Back in STL for appointments with Dr L, surgeon, and JB for first PT sessions. Mom still with me until early Friday. So this is my week to see if I can 'survive' on my own by the weekend.
Still on crutches, still minimal pain and discomfort. Dr L's appt went great, more pain and less suffering after things are loosened up. Later that day was followup with surgeon, and she reviewed the photos with me (yay!) and said I could start weaning off crutches. Maybe be off crutches in a week. Could try driving about that time. And can try swimming with the pull buoy after Friday. All good news! Fast appt, in and out. Any my hands LOVE the news about weaning off the crutches.
In my head I set a goal of swimming on Oct 1, as a way to start the month off with a good habit. This didn't happen, btw.
Wednesday was the first PT appt. The sign over my table was #RecruitGlutes and I think that's going to be the theme for these next few weeks. She did some evaluations and stretches, and got me going on a list of basic moves. I was so happy to hear 'hip bridges', TWENTY of them!! This is the most muscle activation I've had since surgery, yes!!
I started weaning from Bitch and Whore (I named the crutches but not the walker, the walker never pissed me off that much. B&W keep falling over, tipping, stubbing...) by hopping around the kitchen. Nervously, I kept waiting for that feeling of something going wrong.
I went to work for the first time Wednesday, but once there learned that my FMLA didn't release me until Thursday! I misunderstood the 'FMLA ending on 9-27' as 'I can return on 9-27'. Oops, I left fast!
Didn't try Thursday or Friday at work, I was having awful left leg swelling. My skin was muffin-topping over my Snoopy socks! JB called it pitting edema and said I need to spent more time with my feet elevated and do my dorsi-plantar-flex foot pumps. These all helped, but the swelling returned once I stood again, like water in a wave machine...back... and forth....and back... Was ugly to see how much swelling accumulated.
On Thursday Mom took Sugar and I to the FoPa group run for a post run treats and celeb of LC's and IT's IMWI finish and IT's bday. LC suggested bringing something I can eat or something chocolate. So Mom helped me make choco-dipped bacon and orange slices :) Sugar was an over-excited pooch and didn't behave for mom. Bad dog!
TV and MP continued to help walk Sugar. Mom made great progress on her business blurbs, wish I was home more to help and see this launch. I told RM that I could "gradually" wean off B&W and he replied: "Gradual and TJ in the same sentence?!?!??!! Cubs win world series, Trump gets elected... Hell keeps freezing over and over". I think that will be the front quote to the 2017 blog book!
Mom left Friday after PT and a few last shopping errands to get me caught up for a few weeks. Hard to shop ahead when I buy mostly fresh food and produce. But my freezer is stocked and I have plans.
Really said to see Mom go!!!! But gotta cut the cord.
Friday, September 22, 2017
Monday, September 18, 2017
Week 2 after surgery
More summarizing.
Dr L is pleased with my range of motion, seemed excited even. I noted some tingling which he recognized as a nerve thing, not IT like I thought. I asked about "non-weight bearing" and how to balance that with "toe touch", and he said I could lightly touch, don't worry about it. I noted that for a scientist "zero is zero", and he asked mom if I was that "persnickety" when not injured. Then while asking more more questions about my sis and our similarities and differences worked on some nerve entrapment and more. Ooooh, yeah. Pain. He joked that if there was anything mom wanted to know, now would be a good time to ask -- while under duress of pain. HA!
Forgot to mention, visited Gramma over the past weekend. She beat me on the walker! Held the door open for me, looked after me, a role reversal. Also forgot to mention -- Jess visited Saturday morning for a few hours, sat in mom's newly decorated sun room.
And I was able to ride mom's bike as needed. The first day I rode at 12 mph. That felt slow to me! But the pain the next day indicated I was wrong there. Took a day off, then back to it at 3.5 mph. As I said to TH, I can only get faster from here! I mixed bike and CPM as best I could. Still lots of sitting, and learning as I go. Like how the dining room chairs that I spent too much time in hurt my leg. That the blue recliner was perfect for getting my feet up and pressure of my back. Lots of ice machine, that was vaguely prescribed as "as desired". But mom and dad asked and prompted me to use, otherwise I'd forget or skip.
