Post travel update, schisms, lack of change

RUN!! 3 miles in about 33-35 mins
BIKE!! about 7 miles in about 27 mins (yesterday), my first in TN
RUN! about 2 miles with LA and AEA

That's at least one change I've made. 

Remember how when travel was supposed to be When? Then the full moon, that was When. The Eclipse. May 3rd. A haircut. A move. LA gone for 2 weeks. When. Then. Then Again. 

Retainers. Orthodontic. Other eclipse. Surgery. Other surgery. Monday. Yesterday. Today. 

All Whens that failed. Whens that lasted only the minimalist of time. And now here in TN - post travel, post full moon or new moon or whatever moon I pick - no change. 

Then this morning. I'm out on my run and I see a message from my mom. "Did you call Dad today?". This honestly confused me. What happened?! Was I supposed to?

Minute or so later, this was a serious lapse, I realize. Father's Day. I missed Father's Day. 

I didn't miss my bike ride. I didn't miss a meal. I didn't miss any of that stuff in Moria at all, hell most of the day seemed spend there. 

Well this crashed my morning mood. And I here to get out of it. This mood of failure. Of excuse-finding. Of putting the faults everywhere else but me. 

I found the Autobiography in 5 Chapters in a book I took from our last stop to an AA Little Library. I hung it on the fridge. Refer to this post, immediately near this one. 

I'm trying to avoid the hole. I need to avoid the street. 

I want to do BLE. What the fuck is stopping me? Me. 

Instead it's the same hole, and it's most certainly my fault every single time here. Me. 

I forgot my dad on father's day.
I did too many RC.
I picked up the FB yesterday.
I pulled out the multiple CHOs this morning, over and over and over. 

Me.
In Moria.

Go call you dad, and take responsibility.
Go get things done, and quit looking at others for their supposed/imagined problems.

Go. Go down a different street.