RUN! Monday morning 1.5 miles in 16 mins
What a week. Starting Saturday -- worked on the blower motor in the truck. I should say LA worked on it. I tried to help. Damned cold. Sunday -- brunch (for him, I flaked out, ugh), open houses, and rest. Wonderful rest.
Monday morning a run!! 1.5 miles this time, it felt great but I could feel the imbalances and muscles lacking strength. I keep saying I'm going to start the needed PT and plyos but am waiting until the orthopedics appt to get approval.
Well nice transition to -- the ortho appointment! Good appt, better than a previous one in which I needed therapy and a nutritionist. After discussion and some testing, she thinks it's not a fracture (same one or newer) because a fracture pain doesn't "come and go" or "change when you stretch or pop the joint". Diagnosis -- probably osteoarthritis. The bone clinic apparently left a note for Dr E about the parathyroid drugs they want to prescribe -- shes says no. Good. And a new drug NSAID added in for 7 days to calm it down and go from there. Lower the impact sports and focus on bike and swim. Swim. Yuck.
Later in the day an appointment with Dr A. Been a while since I'd seen him but he remembered all of it. We went through the shit on my list one by one. The hip (treated by ortho) and approve the NSAID with Dr B (done, and OK). The heart treated by Dr B. The bladder stone thing is not a thing, like I thought just wasn't cleared. The IUD being investigated tomorrow. My cholesterol was likely the keto diet. Nutritionists are bad, especially if they are the cardiac ones who recommend eating bagels. Jen McD passed muster. The stress fracture is not treatable with the parathyroid drugs the bone clinic is pushing, the disease process of stress fracture and osteoporosis aren't related. Dr L should maybe be replaced, based on his recommendation to Dr JS and the bioresonance. Try a vibration board someday, get the info from Dr A if I want to. But try my other things first. And try beets -- roast for an hour in the oven wrapped in foil. And beet greens. And brazil nuts, just one or two a day. As for the bottom-out fatigue and odd symptoms, he will submit labs that will wait until (and if) the cycle starts again and I can get tested while feeling like shit. I didn't ask what labs.
For those people who complain that their doctor doesn't have time or doesn't keep track or doesn't really know what's going on in the medical world -- they don't know Dr A. I'm always impressed. And encouraged.
Tuesday was blood draw for the Dr D appt on Friday -- lipids and CMP. The results came back in an hour as total cholesterol 156! I expect that appt to go well. And in the afternoon the ultrasound for the IUD, with a surprise that it was an "intra" ultrasound with cold gel. I found out today (Weds) that it's OK.
So that leaves me with the Dr S in two days, and the appt with Dr JS next week that I will cancel.
The issues that started the year out -- bladder, IUD, heart pain, hip pain, bone clinic drugs -- most all sorted out and in fix. January was a stress-ball month, hoping February goes better.
My quads were somewhat sore from the run on Tuesday and a little less on Weds. Good!
I still have lots on the January to do list -- fix the blower in the truck, fix the roof leak and ceiling damage, caulk the tub, and the fun/easy of planting my milkweed seeds. Maybe I can knock that back this weekend? If I finish it then, it still counts as "in January", right?
My list at work was really long this morning, I finished all the little tiddly jobs already (as evidenced by the fact that I'm sitting here typing instead of working!) and that leaves me with a pile of titering to do mostly. Whew! What a month.
Wednesday, January 29, 2020
Friday, January 24, 2020
Hey Sally
First song of 2020: Hey Sally by Aranda.
Totally random find, while looking for Bring Sally Up (2nd song of 2020?)
Hey Sally, I know just how you feel
You know where you want to go baby but you never want to take the wheel
But you're wasting all your time looking back
And the only way to get there is for you to understand
You gotta stand up, when you fall down
Or do you stand for what you know is wrong
Oh Sally, Sally come home tonight
You've been looking round, but you never found
The love you needed for so long
Oh Sally, Sally come home
Totally random find, while looking for Bring Sally Up (2nd song of 2020?)
