Chrysalis knocked into garbage, like a metaphor of my life; New Moon; Tool

BIKE 20.4 miles in 1:16, 3x solo TGP: 16:45, 16:20, 16:16
COMMUTE 9.2 miles

MWF TGP rides this week, puts me at 111 miles biking this week, 65.7 in TGP rides and 45.8 in commutes. And a 3 mile run!

This felt tired but good. My plan was a steady ride without intervals but I couldn't help capturing the intervals. One difference was that I did only a 30 rest instead of the usual 90-120 seconds BE and I do.

My hip still hurts, but I'm gentle on it. Once the torn labrum idea was put into my head last week it's lingering there and I wonder...

I was told that I would get a call this afternoon with the MRI results. And my parents are currently driving down this weekend!
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This was supposed to be a weekend of my 10x10 runs. Ugh. Instead I've emailed the Hennepin RD offering myself to volunteer at the race instead.
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Super New Moon this morning at 5:38am. I even set an alarm to be up for it. Not like I could see it or anything.
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NEW TOOL ALBUM dropped today. I've set a goal, when I hit that goal I can buy the album. The iTunes preview of Invincible sounds awesome!

Tool fans, the real ones not the newb posers like me haha, have been waiting 13 years for this album. I've been waiting for things too, time to me to drop on those goals.

Speaking of which: today will be 92 days no Balrog, 71 days no Devil, and 29 days not Monster.
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Came home from the ride and as I have been lately focused on the caterpillars. I currently have 2 chrystalized, and 2 fatties, and 3 more little ones. I was cleaning out the jar for the big ones and stupidly STUPIDLY  knocked the chyrsalis off the side of the jar. Into the garbage. With last nights M-but-not-an-M residue.

Oh, that's like a metaphor of my life lately. Good things happen that I throw into the garbage. Things that aren't supposed to be in the garbage, are in the garbage.

Happily I found the chrysalis in a safe place, but haven't been able to figure out re-hanging it yet.

I'll figure this out. I'll cross the river.

No group run for me

STRENGTH: 30' upper, (more planned for later)
COMMUTE 9.2 miles

I even set my alarm later so I wouldn't be awake to "miss" it. Ugh.

Feeling more awake today, hip impingement from yesterday seems to be gone but the pain/discomfort is still there. And I could feel it especially during some of the abs stuff I did. Ugh.

I might have another chrysalis when I get home! One cater was hanging in J, yay!

I know the pieces fit: chrysalis and MRI

BIKE 25 miles in 1:32, 4x TGP ride solo: 16:27, 16:25, 16:33; 15:41
COMMUTE 4.4 miles, 2x out n back to FoPa parking

I miss my usual Wednesday run. I was thinking last night while waiting for the green at Vande and TGP that Wednesday were my run commute day. I feel so far from doing that again right now.

The training plan probably calls for 12 miles today, I don't even look at it anymore. I'm pathetic! LOL.

But I can ride! So out the door right after 6am for some TGP fun. Thought maybe I'd do 4 intervals, see how it goes. This was much different than Monday's rainy, post-festival ride with BE. Sun came up soon enough and lit up a pretty and calm morning perfect for a ride.

I was happy to see 16:27 after the first, that was a great time. Then #2 and #3 weren't much of an improvement so off for #4. This interval started out fast, my peak speed was 25.2 right after the start. And Fear Inoculum was playing now, I was half way through the song which is 10:22, and reset to play it over once it finished, and I set the goal of finishing the loop before the song was over. Almost made it, made the last turn towards the gate as it ended.

HR averages were: 139, 141, 140, 153.
Max speeds were: 23.1, 23.0, 23.1, 25.2 but these were just quick peaks, not very sustained.
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Last night I put in the plants from SO, put the petunias near the hummingbird feeder, the perennials in an open area by the hedge, and the orange butterfly plants out front. All the while enjoying my new musics. I was late in getting to the planting, got sidetracked by a Blerch and rice (ugh) and then by a caterpillar who looked like he wanted to hang in a J near the top of the glass jar. But he (she?) (it?) kept circling back on the webby-butt-net it was going to hang from. I thought I could see the green chyrsalis around the shoulders! Circle, dinner, circle, rice, circle, then POP it let go and hung in J!! But the yellow color was faded and it looked almost gray. So worry and wait.

