Patience Perseverance Perspective

Summary of 4th week from event, or 3 weeks after event, or however you choose to look at it.

This past Tuesday marked 3 weeks, my counter says 23 days, when I count the calendar I get 4 weeks. What-f'ing-ever. 

Hooo I'm not a great mood am I? Today is Thursday, I haven't been sleeping great, no appetite (I get hungry sometimes but don't feel like eating), I'm bored. 

And all day lots of chest.... pain? discomfort? sensation? You know that feeling you get after holding your breath, like your chest is cold and your heart bounding? That feeling.

I called the Dr office and left a message with this, noting that symptoms seem to worsen after I stand up and/or start walking. But the for the past hour it's been continuous. My HR at 60 ish, seated. Should be lower? Is this anxiety?

Monday in lab meeting after we switched rooms my symptoms shot up, and TM noticed that I wasn't OK. I said "it hurts" but didn't go further. And worked to hide it better. That night I started a rant text to TH and TB but didn't send it. Don't want to be a Symptom Sissy. A Negative Nan. A Debbie Downer. 

Wednesday TB called me, she said she learned Patience Perseverance and Perspective going through her schtuff. She's about 1-3 months ahead of me in mental recovery and her advice is so far my favorite. Only TB and TH let me rant without trying to fix me, they affirm and accept how I feel. No push back, no fixing, no "well you need to {insert crazy idea here}". 

Today I also contacted St Mary's medical records office to get the info started for the Mayo Clinic research study. I contacted BenG to get info, then emailed Dr Braverman to get that ball rolling. On Monday I see Dr Avery. 

In sum total, is all this causing my stress? The uncertainty? The wondering? The waiting? I don't feel overtly stressed, but it's gotta be there. 

What else is going on? Random: Sold a stack of history WW2 books yesterday. Might sell my dining room table and chairs tonight, if the neighbor shows up this time. SO build a third caterpillar cage for me Saturday. Currently listening to my favorite LOTR soundtrack mix to calm myself. However, in an anti-calming effort I'm trying to burn it to MP3 or AAC to listen offline.

Friday update. Sold the table! To a triathlete, who's from Iowa, who lives on Compton, who went to WashU. Realized on this morning's walk that the table has now gone from Wyoming to Compton to Wyoming and now back to Compton!