Hey Sally, I know just how you feel
You know where you want to go baby but you never want to take the wheel
But you're wasting all your time looking back
And the only way to get there is for you to understand
You gotta stand up, when you fall down
Or do you stand for what you know is wrong
Oh Sally, Sally come home tonight
You've been looking round, but you never found
The love you needed for so long
Oh Sally, Sally come home
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
First RUN of 2020
RUN 1 mile in 10:25
HOLY SHIT. I did it. LA was doing his 2nd 1 mile run, out n back around BP and he invited me. My hip is still feeling relatively better since last week's weird cracking noises, it still hurts and still get tight, but I don't look like a cripple.
I happily suited up for this, 20F-some odd degrees out, overdressed but didn't care. I was thinking that if I ran out then had to walk back I'd get cold. Besides, 1 mile isn't even enough to warm up. Such a cold PanZee.
The sun was on it's way up, so no lights. On the first quarter mile I felt the pull of the downhill past the rec center. Then the push I needed to climb to the first turn. I was smiling. LA said "I have a running partner!" and I was smiling to much to say that I agreed. And this felt so good. And so right.
In his first mile, he tripped over a crack. Today the same again, this time his phone took the hit instead of his knee. But turn around and back again with same feeling of just let go and RUN but I held back. Told myself, no crazy and nothing showy and don't get too caught up just yet. Oh damn it felt so good.
Later in the shower I realized -- that the 1' on/1'off of the Return to Running protocols aren't observed by newbie runners so why do I feel the need to do it? How many of the 2020 First Time Runners started off with that conservative of a plan? But in thinking more, I realize that it's because my muscles and sides and strengths are imbalanced from injury. So I do need to slow it down and focus doing this right. Even if it means LA and I don't run the whole thing together.
Oh, and lots happened yesterday! Set up a new desk. Got news of UMMC. It feel so right, so natural. I love it. But that future that I was trying to ignore is becoming a reality. What's next? Find out.
This afternoon my sis said she found the Illinois Marathon as an option for a 13.1 or a 26.2.
WHAT A DAY!!!
WHAT A DAY!!!
Friday, January 17, 2020
Inclement weather punts decision
Dr McM appt with ultrasound cancelled today, so the maybe-need to make a decision postponed. I'm even debating holding off entirely on the appt, at least until after I've seen Dr A in 10 days.
I'd been entertaining some hope that my hip had gotten better after the crk-crk-crk-crk sound I got out of it Weds night. Like maybe I'd broken up something that was impinging the joint? Dunno, still hurts, but I'm moving around much better here. At least for walking. But then Tylenol.... I am taking that. So, I dunno. But with my hip not hurting so much, I feel good and normal and stronger.
Icy shit going right now, so I'm off to home. LA gone from yesterday to Sunday, so just me and Shoogs. Boo.
I'd been entertaining some hope that my hip had gotten better after the crk-crk-crk-crk sound I got out of it Weds night. Like maybe I'd broken up something that was impinging the joint? Dunno, still hurts, but I'm moving around much better here. At least for walking. But then Tylenol.... I am taking that. So, I dunno. But with my hip not hurting so much, I feel good and normal and stronger.
Icy shit going right now, so I'm off to home. LA gone from yesterday to Sunday, so just me and Shoogs. Boo.
Wednesday, January 15, 2020
I knew it wasn't my heart, but now I think it's my head
On Tuesday I had the cardiac stress test. I really wanted to cancel this, but I sought out Dr B for his expert opinion so ignoring the advice of said expert is needless to say quite rude. So I went with it.
Fasted from 11am on, and was in an almost nervous state all day. At least I was tired and hip-hurting, that kept me from getting to tizzied, right? Ugh. The RN who set me up was the same Polish woman from October, and the sonographer was the same too. Again he explained everything and talked through the images and exam. Great distraction.
I had to be on my left side for the sonogram, this left my hips burning pain from whatever-nerve-or-otherwise problem they have. The treadmill normally used in a stress test was in my line of sight, and I stared longingly at it. I had so much more to say about this but now as I type it the words and emotions aren't there. Here. Whatever.
