Cardiac rehab initial interview

Oh boy. I was excited about doing this, then I started it, and while I'm still excited about it now I'm feeling some sour notes. Not on them, all on me. Let's get into that a little more.

This was at short notice so I didn't have time for the info packet to reach me ahead of this appt, so I have it now and just filled it out. I can start with that. What a joke. Why does it bother me so much? Ugh. Firstly a Rate Your Plate nutrition questionnaire - do I eat skin on poultry; what spread do I use on my bread and crackers; do I pick low or high fat cuts of meat; whole grains or refined; cheese and dairy; processed foods; do I add fat when cooking or frying; how many cups of fruits and veggies (including potato, corn, and legumes ), etc. It's dated 2010! So it's a bit DATED don't we think?!

I got stuck on some of the answers, I mean, I eat all meats low to high fat, so what to pick? "Spreads" seriously -- they mean tub margarine, veg oils, canola oils!! Their idea of heart healthy is margarine, whole grains, lean meats, legumes, low fat dairy. Ugh, I'm in trouble. I'm sure a balance can be found, right? I'll come back to that.

Then a questionnaire about how satisfied and how important various life factors are to me: including my health, symptoms, my family's health, children, emotional support, my usefulness to others, my education, peace of mind, faith in god, personal appearance, my neighborhood, my worries, etc etc blah blah. Rated on a scale of Very Dissatisfied or Very Satisfied, or Very Unimportant to Very Important. Same questions, different rating on a 6-point scale. I stared at this for awhile. How da fuq am I supposed to answer? While I do think about whether I'm satisfied with my neighborhood, and my neighborhood is important to me, I don't dwell on it. Where I to select Very Dissatisfied I mean, really, what are they going to do about it, move me to a new neighborhood? Where I to say that my friends are Very Unimportant to me, or even Slightly so, isn't that on me to quit bitching about and go fix?

What am I trying to say here. I dunno. Guess I mean that were I to dwell on these issues, then yeah I would be an unhappy person. So I got mad and circled all the same numbers for the first 3 of the 4 pages, then quit before I got to the 4th page about how Important it is to "have no worries" and "having a happy future" and "my personal appearance" is to me.

Then a depression screen questionnaire: How often do I have trouble with focus, energy, eating, sleeping, moving, speaking. Um let's see here, don't we all have days like this? So is it "several days", "more than half the days", "nearly every day", or "not at all". Well YEAH I have trouble focusing lately, duh!, who wouldn't. Yeah my appetite and sleep sucks, shouldn't it?! As I learned in the previous questions, it's Very Important to me. Were I to check "more than half the days" I'd sound like a depressed loser who needs a hard smack across the head. (And maybe more exercise in nature, oh, right, I can't do that shit right now). So I selected "not at all" for the answers to all questions. Seriously, I don't dwell on this shit, and if I did I WOULD be depressed. 

OK so enough on the paperwork. My BP was in the 80/50 range (started the blood pressure meds yesterday) so that was "low". My oxygen was 99-100%, that was "good". My weight is "low" but "don't lose anymore" (and don't forget that my appetite is poor and my diet SUCKS according to these other forms). I walked 14.5 laps in 6 mins, and while doing so read "heart healthy" notes on the wall that don't seem to apply to me. I asked afterwards, the usual is around 15 laps. Damn, I'm slow.

Lots of asking, naturally, about my symptoms. What is the pain level? I dunno. 1? Wait JeffH says to add 2-3 points, so does that mean my pain is a 3? I wouldn't call this a 3. I just call it.....there. I'm aware of the discomfort. I can't attach a number to it. It's just a dull ache, and I think it's better to ask me if it it's better or worse. I explain that it comes and goes, sometimes bad but mostly just a discomfort. Did it hurt more when I was walking? I dunno, I ignore it and focus on walking. What does the Dr say about it? They don't know either. They aren't worried, so neither am I. Until it gets worse, I'll call it Very Unimportant to me. Although I'm Somewhat Dissatisfied with the lack of answers about it.

Geez I'm really bitching about this! lol. I'm just letting off steam.

Good news -- Some rehab patients do get to run in rehab! If I have a few good sessions I might could do the bike trainer and light swimming (but no bike commute it seems). The woman running the rehab is great and supportive and athletic, so she'll be good to work with.

Why did this bother me so much? I guess I don't like being questioned? I don't like the probing of my habits and choices? I don't like admitting that I have symptoms of depression (and going back to that, again, WHO WOULDN'T?!). I'm not sure why it irked me so much, these questions. The rehab itself seems like it will be great, so I'm going to put my focus there and away from these boilerplate forms that don't really apply to me.

OK i'm gonna stop now. haha, enough.