So I'm listening to a podcast today from the Fit2Fat2Fit guy and he's talking about the mental aspects of getting in shape. He said we all know to eat better/move more but 'we' still don't do it. There's a mental hurdle in that some people don't believe in themselves, they don't see the value or the worth. So they have a harder time committing to the changes.
He encourages self-affirmation, in the way of telling yourself "I'm working hard" and saying out-loud the self-affirmations of gratitude and self-love. I'm going to tell myself that later today when doing my 3x planks of Bring Sally Up and see if that improves on anything.
In two thousand hilleven JoeM made for me a SavageMan training CD, two volumes - one titled Self Affirmation and the other Self Actualization. I should dig those out. Should still be in the truck.
Anyway, F2F2F guy is discussing how people find self-affirmation in doing the hard work. They see their abilities and improvements and successes and it drives change in them.
In hearing this podcast, I realize a connection as to why these workouts feel so great and why my mood is up. They are affirming my belief in myself. They are telling me that I'm OK, I'm still me, I'm still alive and healthy. Crazy mayhaps, obsessed for sure, but I'm OK.
My first run with 30 minutes (33.5 includes WU and CD) of 4 minute run intervals and 1 minute walk intervals. This is the last step in the progression to running a solid 30 minutes. This felt great, but if you asked today I'd say I'm not ready to run the full 30 minutes. I still need walk breaks. So I'll continue on this pattern the rest of the week, and in the meantime be thinking about other run/walk ratios to move up to. Stay in the 30-35 min time range but do 6/1 or 8/2 or something like that. Surprised to say it, but I'm just not ready to go there.
Last few days, with now six straight days of workouts behind me, I feel great. In the run intervals I'm floating and on the bike I'm flying. It's a full body experience --my heart beats and blood pulses; my mind is forward calculating the next moves and by muscles execute the symphony that keeps me vertical. (I previously wrote a post about how the brain calculates this, try to find it). The wind hits my face, the sun alternates with shade under my feet, the birds and traffic sing around me; I can taste the sweat on my face. I'm slightly tired, with some muscle fatigue (no stairs today, for example) and I'm looking forward to the next session. I'm remembering why I love this shit -- I love the thinking, the planning, the execution, the work, the recovery. It motivates me. I'm alive and moving forward.
So I'm listening to a podcast today from the Fit2Fat2Fit guy and he's talking about the mental aspects of getting in shape. He said we all know to eat better/move more but 'we' still don't do it. There's a mental hurdle in that some people don't believe in themselves, they don't see the value or the worth. So they have a harder time committing to the changes.
He encourages self-affirmation, in the way of telling yourself "I'm working hard" and saying out-loud the self-affirmations of gratitude and self-love. I'm going to tell myself that later today when doing my 3x planks of Bring Sally Up and see if that improves on anything.
In two thousand hilleven JoeM made for me a SavageMan training CD, two volumes - one titled Self Affirmation and the other Self Actualization. I should dig those out. Should still be in the truck.
Anyway, F2F2F guy is discussing how people find self-affirmation in doing the hard work. They see their abilities and improvements and successes and it drives change in them.
In hearing this podcast, I realize a connection as to why these workouts feel so great and why my mood is up. They are affirming my belief in myself. They are telling me that I'm OK, I'm still me, I'm still alive and healthy. Crazy mayhaps, obsessed for sure, but I'm OK.
Monday, March 2, 2020
First 2020 group ride!
BIKE about 60-70 mins, about 14 miles, 2x TGP!
BE texted me last week about a Monday ride to take advantage of warm weather before the next weekend's time change puts us in the dark at 6am. How could I refuse!?
It was great, cool and kinda dark, and post-overnight rain. LA joined me, and while I worried about him feeling uncomfortable he seemed OK. It's a hard thing to do, turn him down if he wants to join. Of course I want him there! But at the same time, this ride will get harder and faster and I don't know if that's his goal or what he'd enjoy. It's his call, but I'll be honest with him.
BE and I caught up on the usual. Family bakery, grandkids, travel, upcoming races. So much to say, but didn't say anything about my new living arrangement. He could guess, I supposed, since we did show up together, haha!
After a Friday run, Saturday ride, Sunday run, and Monday ride (oh and a Thursday indoor ride) I'm feeling happily tired out. But I only want more. This morning LA expressed concern that I'm doing too much, that I'm only going to re-injure myself. A few thoughts from me on this.
First, how wonderful to have someone who cares enough to say it. I think most people are afraid to?
Second, most of those people who might be afraid to know that I'm likely to defend myself and thus see no point in mentioning it. I do get on the defensive/rationalization/justification.
Third, why do people keep telling me this?! Really?! TOO MUCH!?! I'm an out-of-shape PanZee at the moment, struggling to do a 45 min walk/run.
Fourth, I hear what he's saying. Him, and TH and LC and every one else. There's a definite pattern in my life. They're right. But I know me. I know I'm capable of so much more, and I feel like I'm being cautious, and I think I'm doing what's best.
Fifth, see #4 for another reason people are afraid to mention this to me.
Oh fuck. Keep on eye on the volume, continue the numerics, and keep it honest. See how March goes.
BE texted me last week about a Monday ride to take advantage of warm weather before the next weekend's time change puts us in the dark at 6am. How could I refuse!?