This week stayed in STL from Monday to Thursday. Sugar was walked by TV and MP and stayed at the Watering Bowl while I was gone. She was excited to go!
Mom and I kept noting odd coincidences. The first was the Bees Knees card I found way back in April while card shopping for her birthday. I bought the card without knowing why I wanted it, aside from the bees, as it was a Thank You card. Other randoms -- we picked up a thank you gift for MP with a raw blue sapphire set in a necklace. Turns out it was her birthday and that was her birthday stone. (Also her nephew Bob lka Murphy was born last weekend!). Many weird coincidences, I'll never remember them all, but it left a feeling of This Was All Meant To Happen.
Back to Illinois Thursday, again stopping often to walk and stretch. Worked on notes for the new business, and with that the driving went FAST.
That weekend K slept over and even with pillows tried to kick me. She like the ice machine and CPM machine to heal her 'boo-boos' on her leg. She liked playing with the crutches when I set them as short as they could go. Both kids were careful around me, and I really enjoyed being able to just sit with them and having nothing else to do and no where else to go.
Sooooo much happened, yet not much happened. Back to STL on Monday for Dr L and first visit with JB for PT.
Summary -- still no hip pain, all the pain and problem in my poor hands.
Dr L is pleased with my range of motion, seemed excited even. I noted some tingling which he recognized as a nerve thing, not IT like I thought. I asked about "non-weight bearing" and how to balance that with "toe touch", and he said I could lightly touch, don't worry about it. I noted that for a scientist "zero is zero", and he asked mom if I was that "persnickety" when not injured. Then while asking more more questions about my sis and our similarities and differences worked on some nerve entrapment and more. Ooooh, yeah. Pain. He joked that if there was anything mom wanted to know, now would be a good time to ask -- while under duress of pain. HA!
Forgot to mention, visited Gramma over the past weekend. She beat me on the walker! Held the door open for me, looked after me, a role reversal. Also forgot to mention -- Jess visited Saturday morning for a few hours, sat in mom's newly decorated sun room.
And I was able to ride mom's bike as needed. The first day I rode at 12 mph. That felt slow to me! But the pain the next day indicated I was wrong there. Took a day off, then back to it at 3.5 mph. As I said to TH, I can only get faster from here! I mixed bike and CPM as best I could. Still lots of sitting, and learning as I go. Like how the dining room chairs that I spent too much time in hurt my leg. That the blue recliner was perfect for getting my feet up and pressure of my back. Lots of ice machine, that was vaguely prescribed as "as desired". But mom and dad asked and prompted me to use, otherwise I'd forget or skip.
This week stayed in STL from Monday to Thursday. Sugar was walked by TV and MP and stayed at the Watering Bowl while I was gone. She was excited to go!
Mom and I kept noting odd coincidences. The first was the Bees Knees card I found way back in April while card shopping for her birthday. I bought the card without knowing why I wanted it, aside from the bees, as it was a Thank You card. Other randoms -- we picked up a thank you gift for MP with a raw blue sapphire set in a necklace. Turns out it was her birthday and that was her birthday stone. (Also her nephew Bob lka Murphy was born last weekend!). Many weird coincidences, I'll never remember them all, but it left a feeling of This Was All Meant To Happen.
Back to Illinois Thursday, again stopping often to walk and stretch. Worked on notes for the new business, and with that the driving went FAST.
That weekend K slept over and even with pillows tried to kick me. She like the ice machine and CPM machine to heal her 'boo-boos' on her leg. She liked playing with the crutches when I set them as short as they could go. Both kids were careful around me, and I really enjoyed being able to just sit with them and having nothing else to do and no where else to go.
Sooooo much happened, yet not much happened. Back to STL on Monday for Dr L and first visit with JB for PT.
Summary -- still no hip pain, all the pain and problem in my poor hands.
Monday, September 11, 2017
Surgery. Street Drugs. Stillness.