They noted I was bradicardic (resting HR 42) and that I'm an athlete.Well at least I was. I wondered if I'd need more drugs to get my HR up to the goal 85% of max? For the test, my HR came up to 150-something, sadly the Garmin didn't capture it because it thought I wasn't moving (MOVE!) so it didn't record. Nuts. Neat feeling, to see the EKG trace jump-jump-jump so fast and feel the THUDs of the beat in my chest while being still.
A few things from this -- it's great to see my HR still in the low numbers, tells me I haven't deconditioned so much? My CV system still great, but the soft tissues and joints really out of adaptation. And it's great to feel the heart run like that, like revving the engine, to feel (and see!!) how strong and fluid and flexible and ready it feels.
When the results came back a day later as "all good", I already expected the answer so I was neither excited or relieved.
But the damage was done. I spent a week in that "fragilizing" state -- wondering if something's wrong, having doubts planted in my brain, and those seeds of doubt just being there is enough to impact how I think about my body.
I have such doubts about it, I don't trust or know my body right now. I feel like I'm a prisoner in a body that's not mine.
Next up an ultrasound with Dr McM. I concerned that I'll have to make a decision -- keep it or remove it -- and I'm not ready to make that decision. I need more info, and maybe the decision won't present itself anyway.
Fasted from 11am on, and was in an almost nervous state all day. At least I was tired and hip-hurting, that kept me from getting to tizzied, right? Ugh. The RN who set me up was the same Polish woman from October, and the sonographer was the same too. Again he explained everything and talked through the images and exam. Great distraction.
I had to be on my left side for the sonogram, this left my hips burning pain from whatever-nerve-or-otherwise problem they have. The treadmill normally used in a stress test was in my line of sight, and I stared longingly at it. I had so much more to say about this but now as I type it the words and emotions aren't there. Here. Whatever.
They noted I was bradicardic (resting HR 42) and that I'm an athlete.Well at least I was. I wondered if I'd need more drugs to get my HR up to the goal 85% of max? For the test, my HR came up to 150-something, sadly the Garmin didn't capture it because it thought I wasn't moving (MOVE!) so it didn't record. Nuts. Neat feeling, to see the EKG trace jump-jump-jump so fast and feel the THUDs of the beat in my chest while being still.
A few things from this -- it's great to see my HR still in the low numbers, tells me I haven't deconditioned so much? My CV system still great, but the soft tissues and joints really out of adaptation. And it's great to feel the heart run like that, like revving the engine, to feel (and see!!) how strong and fluid and flexible and ready it feels.
When the results came back a day later as "all good", I already expected the answer so I was neither excited or relieved.
But the damage was done. I spent a week in that "fragilizing" state -- wondering if something's wrong, having doubts planted in my brain, and those seeds of doubt just being there is enough to impact how I think about my body.
I have such doubts about it, I don't trust or know my body right now. I feel like I'm a prisoner in a body that's not mine.
Next up an ultrasound with Dr McM. I concerned that I'll have to make a decision -- keep it or remove it -- and I'm not ready to make that decision. I need more info, and maybe the decision won't present itself anyway.
Sunday, January 12, 2020
I don't know how to end 2019 here
I've been putting this off but here goes anyway. I'm listening to Tool's Schism.
That was 2019. The pieces fit.
Can't keep putting this off. My goal is to print the book and get it wrapped up.
I last wrote on Dec 13th. Since then life is up and down and up and down. I'm not sure how much to put in here? Usually I put it all down so someday I can look back and see how it was. But do I want to remember this crazy?
Dec 16th was my last day at work before leaving with LA for a vacation to North Carolina! My first in 5 years, the last vacation being B2B in Wilmington NC on my birthday 2014. That vacation was hell. The race was great, a golden day in the midst of a stress-filled and unhappy stretch of life. This time, however, was wonderful. I actually ate food - real food not food I packed and brought along. Sure I got some stomach upset, but not enough to deter me. And I actually didn't run, bike, swim, anything at all (more on that below). I would have liked to, but even if I could it wouldn't have fit the relaxed vibe of this trip. The days watching Game of Thrones in the giant marshmallow-like sleeping bag while the ocean was in front of us. Walking the beach and finding shells. Sleep-in mornings and otherwise unplanned days. Loved it.
