Run and swim. Short swim.

RUN 3 miles in 29 mins
SWIM 1000y in 25 mins

Oof. Today went bad. I'm glad I ran first, although it might have messed with my swim motivations. I tried the swim, I really did. I followed the 20 min rule and it didn't work. My right shoulder didn't feel right, my form was awful, my mind wandering.

The bikes and gear bag go out tonight, everything is packed but I still need to plan that into the day. I don't fly out til Weds, so I had that back-up route for anything I forgot. So I wasn't terribly distracted by that...

Work has been super slow this past week and my work computer is finally more dead than alive. But that wasn't really distracting me either.

I'm not very nervous about the race, the water temp, or things like that.

I'm just in a total underwater fog. It is a struggle to do most anything, and I don't mean that lightly. I've been saying I'm tired. I've mentioned it time and time again. But this is a deep, unrelenting, all-comsuming fatigue in the brain. Sure, my body is tired. I get that all the time--the light leg burn and huff-huff of climbing the stairs, the hesitation to do anything strenuous. But this is in the head. My brain is sludge. I can't think. Drive. Walk. Remember. Talk.

It's amazing. And scary. It leaves me almost panicky. Will I recover in time? Did I do too much? How should I recover in this last week? If the building is set on fire, will I be able to get out on time?

I admit to getting wrapped up in it. Thinking about it. Letting it consume and blanket me. I start living what I'm thinking. I have moments of awaked-ness but for the most part I'm a sludgy brainless lump.

It's affecting my work, my eating, my life, and more. Soon enough it will be over. But I do want to remember this--it's not often you can feel this good!!