Writing this 3 weeks after surgery. A blessed 3 weeks of little-to-no personal internet time. I'll try to get all I can in without spending another 3 weeks trying to get it all recorded.
Week of surgery. Mom came down Sunday and the afternoon was spent readying. Errands, shopping, etc. Sugar and I never did get our camping trip in, and good thing as I didn't have the spare time in the end. And sitting in the tent with my hip in full-flexed position - not a good idea.
That morning there wasn't time for the Monday group ride (haha, I seriously considered it, but I don't think the surgical advice of shower with anti-bact soap, sleep on clean sheets, shower again the next morning was meant to be interrupted by a bike ride!) and we were at the hospital by 730am. No nerves at all. And almost happily, I walked in with my pained limp. And took as many steps as I could! Back in the prep ward - changed out of clothes, got IV-lined, hooked up to leads, and questioned and questioned more. There were delays, I didn't go back until maybe noon or noon-thirty. Mom and I worked on her new business adventure, it's so exciting for her!
It was funny while lying there, even after months of no running I continue to have a very low heart rate. The alarm was set to 55, alarm, reset to 50, alarm, reset to 45, alarm. I went as low as 39! It served as proof that I wasn't nerved up (I was asked) and supported my request to skip the anti-anxiety medications (versed, I think) delivered with anesthesia. One of the anesthesiologists joked that I was probably healthier than anyone on the floor, and they weren't worried about my health for this.
Once finally wheeled back, still no nerves. Of course the surgical room was cold, the traction boots set-up to pull my leg out of the hip joint was just as creepy looking as it was in the YT videos I studied. I joked with the staff, enjoyed looking around at the equipment, then .... off to sleepy time!
I remembered nothing until recovery, and at this point things get hazy. Not unexpectedly, I was coming out of anesthesia! But I don't remember everything that happened in the right order. I remember hearing that she found the tear, repaired it with sutures and anchors, and the surrounding cartilage was "that of a 20 year old". That's great news!
I remember what I think was an anesthesiologist sitting to my left (and mom to my right) asking me how I was feeling. I felt inflated, heavy, like my hands were leaded weights but full of air and swollen like balloons. I couldn't move. Soon after, or at some point after, I started to feel twitching. It progressed into what seemed to be like full body spasms. I lifted my back off the bed, I remember doing that, my arms jumping, my legs moving, and in all of this the terrifying fear that I was going to move my repaired leg and undo the surgery! I remember saying (or thinking) "don't move the leg, don't move the leg" and putting my right leg crossed over the left at the ankle.
In my head, I was fine. This wasn't a seizure, my head was calm and I tried saying this out loud. Not sure if I did. I remember someone saying "squeeze my hand", I couldn't. "Open your eyes", I couldn't, so they were opened for me with bright flashes of light. I could hear mom saying "this isn't normal, something's wrong". And that was it.
I found out later -- dystonic reaction likely due to the propofol and/or zofram in the anesthesia. Mom was repeated questioned about what street drugs I was using, that this reaction could be countered if they only knew what they were dealing with. She was at some point asked to leave. Six doctors from neurology, anesthesia, and surgery stood around the bed trying to decide what to do. Commenting about how they'd never seen this before, etc.
In the end, a dose of benedryl. Then 3 doses of valium!!! Finally put me out and I rested. TV and MP were there, I was admitted for observation, TV and MP bought me some dinner (HB eggs and ... something else...), I had a head CT, a CPM machine was delivered, it's a lot of fragments.
Woke up the next morning to a surgical assistant asking if my mom was OK. That was my first hint of what I later learned was I thought was a few minutes of twitching was in fact maybe 75 minutes! WHAT?! This turned into a long but calm morning. Mom brought brekkie, the hospital delivered brekkie of pancakes and sausage (seriously?) that Mom got to eat. Surgery came in and brought a file of pictures and info, and only now as I type I'm realizing that is the moment I learned about the surgery details and cartilage and some bone shaving she did. Neurology came in and assured us it was seizures. TV came by for lunch, at the same time PT came in for a training course on crutches and stairs and getting around.