It was great, cool and kinda dark, and post-overnight rain. LA joined me, and while I worried about him feeling uncomfortable he seemed OK. It's a hard thing to do, turn him down if he wants to join. Of course I want him there! But at the same time, this ride will get harder and faster and I don't know if that's his goal or what he'd enjoy. It's his call, but I'll be honest with him.
BE and I caught up on the usual. Family bakery, grandkids, travel, upcoming races. So much to say, but didn't say anything about my new living arrangement. He could guess, I supposed, since we did show up together, haha!
After a Friday run, Saturday ride, Sunday run, and Monday ride (oh and a Thursday indoor ride) I'm feeling happily tired out. But I only want more. This morning LA expressed concern that I'm doing too much, that I'm only going to re-injure myself. A few thoughts from me on this.
First, how wonderful to have someone who cares enough to say it. I think most people are afraid to?
Second, most of those people who might be afraid to know that I'm likely to defend myself and thus see no point in mentioning it. I do get on the defensive/rationalization/justification.
Third, why do people keep telling me this?! Really?! TOO MUCH!?! I'm an out-of-shape PanZee at the moment, struggling to do a 45 min walk/run.
Fourth, I hear what he's saying. Him, and TH and LC and every one else. There's a definite pattern in my life. They're right. But I know me. I know I'm capable of so much more, and I feel like I'm being cautious, and I think I'm doing what's best.
Fifth, see #4 for another reason people are afraid to mention this to me.
Oh fuck. Keep on eye on the volume, continue the numerics, and keep it honest. See how March goes.
Sunday, March 1, 2020
End of February summary
Monday WALK 2 miles at work
Tuesday RUN 1 mile/1.6 miles after work
Wednesday REST
Thursday BIKE 1 hour on the Bird
Friday RUN 1.8 miles/2.5 with LA
Saturday BIKE 1 hour in TGP
Sunday RUN 3.14 miles/4.77 to LP!!
What a week, happily I get some NUMERICS at the end of this post!
All feels good, regarding the hips. The somewhat increased running has not changed the level or location of pains. I just have an almost-daily light pain, worse after sitting or inactivity. There is a niggle in my left foot, but it moves around, and one date its in the tarsals near the big toe and another day it's on the other side. So watching it, but not worried.
The pattern I've been working up to is one hour of activity a day, excluding stuff like dog walks. Take an extra walk from work, do plyos or PT stuff, or SBR. Once I get commuting again, I'll change the equation, but for now a commute counts as an activity. Later on, it will be just background activity. Ooooh I look forward to those days.
And I'm still doing the Bring Sally Up thing, now 2 or 3 times a day. For March, I'm goaling for 100 sessions, or 3-4 times a day. I'm not sore after these, and I'm not seeing major improvements really. But it's different.
The run to Lafayette Park was a great way to start March, it felt so fast and so light, but the numbers in the end showed usually a 9-9:15 pace. Great high cadence though. Not at all looking at HR numbers since I'm not wearing the strap. Excuse. Get the dang strap out of storage!
NUMERICS!!
This week: 4:21 hours
BIKE 27.3 miles
RUN 8.9 (that includes all the run/walk). Actual RUN is 5.94 miles
WALK 2 miles
Last week: 3:38 hours
BIKE 9.64 miles
RUN 9.31 as run/walk. Actual RUN is 6.25
WALK 3.10
FEBRUARY
BIKE 37 miles
RUN 26.2 miles!! as run/walk
Tuesday RUN 1 mile/1.6 miles after work
Wednesday REST
Thursday BIKE 1 hour on the Bird
Friday RUN 1.8 miles/2.5 with LA
Saturday BIKE 1 hour in TGP
Sunday RUN 3.14 miles/4.77 to LP!!
What a week, happily I get some NUMERICS at the end of this post!
All feels good, regarding the hips. The somewhat increased running has not changed the level or location of pains. I just have an almost-daily light pain, worse after sitting or inactivity. There is a niggle in my left foot, but it moves around, and one date its in the tarsals near the big toe and another day it's on the other side. So watching it, but not worried.
The pattern I've been working up to is one hour of activity a day, excluding stuff like dog walks. Take an extra walk from work, do plyos or PT stuff, or SBR. Once I get commuting again, I'll change the equation, but for now a commute counts as an activity. Later on, it will be just background activity. Ooooh I look forward to those days.
And I'm still doing the Bring Sally Up thing, now 2 or 3 times a day. For March, I'm goaling for 100 sessions, or 3-4 times a day. I'm not sore after these, and I'm not seeing major improvements really. But it's different.
The run to Lafayette Park was a great way to start March, it felt so fast and so light, but the numbers in the end showed usually a 9-9:15 pace. Great high cadence though. Not at all looking at HR numbers since I'm not wearing the strap. Excuse. Get the dang strap out of storage!
NUMERICS!!
This week: 4:21 hours
BIKE 27.3 miles
RUN 8.9 (that includes all the run/walk). Actual RUN is 5.94 miles
WALK 2 miles
Last week: 3:38 hours
BIKE 9.64 miles
RUN 9.31 as run/walk. Actual RUN is 6.25
WALK 3.10
FEBRUARY
BIKE 37 miles
RUN 26.2 miles!! as run/walk
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