Them home to a day at lab. Mice still don't understand holidays. Then up to my parents for Christmas. More relaxation, family, and love.
New Year's with LA, all day. Mom and Dad visited for doctors appointments, LA to Virginia. And me back to work to remember what it was I did in my normal life.
My normal life. What a thing to day. Life is not normal right now.
Throughout December my right hip continued to ache and hurt. I walked with a limp, and my left hip started to sing the same song but a different tune. I kept denying it's problems, but was happy to find that even after sitting for hours in the truck to/from NC my hip started to feel better. It was the lack of walking, I think.
Home from NC with a UTI to Urgent Care at midnight/morning of Dec 24th. Thankfully the meds quickly alleviated symptoms, Christmas with that pain would have been awful. The UTI returned on Jan 2nd, more urgent care and a not-as-quick recovery. I'm currently (January 12th) 3 days off antibiotics and watching for a similar post-treatment recurrence. So far so good.
December 31st saw Dr L and he said my range of motion is great, but the continuing pain means something else is going on. Further treatment suspended until I get re-evaluated by Orthopedics and see his homeopathy-ish reference Dr JS.
So I contact Ortho. Set up appointments with Dr JS.
Jan 3rd or so I start feeling awful, swollen body (ankles and boobs, wtf with that?!), the return of that crippling fatigue with headaches, nausea, and more. I joke with LA about being pregnant and that I should check my IUD. And of course, I can't feel the strings. At least, I don't think I can.
Jan 6th call Dr McM while on the way to an appt with Dr B, she says to take a home-test. JFC, my parents are here and that little story will stay mental.
Jan 6th appt with Dr B - I'm stressed, sick, feeling awful, unfocused, and have trouble answering questions. I try to write off the chest pain I've been having while walking the dog as stress due to hip pain. He says he doesn't care about the hip pain and schedules me for a cardiac stress test. UGH I feel like I'm failing at this. Especially since I can't do the treadmill version due to my stupid fucking hip.
Jan 8th dentist says my old filling had decay and I need a crown, may or not need a root canal.
Jan 10th I finally call Dr JS office to inquire about the nature of these scans I'm scheduled to have on the 16th for $150. One is a bioresonance scan for the "frequencies produced by microorganisms and disease" and another to measure the galvanic skin response to digital signatures of common food allergens. What in the fucking hell. I cancel the scan. I might even cancel the February appointment. I'll lose $40 of my $160 deposit, but is it worth $120 to hear more of this crazy?
Jan 10th my bone scan says I'm stable and maybe even improved in terms of bone mineral density, but the pubic bone stress fracture and apparent lack of healing prompted them to suggest going back on something like Forteo or the newer Tymlos. UGH. I ask if they are indicated for stress fractures, answer was 'no'. What? This decision put off until I see Orthopedics.
As it stands right now, I have 17th appt to see Dr McM for ultrasound to check IUD. Appt on 27th with Orthopedics and another later in the day with Dr A. The goal of this appointment is to get after some other symptoms -- fatigue, weight gain, lack of injury healing, whatever else.
Thinking about this spins my head into despair, and I'm now sure that the symptoms of acute depression that I sometimes feel are due not to actual depression but instead due to just mental meanderings into the depths of "what's wrong with me".
As of today. My right hip pain is now acute and worse. The fracture pubic bone aches and has recently developed sharp acute pains (mayhaps correlated to the two 30 min Bird rides I did this week, the timing fits). My left hip pain matches the right hip pains in the anterior hip, but lacks the lateral (trabecular?) acute pain, and most of the bone pings. My back is weak but the fatigue and tightness comes and goes. My left knee hurt on the first Bird ride, but only hurts on flexion. Enough on the stupid hip.
Other news I don't normally cover here. The "staying with" progressed to "living with" and entertains on the idea of "moving in". This is entirely unexpected for me. Never would have guessed all this. It started the week after Thanksgiving and since then life has a target. Instead of waking up and thinking "another day, how many more I have to go through" I instead look forward to it. It's a positive change on many fronts -- social, food, mental and optimism, physical and health. My house is now not just a place I go to because work is done. I go there and enjoy being there. And Sugar's not complaining either, haha, more food for her. This is off-topic in the blog, but I do have to mention it for the positive effects and major life change.