To my surprise, no pain. In fact, never any pain. Never took the pile of drugs they left with me, which at first included zofram (medical errors, that's how that happens). Naproxen for anti-inflammatory. Aspirin for blood clots. A vicodin for pain along with zofram and some stool softener to counter the vicodin side effects. Got a LOT of vicodin in my drug pile now!
Next few days -- lots of CPM, couch time, mom helping me move around into and out of bed, into and out of CPM, no showering, changing bandages. She did SO MUCH, my Bees Knees. We drove back to home Thursday, then dad helped out. I was going great. Healthy, awake, looked OK, but couldn't move myself!
Still no pain, in fact my hands and wrists hurt more after a few days of crutches and walker. At the end of one week, we drove back to STL to prep for an appt with Dr L.
First week summary: all good! It seemed more stressful for the people around me.
Week of surgery. Mom came down Sunday and the afternoon was spent readying. Errands, shopping, etc. Sugar and I never did get our camping trip in, and good thing as I didn't have the spare time in the end. And sitting in the tent with my hip in full-flexed position - not a good idea.
That morning there wasn't time for the Monday group ride (haha, I seriously considered it, but I don't think the surgical advice of shower with anti-bact soap, sleep on clean sheets, shower again the next morning was meant to be interrupted by a bike ride!) and we were at the hospital by 730am. No nerves at all. And almost happily, I walked in with my pained limp. And took as many steps as I could! Back in the prep ward - changed out of clothes, got IV-lined, hooked up to leads, and questioned and questioned more. There were delays, I didn't go back until maybe noon or noon-thirty. Mom and I worked on her new business adventure, it's so exciting for her!
It was funny while lying there, even after months of no running I continue to have a very low heart rate. The alarm was set to 55, alarm, reset to 50, alarm, reset to 45, alarm. I went as low as 39! It served as proof that I wasn't nerved up (I was asked) and supported my request to skip the anti-anxiety medications (versed, I think) delivered with anesthesia. One of the anesthesiologists joked that I was probably healthier than anyone on the floor, and they weren't worried about my health for this.
Once finally wheeled back, still no nerves. Of course the surgical room was cold, the traction boots set-up to pull my leg out of the hip joint was just as creepy looking as it was in the YT videos I studied. I joked with the staff, enjoyed looking around at the equipment, then .... off to sleepy time!
I remembered nothing until recovery, and at this point things get hazy. Not unexpectedly, I was coming out of anesthesia! But I don't remember everything that happened in the right order. I remember hearing that she found the tear, repaired it with sutures and anchors, and the surrounding cartilage was "that of a 20 year old". That's great news!
I remember what I think was an anesthesiologist sitting to my left (and mom to my right) asking me how I was feeling. I felt inflated, heavy, like my hands were leaded weights but full of air and swollen like balloons. I couldn't move. Soon after, or at some point after, I started to feel twitching. It progressed into what seemed to be like full body spasms. I lifted my back off the bed, I remember doing that, my arms jumping, my legs moving, and in all of this the terrifying fear that I was going to move my repaired leg and undo the surgery! I remember saying (or thinking) "don't move the leg, don't move the leg" and putting my right leg crossed over the left at the ankle.
In my head, I was fine. This wasn't a seizure, my head was calm and I tried saying this out loud. Not sure if I did. I remember someone saying "squeeze my hand", I couldn't. "Open your eyes", I couldn't, so they were opened for me with bright flashes of light. I could hear mom saying "this isn't normal, something's wrong". And that was it.
I found out later -- dystonic reaction likely due to the propofol and/or zofram in the anesthesia. Mom was repeated questioned about what street drugs I was using, that this reaction could be countered if they only knew what they were dealing with. She was at some point asked to leave. Six doctors from neurology, anesthesia, and surgery stood around the bed trying to decide what to do. Commenting about how they'd never seen this before, etc.
In the end, a dose of benedryl. Then 3 doses of valium!!! Finally put me out and I rested. TV and MP were there, I was admitted for observation, TV and MP bought me some dinner (HB eggs and ... something else...), I had a head CT, a CPM machine was delivered, it's a lot of fragments.