Then next morning (today) no changes, except the antennae were sagging. Worry and wait. Then while I was packing up to leave I left the room a few mins and CHRYSALIS!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYA my first. I have another cat that looks ready to crystalize (as SO puts it, I kinda like that better) next, and a 3rd one that I found on a neighbors hedgerow eating ivy that a few days away. Success. Finally!
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Off-schedule day due to the MRI at noon-thirty. Missed lunch with TV, had to drive in, couldn't really get much done with experiments at work. The radiologist who did the fluoro-guided dye injection introduced himself and said "so you are a runner? you run a lot?"  LOL. Then during the injection talked about running apps and triathlon and local trails. Yay! He was able to confirm that this MRI could also evaluate the soft tissues like the abs and adductors, as well as bone for a stress fracture. I'd been having doubts that I needed this procedure if it was just to look for a labrum tear with via the dye. Cuz at the cost of $350...

I enjoyed the MRI, it's like a forced meditation. No music, and I almost wish I could stay longer.
Unfortunately, after the procedure there was definitely a feeling of impingement in the hip joint, and not located where I was feeling the other pains. Ooooh I really hope this is just pressure from having the dye injected, they said I might be able to feel some pressure or heaviness.

Yesterday and today at work been listening to Schism, aka the Tetris Song, I know the pieces fit song, and then as I drove out of the MRI facility it came on again. Wonder how many Tool songs I've heard on the radio, but didn't know it was Tool?
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Downloaded The Humbling River yesterday, it sums up a lot for me right now. "Braved the forests, braved the stone, braved the icy winds and fire; Braved and beat them on my own, yet I'm helpless by the river". I went through so much the past few years, and this past year of mental pain and doubt. All that I've done, all the coping habits I've beaten back, all the fears I've face, and yet here I am still unable to hit some goals -- the 100 miler, a few remaining habits, the self doubt and certain loathings. Why can't I cross this river?

Just because it's painful, doesn't mean it hurts

RUN! 3 miles in ?? mins, as a walk a lap/run a lap
COMMUTE 13.8 miles

I ran! Whoop! BE beat me to the track today, sunrise not until 6:25am so we were lucky that the track overheads were on. Created a fun run-in-the-dark effect. We did alternating walk/run laps with the girls track team also there. Probably why the lights were on. 

The hip hurt but not terribly. Maybe better an a week or two ago? Or better only because it's rested, and if I were to run tomorrow or Thursday it would continue to get worse? Soooo tempted to run tomorrow before the MRI. 
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Via email with the Hennepin Hundred RD I learned I can bib transfer to a runner that I find before Sept 1st, or I can defer to 2020 if I volunteer at least 8 hours. Ha, sign me up that'd be fun! I texted LA who is still in Astana and asked, this would be damned hard build for him and probably a really bad idea.  Seems he has a chemistry lab or something that interferes with him getting to the race. For the better.

For me, that means I'm already registered for a race in 2020! HA! That also means my pipe dream of IMWI 2020 is really just a pipe dream? And I'm gambling on the hip -- if the MRI shows more than expected damage (the Dr was throwing around hip labrum as a dx), then I won't be doing a 100 next year. Either way, for 8 hours I can buy myself the time to prepare. 

On the bike this morning, while riding to the track for a pained run, I already started scheming for 2020. (BE found this funny, joked that I should keep my hands on the bars, for the rubbing-hands-together idea of scheming, lol). If I heal up from this injury, assuming it's not a serious labrum tear or similar, I can start strength training and PT as needed right away. Build into 2020 and start piling on miles by spring and in contrast to this year - take time for a slow build and not a rush job. 

Was this year a rush job? Oh, I don't think so. But everyone else seems to. 
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Last night I had a dry ride home, unlike the commute in. During the ride, SO texts "hi". :) I get home and bring Puppy in, let the other puppy out. I follow her and note dribbles of water on the back steps? Some thinking -- and realize it had to come from Puppy. I tip the front tire up and sure enough, water drains out of the left chainstay. FUCK!? I'd texted SO back, he said he might drop off plants. So while waiting to see what comes of that I work on the bike and check the bike forums online for more. This is very likely related to the creak I hear in the bottom bracket. UGH. 

SO texts "I'm out front, bring two garbage bags". Huh? I head out and find him trimming the front walk and grass, with the neighborhood kids recruited to pick up the trash, all but the glass, on the block for $20. HA!! And I have plants in the back seat to take out, and I need to sweep, and I need to have everything planted by tomorrow night, and I need to water (no mind of the heavy rains last two days), and Sugar got walked up and down the block by one of StL's faster 10Kers all the while being told "Come on Sugar, I know you got more than that in you".  LOLOLOLOL. Gawd I love it. And him. 
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Last note on a busy type up. No, second to last. LA asked if I could read over his med school essay. Wow. "It showed me that no challenge is so impossible to break a man, as long as he continues to move forward, keep the head up, and do the best one can at all time. ... I learned that no matter how bad the times appear in the moment, there is always a brighter future around the corner."
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As I'm typing this I'm listening to Tool's Fear Inoculum, my latest craze. YouTube plays next the Humble River by Pucifer, with MJK's smooth voice. Not sure if it's Songlist material or not, but wow, this song about the struggle the sacrifice, and the failure. Sums up my 2019 almost, the success at Badger and the 'failure' into Hennepin? I'll come back to this, after some thought.