I'm still listening to music, and my playlist just called up Don't Stop Believin' as I finish this post.
I know the pieces fit, because I watched them fall away.
That was 2019. The pieces fit.
There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Can't keep putting this off. My goal is to print the book and get it wrapped up.
I last wrote on Dec 13th. Since then life is up and down and up and down. I'm not sure how much to put in here? Usually I put it all down so someday I can look back and see how it was. But do I want to remember this crazy?
Dec 16th was my last day at work before leaving with LA for a vacation to North Carolina! My first in 5 years, the last vacation being B2B in Wilmington NC on my birthday 2014. That vacation was hell. The race was great, a golden day in the midst of a stress-filled and unhappy stretch of life. This time, however, was wonderful. I actually ate food - real food not food I packed and brought along. Sure I got some stomach upset, but not enough to deter me. And I actually didn't run, bike, swim, anything at all (more on that below). I would have liked to, but even if I could it wouldn't have fit the relaxed vibe of this trip. The days watching Game of Thrones in the giant marshmallow-like sleeping bag while the ocean was in front of us. Walking the beach and finding shells. Sleep-in mornings and otherwise unplanned days. Loved it.
Them home to a day at lab. Mice still don't understand holidays. Then up to my parents for Christmas. More relaxation, family, and love.
New Year's with LA, all day. Mom and Dad visited for doctors appointments, LA to Virginia. And me back to work to remember what it was I did in my normal life.
My normal life. What a thing to day. Life is not normal right now.
Throughout December my right hip continued to ache and hurt. I walked with a limp, and my left hip started to sing the same song but a different tune. I kept denying it's problems, but was happy to find that even after sitting for hours in the truck to/from NC my hip started to feel better. It was the lack of walking, I think.
Home from NC with a UTI to Urgent Care at midnight/morning of Dec 24th. Thankfully the meds quickly alleviated symptoms, Christmas with that pain would have been awful. The UTI returned on Jan 2nd, more urgent care and a not-as-quick recovery. I'm currently (January 12th) 3 days off antibiotics and watching for a similar post-treatment recurrence. So far so good.
December 31st saw Dr L and he said my range of motion is great, but the continuing pain means something else is going on. Further treatment suspended until I get re-evaluated by Orthopedics and see his homeopathy-ish reference Dr JS.
So I contact Ortho. Set up appointments with Dr JS.
Jan 3rd or so I start feeling awful, swollen body (ankles and boobs, wtf with that?!), the return of that crippling fatigue with headaches, nausea, and more. I joke with LA about being pregnant and that I should check my IUD. And of course, I can't feel the strings. At least, I don't think I can.
Jan 6th call Dr McM while on the way to an appt with Dr B, she says to take a home-test. JFC, my parents are here and that little story will stay mental.
Jan 6th appt with Dr B - I'm stressed, sick, feeling awful, unfocused, and have trouble answering questions. I try to write off the chest pain I've been having while walking the dog as stress due to hip pain. He says he doesn't care about the hip pain and schedules me for a cardiac stress test. UGH I feel like I'm failing at this. Especially since I can't do the treadmill version due to my stupid fucking hip.
Jan 8th dentist says my old filling had decay and I need a crown, may or not need a root canal.
Jan 10th I finally call Dr JS office to inquire about the nature of these scans I'm scheduled to have on the 16th for $150. One is a bioresonance scan for the "frequencies produced by microorganisms and disease" and another to measure the galvanic skin response to digital signatures of common food allergens. What in the fucking hell. I cancel the scan. I might even cancel the February appointment. I'll lose $40 of my $160 deposit, but is it worth $120 to hear more of this crazy?
Jan 10th my bone scan says I'm stable and maybe even improved in terms of bone mineral density, but the pubic bone stress fracture and apparent lack of healing prompted them to suggest going back on something like Forteo or the newer Tymlos. UGH. I ask if they are indicated for stress fractures, answer was 'no'. What? This decision put off until I see Orthopedics.