Woke up the next morning to a surgical assistant asking if my mom was OK. That was my first hint of what I later learned was I thought was a few minutes of twitching was in fact maybe 75 minutes! WHAT?! This turned into a long but calm morning. Mom brought brekkie, the hospital delivered brekkie of pancakes and sausage (seriously?) that Mom got to eat. Surgery came in and brought a file of pictures and info, and only now as I type I'm realizing that is the moment I learned about the surgery details and cartilage and some bone shaving she did. Neurology came in and assured us it was seizures. TV came by for lunch, at the same time PT came in for a training course on crutches and stairs and getting around.
To my surprise, no pain. In fact, never any pain. Never took the pile of drugs they left with me, which at first included zofram (medical errors, that's how that happens). Naproxen for anti-inflammatory. Aspirin for blood clots. A vicodin for pain along with zofram and some stool softener to counter the vicodin side effects. Got a LOT of vicodin in my drug pile now!
Next few days -- lots of CPM, couch time, mom helping me move around into and out of bed, into and out of CPM, no showering, changing bandages. She did SO MUCH, my Bees Knees. We drove back to home Thursday, then dad helped out. I was going great. Healthy, awake, looked OK, but couldn't move myself!
Still no pain, in fact my hands and wrists hurt more after a few days of crutches and walker. At the end of one week, we drove back to STL to prep for an appt with Dr L.
First week summary: all good! It seemed more stressful for the people around me.
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Only days away from surgery
So what's been going on? Not much. I tried running but stopped due to pain. It didn't hurt so much while running, it was the nights after that were the worst. I'd run Saturday morning and live with the after effects until Monday.
I'm sleeping in because I don't sleep well. Still biking to work. Not walking much because of the nearly-continuous "popping". Watching Kitchen Nightmare clips on YouTube.
Planning. Lots of planning. Yesterday I got my first read of the post-op instructions and this is giving me a better idea of what to expect. Making lists and maps for Mom.
I'm thinking about going camping with Sugar tomorrow night out at Klondike. I've had the urge to do this for over a month now, but I don't have everything done like I need to before Monday. Still haven't fixed the back deck step. Haven't purchased the crutches I'll need next week. Not packed, for the post-surgery or the camping trip. When I called the campground today, I learned that I'd missed the phone-reservation option. This was holding me up, I waited as long as I could to see what I could get done first. Now I know that I can do this on the fly. So, what I should be doing right now is getting stuff done!
Make a list of what I gotta accomplish, haha, then go from there.
I'm sleeping in because I don't sleep well. Still biking to work. Not walking much because of the nearly-continuous "popping". Watching Kitchen Nightmare clips on YouTube.
Planning. Lots of planning. Yesterday I got my first read of the post-op instructions and this is giving me a better idea of what to expect. Making lists and maps for Mom.
I'm thinking about going camping with Sugar tomorrow night out at Klondike. I've had the urge to do this for over a month now, but I don't have everything done like I need to before Monday. Still haven't fixed the back deck step. Haven't purchased the crutches I'll need next week. Not packed, for the post-surgery or the camping trip. When I called the campground today, I learned that I'd missed the phone-reservation option. This was holding me up, I waited as long as I could to see what I could get done first. Now I know that I can do this on the fly. So, what I should be doing right now is getting stuff done!
Make a list of what I gotta accomplish, haha, then go from there.
Monday, August 28, 2017
I went for a run! I paid for it, but I ran
Saturday RUN 1.5 miles in about 15 mins
Monday BIKE 14 miles in 60 mins in TGP
I also went for a run last Saturday, I think I mentioned it? That hurt too, my poor hip. I didn't sleep well for a few nights afterwards. Same this weekend. And it's not just my hip, it's my back too. Seems I'm all out of alignment?
I feel weak, the strength and confidence I used to have seems sapped away. My body has changed not to my liking in this way. I'm not hesitant to move, pick something up, climb a ladder, etc. I'm looking forward to just getting back to feeling strong.