Angel, angel, what have I done?I've faced the quakes, the wind, the fireI've conquered country, crown, and throneWhy can't I cross this river?Pay no mind to the battles you've wonIt'll take a lot more than rage and muscleOpen your heart and hands, my sonOr you'll never make it over the river

Rainy start to my "new year"

BIKE 80 mins and 20 miles, not listing times as per below
STRENGTH 15 mins absX
COMMUTE 9.2 miles

Woke up to thunder and lightning, and a quick check of the weather app showed it probably wasn't going to rain here but rather north of here. So out I went after and orange and some of my whey-rice mix I made for the week. It was dark and this didn't help because the park was a mess after the festival of nations thing over the weekend. The first pass through the park was me checking obstacles, opening a gate just enough for us to fit, and figuring out that the police lights were attached to a pull-behind rig with cameras.

BE rides up, and we take off cautiously. And now it starts raining more. In the first few minutes I start to burp up the brekkie I ate, ugh, no more of that before a ride. The dark and the rain threw off our distances and paces, and it took 18:39 to finish the first interval.

Second interval now a steady rain, a little more sunlight but still dark. BE thought he might cut short (also in light of my recent fatigue and injuries) and I said "naw just another pass through and the 2nd one is done!". So we finish in 17:46.

I asked BE about a third, he seemed hesitant. I suggested he wait about 15 minutes and then decide. LOL, it worked. 15 mins later when we were in the 5th pass and almost done I asked if he'd decided yet. HAHA!!!! 3rd one in 17:01. Not too bad at all, given that we were dripping wet. One of the park workers said we were crazy.

Home and dripping, shower, walk dog in rain, ride to work again arrive dripping. The ride home is iffy for rain, might make it a fully wet ride day?
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It's one year since my first heart attack at the Sunset Hills tri. TG emailed me Friday to see how I was doing and said she was volunteering. I thought about going, if I perked up and felt better. But I didn't go. I should have, but just not up to it.

Today is kinda an odd anniversary. I wasn't aware of the SCAD at the race. The pain came and went and lingered a day or two. I did the Monday ride with BE in the same messy post-festival park. I had a session with JH in which I was kicked out and sent to Dr L. Saw Dr L and felt better. So this is the anniversary of what, the discovery phase? The denial phase comes next, haha, when it's the anniversary of the 2nd attack and the 3rd and 4th and only then I go to an ER.

But for now, I'm looking back over the year and I don't like what I became inside. Hesitant. Fearful. Distrustful of my body and my mind. "out to get" things that I can't define. I let some habits slide and others take over. So for this week, I'll be rebuilding and thinking on this topic.

Weekend of Rest

Saturday nothing
Sunday 1hr-ish DVD of P90X chest and shoulders

When it's drop dead (maybe a bad phrase for me to use...) gorgeous outside and you've got nothing else to do, and still yet you don't take your bike out for a ride -- that's your sign. Something is up. Or down. Or wrong.

So many options -- burned out after 100K. Depressed over new injuries. Nutrient deficiency like B12 or iron.

Not much else to do but rest!
NUMERICS

BIKE 20 miles on Monday
COMMUTE 34.2 miles

Feeling Better? And emailed Hennepin

COMMUTE 9.2 miles

I might bike tomorrow? Take Frea out to the MCT? Seriously though, if I'm not up to doing at least that then something is wrong.

Took another nitroglycerine today (took one Tuesday at work too) too see if the sensations I'm feeling are heart-related. I'm still not sure. I don't think so? The feelings come and go, so it's hard to track. But this headache, fatigue, heavy feeling - persists.

Watching in short bursts a video by a rider in SOs race last Sunday. Makes me tired to watch. ????  He's easy to find  -- the guy going super fast passing everyone way out along the wall, LOL!

LA is in Astana. TH is in or has Nice, France Worlds coming up. TV not running so I only see him at lunch on Weds. I thought about seeing if RM would want to ride this weekend. But I'm just not up to anything.

Yesterday I emailed Hennepin to ask about a bib transfer. Haven't heard back yet. Ugh.