OK time for some SCAD thoughts, not just schedule reporting.

This will be random.

First off, I'm writing this on Sept 17th, two weeks post events. My symptoms are seemingly better? I still get chest pain but less frequent than last week. It's a tight feeling, less pain than pressure. I get sometimes a fluttery/cold feeling in my chest and throat. A few times I had throat pain and tightening but it was short-lived. The chest pressure feeling makes me catch my breath, I stop and think and wait and wonder.... but it goes away.

So I wonder, is it heart symptoms or anxiety? A Vanderbilt study reported that 46.5% of survivors experienced chest pain after a SCAD event. I'm guessing I'm one of them, and just rolling with it. Taking the advice of -- if it gets worse or radiates into the neck and/or arm then get worried. So far, not much of that.

And the "survivors" thing. When I look online I see women talking about being a "survivor". How the event changed and scared them. I don't connect with those feelings, they don't land with me. Yet? I don't feel like a survivor. I feel like, well of course I survived. Dad pointed out that maybe since I didn't have the full ambulance/resuscitation/dire emergency experience that it's not the same life-changing event for me? And in retrospect, I was never really afraid, never sitting in fear for my life. I remember being calm and just taking the days one at a time. So I survived, but I'm not calling myself a survivor.

People keep saying "I'm so glad you're alive" and again I think, well of course I am.


I found a necklace pendant that says "God gives us only what we can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a BAD-ASS".  lol Badass Bee.

I texted TH today about her coming to my Weds cardio appt. I'm really focused on this appt, listing and questioning and researching. So many questions. I mentioned to her that I can't distinguish chest pain from anxiety, and I don't trust myself to even try. Also mentioned that were I to have another attack, I don't trust myself to tell anyone else for fear that the rest of my athletic life would be taken away from me.