The running feels good, but not great. The biking hurts much less so I'm doing more of that. I don't mention it but I'm still commuting everyday. The Monday rides are with RE and IT, depending on who is available. Today it was BE, we started a little later because the sunrise is now 6:26am. And the park was a mess from the Festival of Nations. No, I didn't go, I wanted to, but the money and orthorexia kept me away. My gut has been doing so well, I'm afraid to disrupt that. Although surgery might upset things, antibiotics and such, I'm going to hold course now best I can.
Last thing I need is to add to my body woes!
Monday BIKE 14 miles in 60 mins in TGP
I also went for a run last Saturday, I think I mentioned it? That hurt too, my poor hip. I didn't sleep well for a few nights afterwards. Same this weekend. And it's not just my hip, it's my back too. Seems I'm all out of alignment?
I feel weak, the strength and confidence I used to have seems sapped away. My body has changed not to my liking in this way. I'm not hesitant to move, pick something up, climb a ladder, etc. I'm looking forward to just getting back to feeling strong.
The running feels good, but not great. The biking hurts much less so I'm doing more of that. I don't mention it but I'm still commuting everyday. The Monday rides are with RE and IT, depending on who is available. Today it was BE, we started a little later because the sunrise is now 6:26am. And the park was a mess from the Festival of Nations. No, I didn't go, I wanted to, but the money and orthorexia kept me away. My gut has been doing so well, I'm afraid to disrupt that. Although surgery might upset things, antibiotics and such, I'm going to hold course now best I can.
Last thing I need is to add to my body woes!
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
1 minute, 49.7 seconds of totality
There are few transforming events in life, even few transcendental I'd guess. My previous transcendental was R2T100 last October, somewhere around 1 or 2 or 3 am when I was walking solo on a fully dark path with only the stars spinning above in a pool of black. That's what the silver glitter on my thumb reminds me of, those quiet stars watching my progress. An occasional shooting star flashed overhead. I felt small, powerful, alone, connected, smothered, free.
Coulda been the opioids....but that was miles and hours before.
I realized a few weeks ago that August has been building to this, the metamorphosis I've been feeling seemed like it could crest here, like when the sun reappeared the Butterfly would appear.
A recent Jin pod talked about how the caterpillar needs to die for the Butterfly to be born. My computer wallpaper had a caterpillar - chrysalis - butterfly montage. Other pods mentioned this metamorphosis, the mush phase and the transformation, the death of a caterpillar and the birth of the butterfly.
To really top it off, I recently learned that xDH has left the building. Another freedom.
I rode out to my coworker's home for a group watch, an alternate to lab meeting as the boss called it. During the ride I realized that in other years I might do this as a run, the computer estimated 13-14 miles would make an eclipse marathon! But no, riding today. Besides, it's hot and all city running. I wasn't able to find a greensway or path to link through.
The eclipse at my house was only 30 seconds. I'm sure Sugar slept through it. SVC's house had 1:49.6, about the best I could do without a long early morning drive to some random place to watch alone. Glad I didn't do that!
The eclipse started for us at 11:49 am. We went out front to catch the beginnings, I sat alone on the sidewalk and re-listened to the Jin butterfly podcast. I was surprised at how slowly this progressed. Think about it, the sun and moon are zooming through space, the shadow on the ground was said to be moving at roughly 1500 mph in the midwest. Yet the moon ever so slowly crept across the sun. I wasn't in a rush, I wanted the time to meditate on this. I was feeling something.
As the totality approached, the crescent sun went to a fingernail sun, and we watched from the back patio. We talked some of the science -- learned what collimated lines are (parallel rays of light) and how they'll show as shadow lines immediately before and after the totality. Read about Bailey's Beads, the glowing beads we'll see due to the moon's topography. Shadows stayed short and crisp, the radiative heat of the sun decreased faster than the light. In fact, it was surprising how much sunlight reached us even as the sun disappeared to a thin line. But as that approached, the dimmer switch effect came on -- the suns fading intensity became notable. Like someone was just dimming it. Colors became muted and flat, birds and bugs quiet, but the excitement was anything but.
