I learned something today! Perhaps a major revelation?

BIKE 4hrs and 62.someodd minutes

Back in the saddle! RM had a long ride which worked with my goal of just getting back on a bike. In my first rides I always have the concern of not having a good bike "feel" just yet, I worry that my lines won't be clean enough, my responses not quick enough, and that I'll pose a threat to other riders. Especially ones in a major race build.

With that in mind I opted to ride the MCTs, my safety route for fatigue and uncertainty. I'm usually riding them in the first rides of the season--not the late ones! But at the same time, I'm usually not doing 50+ rides in late Sept. I'm usually in recovery.

The ride felt great, I was feeling it by mile 50 but the mark came and went and we just kept rolling. One thing that distinguishes rides with RM--talking. He will debate, ponder, and think. Sure we all talk when we can, but he is different in that it's not random conversations and little blurbs of thought. We'll have conversations! That's more of a running characteristic, he's maybe the only one I find it with on the bike.

So lots of thinking here! A few major points, and a perhaps major revelation for myself.

First off. MiTi should be my A race in 2014. I had envisioned 3 ways to approach it:
1. MiTi is the build race into the A race: B2B
2. MiTi is the A race, B2B is the fun birthday race
3. MiTi is an A race, B2B the focused fix-up of any problems in MiTi

See my spacing between the races is close--9 weeks. Not the 8 I thought it was, bonus week! That's not really enough time to recover, rebuild, and taper for a effective A race. 2 week recover, 3 week taper, leaving 4 weeks of fix-it. I see that as a perfect amount of time for a fix it (and better than the 3 I thought I had!) but kinda close if I don't recover in time or have a really rough time at MiTi.

After discussing my PR/OA goal with RM (more on that below), it seems I've decided to go with option 3. My fall-back would be option 2.

My goal for MiTi is to shoot for the stars--an OA podium. In 2013, I would have needed a sub-12 to OA. In 2012 I would have needed a sub 12:46. Do-able.

But last year I wanted a 12:30 for Redman and only did a 13:23. Granted, the OA female did a 12:30, but ya ya ya...off topic. I've often asked myself...why didn't I get my 12:30? I think I might have my answer.

At CM's going away party, I was talking with BE--a talented and fast guy who makes it all seem so easy. He said after his ride today that by the time he got home he was too tired to decide if he wanted to eat, sleep, or foam roll. That struck a chord with me. Too tired to decide. Too tired to decide. Too tired.

Leaving all too/two tired bike puns aside for now...think about that. How often am I too tired to make a decision after a workout? Usually I'm just stupid, craving sugar, and functional enough to find a place to sit and eat. So I'm not too tired, not too burned. I'm OK, just a bit singed. I don't seem to push myself so hard that I am too tired to function.

I can think of workouts in which I was too tired. Monday Master's comes to mind, and I quit doing those. Even after speed work, centuries, and the like--I'm able to walk, talk, and function. I can think of many times in which my training partners (who often come in ahead of me) are wiped and spend the after-ride/run in a daze. Hmmmm....why am I not wiped more often?

I have an undeveloped Theory of Relativity for triathlon that involves the relative effort for a newbie to run 3 miles versus the relative effort for me to run 13 miles. We're at different points on the spectrum, so their 3 can be as hard as my 13, in relative terms. Lost my train of thought a little here (it's only my first cup of coffee...) but I'll come back to this.

So what I'm thinking is...if I were to look back on the IMCDA to Redman training block, would I find myself too tired to function? Why yes I would. I was fatigued beyond what might be considered safe on most days. But that was MENTAL. I was MENTALLY tired. Or was I? Some days I couldn't stay awake. Some I couldn't walk to the parking lot. That fall I was so tired I didn't even bike commute. (Is this the rest period talking? Telling me I don't work hard enough?)

I think I'm not focused enough. I go out and I "do the miles" but do I really, really PUSH IT? No, I don't think I do. My training plan calls for Intervals, Builds, Rests. I just did miles. Plan said so many hours, I did about that many miles or hours but most often skipped the work. I focused on the essence of the workout (long, tempo, rest) but really the meat of it. I always look back at my plan and wonder if I should get a new one. I look right back now and think "I did that plan for IMWI and for Redman, but never really followed it, so I don't need a new one".

I'm hungry. And this year I got a taste for success--podium at Redman, at Rt 66, and an unofficial at MT50. I'm starting to learn that I CAN.

But my I CAN often conflicts with my I WANT. I want to ride with my friends! I want to talk, and sing, and share stories. You can't do that if you are pushing a pace and unwilling to stop at gas stations. I can think of many friends who sacrificed that and succeeded at their goals. I CAN vs I WANT.

What do I want? Decide that, and come back with your answer.

But I think I already have it. I believe I can do more, I believe I can push harder and find more gears. That's what I want!