As it stands right now, I have 17th appt to see Dr McM for ultrasound to check IUD. Appt on 27th with Orthopedics and another later in the day with Dr A. The goal of this appointment is to get after some other symptoms -- fatigue, weight gain, lack of injury healing, whatever else.
Thinking about this spins my head into despair, and I'm now sure that the symptoms of acute depression that I sometimes feel are due not to actual depression but instead due to just mental meanderings into the depths of "what's wrong with me".
As of today. My right hip pain is now acute and worse. The fracture pubic bone aches and has recently developed sharp acute pains (mayhaps correlated to the two 30 min Bird rides I did this week, the timing fits). My left hip pain matches the right hip pains in the anterior hip, but lacks the lateral (trabecular?) acute pain, and most of the bone pings. My back is weak but the fatigue and tightness comes and goes. My left knee hurt on the first Bird ride, but only hurts on flexion. Enough on the stupid hip.
Other news I don't normally cover here. The "staying with" progressed to "living with" and entertains on the idea of "moving in". This is entirely unexpected for me. Never would have guessed all this. It started the week after Thanksgiving and since then life has a target. Instead of waking up and thinking "another day, how many more I have to go through" I instead look forward to it. It's a positive change on many fronts -- social, food, mental and optimism, physical and health. My house is now not just a place I go to because work is done. I go there and enjoy being there. And Sugar's not complaining either, haha, more food for her. This is off-topic in the blog, but I do have to mention it for the positive effects and major life change.
I'm still listening to music, and my playlist just called up Don't Stop Believin' as I finish this post.
Payin' anything to roll the dice just one more time
Oh, the movie never ends, It goes on and on and on and on
Don't Stop Believin'
Hold On To That Feeling
Friday, December 13, 2019
One month gap, not much to say
NOT MUCH
That's what I've been doing. Not much. Haven't biked since Thanksgiving, trying to rest the hip(s) and just recovery physically and mentally. It's draining to always be in some sort of pain.
The right hip is the worst of the two, and the left hip is probably just a compensation issue. Earlier this month Dr L treated the anterior hip connections (sartorius, rector femoris, TFL, and glut med) (assuming I'm spelling them correctly). This left me with large swollen bruises but no change in condition. So boo.
I'm walking a lot more, and noticed in the last day or so that walking Sugar at her slow pace is worse than just walking. I've been listing the good and the bad for the hips:
Good: down steps, standing, sitting, full forward flexion
Bad: climbing steps on bilateral anterior hip; lying on my side for more than a few minutes, a deep bone-like ache in varied locations from hip to foot; first few steps after sitting for a period, a pain in the joint soft tissues that leaves my leg feeling weak.
Nutrition is going great, many new foods and much less apprehension. Thanks to LA for exposure therapy and stress reduction, encouragement and patience.
Thanksgiving went great, no issues with trying foods and mental stuffs. The anxiety that started to cripple me is fading but is still there.
Just not much to say, except I'm actually going on a vacation next week!!!!! OMG, what the hell, right?
That's what I've been doing. Not much. Haven't biked since Thanksgiving, trying to rest the hip(s) and just recovery physically and mentally. It's draining to always be in some sort of pain.
The right hip is the worst of the two, and the left hip is probably just a compensation issue. Earlier this month Dr L treated the anterior hip connections (sartorius, rector femoris, TFL, and glut med) (assuming I'm spelling them correctly). This left me with large swollen bruises but no change in condition. So boo.
I'm walking a lot more, and noticed in the last day or so that walking Sugar at her slow pace is worse than just walking. I've been listing the good and the bad for the hips:
Good: down steps, standing, sitting, full forward flexion
Bad: climbing steps on bilateral anterior hip; lying on my side for more than a few minutes, a deep bone-like ache in varied locations from hip to foot; first few steps after sitting for a period, a pain in the joint soft tissues that leaves my leg feeling weak.
Nutrition is going great, many new foods and much less apprehension. Thanks to LA for exposure therapy and stress reduction, encouragement and patience.
Thanksgiving went great, no issues with trying foods and mental stuffs. The anxiety that started to cripple me is fading but is still there.
Just not much to say, except I'm actually going on a vacation next week!!!!! OMG, what the hell, right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)