Then, suddenly, at 1:18pm, totality. The sun was just....gone. Through the glasses a faint orange ring, but glasses weren't needed now!! A black hole outlined by a dazzlingly bright ring, a fuzzy haze of corona, a 360 sunset effect, stars came out..... AMAZING. In shock and goosebumps and electricity I stood up as if walking a few steps closer could actually bring me closer. I took in the 360 effect, and saw towering thunderclouds to our north still bathed orange in sunlight and flashed in occasional sunlight. Words cannot describe this. It wasn't pitch dark, it was a magical dark. Light but not light. Day but not day. Totality. Nothing like I could have imagined.
Too soon, the diamond ring appeared, a burning bright spot at the top of the moon. Glasses back on!! But before I looked up again, I looked at the house. The shadow lines!! More goosebumps! It was like water reflecting on the side of the house. Thin shadow lines dancing across the siding, so transient, so mesmerizing, so once in a lifetime.
And like the caterpillar's passing, so did totality. The moon continued to fall off the sun, and day returned like before. This phase seemed to go faster than the pre-totality, and like another guest pointed out wasn't as exciting.
I was still awed. Calmed. Transformed?
Then another gift -- rain on my ride home! I couldn't see the rainbow, but that was another gift.
Coulda been the opioids....but that was miles and hours before.
I realized a few weeks ago that August has been building to this, the metamorphosis I've been feeling seemed like it could crest here, like when the sun reappeared the Butterfly would appear.
A recent Jin pod talked about how the caterpillar needs to die for the Butterfly to be born. My computer wallpaper had a caterpillar - chrysalis - butterfly montage. Other pods mentioned this metamorphosis, the mush phase and the transformation, the death of a caterpillar and the birth of the butterfly.
To really top it off, I recently learned that xDH has left the building. Another freedom.
I rode out to my coworker's home for a group watch, an alternate to lab meeting as the boss called it. During the ride I realized that in other years I might do this as a run, the computer estimated 13-14 miles would make an eclipse marathon! But no, riding today. Besides, it's hot and all city running. I wasn't able to find a greensway or path to link through.
The eclipse at my house was only 30 seconds. I'm sure Sugar slept through it. SVC's house had 1:49.6, about the best I could do without a long early morning drive to some random place to watch alone. Glad I didn't do that!
The eclipse started for us at 11:49 am. We went out front to catch the beginnings, I sat alone on the sidewalk and re-listened to the Jin butterfly podcast. I was surprised at how slowly this progressed. Think about it, the sun and moon are zooming through space, the shadow on the ground was said to be moving at roughly 1500 mph in the midwest. Yet the moon ever so slowly crept across the sun. I wasn't in a rush, I wanted the time to meditate on this. I was feeling something.
As the totality approached, the crescent sun went to a fingernail sun, and we watched from the back patio. We talked some of the science -- learned what collimated lines are (parallel rays of light) and how they'll show as shadow lines immediately before and after the totality. Read about Bailey's Beads, the glowing beads we'll see due to the moon's topography. Shadows stayed short and crisp, the radiative heat of the sun decreased faster than the light. In fact, it was surprising how much sunlight reached us even as the sun disappeared to a thin line. But as that approached, the dimmer switch effect came on -- the suns fading intensity became notable. Like someone was just dimming it. Colors became muted and flat, birds and bugs quiet, but the excitement was anything but.
Then, suddenly, at 1:18pm, totality. The sun was just....gone. Through the glasses a faint orange ring, but glasses weren't needed now!! A black hole outlined by a dazzlingly bright ring, a fuzzy haze of corona, a 360 sunset effect, stars came out..... AMAZING. In shock and goosebumps and electricity I stood up as if walking a few steps closer could actually bring me closer. I took in the 360 effect, and saw towering thunderclouds to our north still bathed orange in sunlight and flashed in occasional sunlight. Words cannot describe this. It wasn't pitch dark, it was a magical dark. Light but not light. Day but not day. Totality. Nothing like I could have imagined.
