Farmdale 100 vs R2T100: Life is Hit and Miss

This is a natural thing for me, to compare to races like this. It's almost a pointless exercise really, but I do it all the same. So here goes a comparison of the experiences from Farmdale 10080 and R2T100.

One thing that really comes to mind is the motivation for doing R2T100 and the effect it had on my finish. I was all in for Farmdale 10080 but lost the mental battle somewhere around 80 miles. It's possible that if I didn't cross through the finish line every 7.25 miles and was instead stuck 20 miles away on a trail I would have covered the distance and finished.

But considering the hip pain I had at Farmdale 10080, maybe not. My leg really was dragging on the ground. Stupid leg.

It's what happened after Farmdale 10080 that motivated R2T100. First off, someone said something very unfortunate to me after Farmdale 10080. This person meant well, but it was a remarkably painful thing to say, it burned and hurt not unlike the hip -- acute and sharp. I brushed it off, ignored it, but it ate at me. BTW -- never say anything like that to someone who just missed a major goal.

Then in the days following, as I'm incubating on the idea of running R2T100, a race I found searching the web that same Farmdale 10080 Sunday, I hear for the first time an Oasis song, and Oasis is a favorite band of mine. It's not a new song, it's actually from 2010, but it's being re-released on a new album. One listen, and I'm in love with it. The lyrics spoke my language:

You're trying hard to put me in my place
And that is why I gotta keep running
The future is mine and it's no disgrace
Cos in the end the past means nothing

You tell me I'm free then you tie me down
And from my chains I think it's a pity
What did it cost you to wear my crown
You don't like me why don't you admit it

I feel a little down today
And I ain't got much to say
It's you're gonna miss me when I'm not there
You know I don't care, you know I don't care

As we beg and steal and borrow
Life is hit and miss and this
I hope, I think, I know
If I ever hear the names you call
And if I stumble catch me when I fall
Cos baby after all
You'll never forget my name
You'll never forget my name

It recalled those painful words I heard, it conjured images of running R2T100 as redemption, and spoke of a future that doesn't depend on the past. 

I emailed at least 3 other ultra runners familiar with the race, they encouraged me and provided advice. Talked to TV, TH, and RM -- my St Louis Hive -- and pretty much all warned me against running R2T100 on the basis of I could fail again. RM has the best argument against it, spoken as we walked our dogs. He pointed out that his injuries have prevented him from running since 4th of July weekend, what if my injuries became permanent? And what mental/emotional satisfaction was I trying to gain from all this? As I digested all these words of advice, I only convinced myself all the more that I needed a redemption, whether it was R2T100 or another race. I knew I needed this. 

Sadly, the same person mentioned above said more hurtful words as I announced that I registered for R2T100. It only added fuel to the fire. Now I not only had to prove to myself that I could finish this, it was like I had to prove it to them too.

You're trying hard to put me in my place...

So is that it in the end? Farmdale 10080 didn't have a song? In a way, yes. I just don't have the words to explain it better yet. Maybe I should bring this person along to all my races, to say things that piss me off! Nah.....

In the end, I did get my mental and emotional satisfaction. After Farmdale 10080 I kept wanting to run, now for the past 2 weeks the idea of running is out of the question. No urge. The pull of finishing is gone. The drive is put to rest. I did it. 

In the end though, really, Farmdale 10080 just wasn't my day and days like that will happen, there's no stopping that. But as it's said, it's not what happens but rather how you react to it. My reaction was to get back on and try again. (Would I have tried a 3rd time? Oh man I can't think about that!). I was knocked out of the saddle and I immediately climbed back on. That alone is a redemption, and I wonder too if I had failed at R2T100 if knowing that would have brought satisfaction? No way to know, thankfully!

Life is hit and miss and this
I hope, I think, I know