Too soon, the diamond ring appeared, a burning bright spot at the top of the moon. Glasses back on!! But before I looked up again, I looked at the house. The shadow lines!! More goosebumps! It was like water reflecting on the side of the house. Thin shadow lines dancing across the siding, so transient, so mesmerizing, so once in a lifetime.
And like the caterpillar's passing, so did totality. The moon continued to fall off the sun, and day returned like before. This phase seemed to go faster than the pre-totality, and like another guest pointed out wasn't as exciting.
I was still awed. Calmed. Transformed?
Then another gift -- rain on my ride home! I couldn't see the rainbow, but that was another gift.
Surgery is eleventh of September. 3 weeks!!!
Saturday RUN 1 mile in 10 mins, broken with a few walks
Monday RIDE 26.2 to watch eclipse -- like an eclipse marathon!
Easy to remember date, huh? I've been saying "eleventh of September" instead of "9-11" or "September 11th", that was 16 years ago but still it's a marked day.
Today I had my pre-op check. My risk for sleep apnea is 0. Out of 8. So I think I'm good...
Low BP, low HR, "are you a runner?". Yes! Well, I was... And I will be!
I had some mental issues adapting to this whole idea, that life is on "hold" until this is over and done. I hesitate to do things like strength training, because I think I'll lose it all anyway in the recovery months. Kinda true, but even if I was going to lose all progress that doesn't make it not worthwhile to be doing some now.
Other issues like cramming in stuff I'd like to do, went for a run and a ride as listed above. The pain is there, most days it's a very uncomfortable feeling. Impingement is the best word sometimes. The popping, clicking, tight pain when I stand, I'm getting used to it. The lack of sleep on many nights from the pain, no comfortable position can be found. Getting used to it. The inability to lean against a bench or countertop, getting used to it.
What else have I been up to? A minsgame! By Labor Day weekend I hope to have 500 items out of the house, I'm currently at 319 items and $442 :) Heck, $500 would be just as great as 500 items.
I'm cleaning the house like crazy, it's channeling my energy. This past weekend I optimistically planted my fall seeds in the garden, not sure if or when I'll be able to care for and harvest them after surgery, but nothing to lose I guess except a few seeds.
Following Game of Thrones podcasts and watching the clips on YouTube. Meditating more. Hope to break the Blerch habit once the minsgame is done, it sucks me into the app and beyond. Ignoring the news as much as possible, depressing anyway.
Monday RIDE 26.2 to watch eclipse -- like an eclipse marathon!
Easy to remember date, huh? I've been saying "eleventh of September" instead of "9-11" or "September 11th", that was 16 years ago but still it's a marked day.
Today I had my pre-op check. My risk for sleep apnea is 0. Out of 8. So I think I'm good...
Low BP, low HR, "are you a runner?". Yes! Well, I was... And I will be!
I had some mental issues adapting to this whole idea, that life is on "hold" until this is over and done. I hesitate to do things like strength training, because I think I'll lose it all anyway in the recovery months. Kinda true, but even if I was going to lose all progress that doesn't make it not worthwhile to be doing some now.
Other issues like cramming in stuff I'd like to do, went for a run and a ride as listed above. The pain is there, most days it's a very uncomfortable feeling. Impingement is the best word sometimes. The popping, clicking, tight pain when I stand, I'm getting used to it. The lack of sleep on many nights from the pain, no comfortable position can be found. Getting used to it. The inability to lean against a bench or countertop, getting used to it.
What else have I been up to? A minsgame! By Labor Day weekend I hope to have 500 items out of the house, I'm currently at 319 items and $442 :) Heck, $500 would be just as great as 500 items.
I'm cleaning the house like crazy, it's channeling my energy. This past weekend I optimistically planted my fall seeds in the garden, not sure if or when I'll be able to care for and harvest them after surgery, but nothing to lose I guess except a few seeds.
Following Game of Thrones podcasts and watching the clips on YouTube. Meditating more. Hope to break the Blerch habit once the minsgame is done, it sucks me into the app and beyond. Ignoring the news as much as possible, depressing anyway.
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