1384: that's a big fail too. Balrog 6 years.

RC with FB for dinner last night. All I can say is, nothing changes unless something changes. 
Well, 1384 is a change. In the WRONG direction. 

OK so I'm coming back to edit and add. 
I had my first VUMC PCP appt today, hence the weight. I was certain it would be 140+. I'm "thankful"? 

I can find every excuse to NOT make the change. The moon phase. An anniversary. If I'm into annis and phases - this week has a new supermoon and all the Balrog (TODAY 6 years)/BLE, etc annis. 

I'm back to walking every morning on the ankle, ready to run? It's been damned near if not a month. 

M1 and M2 at work are great. M3 and weekends are horrid. It's being home that does it. Bored. Anxious.

A podcast about this last weekend suggested that living in the future (which I do, always looking to what I have to do or can eat next) is part of the food noise. 

Be where your feet are, was the advice. 

My feet often in Moria :(

 

2000. 1000. 500. 1.

I was reviewing 2024 and 2019. It seems that 500 days M was also Day 1 of BLE. 
Today is (almost) 1000 days 1, 500 days BLE. And let's make it day 1 of M3 fix. 

The 2000 - is me and LA. 

M3 fix is really all of the last of M. Standing, randoming, RC and FB. I need free and clear of the baggage, both emotional and physical. It's all the goals I've been wanting to fix. Sit, eat, enjoy, and don't be stupid. 

I want my clothes to fit again. I want my life back. I want this DONE. 

Fail. Fail. Fail, etc, etc, etc. 2000 days. 30 days. Almost 5 years. People around me sick, I want them to change. But I need to change.

I put it all in the title!

Today is 2000 days since Spaceballs. This week and a few days later is 500 days no S no F; 1000 days no M. 5 years no B. 

And 30 days since the firsts of May when I set the goal of scrubs. And fail. If anything, getting worse. 

Mom is sick, aging and stress and diet/sleep/exercise.
Lev was sick again, a week ago throwing up and last night to the ER with chest pain. 

I look to them and think of changes they could make. I need to look in the mirror and focus on my changes. 

Full Fail Weekend; Flower Full Moon

Still nothing much. Still lots of ankle and wrist pain. We walked Saturday in the Peebles park or whatever it's called. Failed all weekend. But didn't try either. 

This morning (overnight) a full moon. Begin again. As always.

The upcoming PCP appointment in about 2 weeks is weighing on my mind. No pun intended. 

Failed yesterday. What do I need to do differently!?

Still nothing for workouts. This needs some explaining, below. I'm able to walk on the ankle much more, yesterday I walked the dog up the hill and back, first time since the injury last Monday. Good there. I'm being diligent about wrist care, deviating and positioning, gooder there too. 

I was going to go home this weekend, but events conspire against me. RVLC has a 3pm blood that would keep me until 6pm. Home by 7pm, I'm already packed but load the car and leave and arrive by 1-2am. No Bueno. 

LA is struggling these last few days, and he's been saying "I won't keep you from going", but this morning he quietly asked me to stay. 

And just minutes ago, RVLC came 2 hours early. Up until LA saying that, I'd held the view that if the sample came early enough I'd be able to leave. And here I am, unable to leave. 

It sets off a feeling of wanting to cry. 

------

I failed twice this week - during the Tuesday WFH day and yesterday (Thursday) after no-good-reason other than SHITTY HABITS. Standing at the counter for M1 both days, phone in hand. Off plan and random. Yesterday again at the counter with my pre-plated, but standing with phone and adding off plan. I ended up with a CO meal today! 

Dinner as planned is so unsatisfying and it's occurred to me this morning that I could also do a lunch-like prepack of the big grain/veg thing I've been making. And that's my dinner meal. The new non-dairy protein powder is planned for lunch. On monday, without other plans, I had to do a tuna can, cheddar chunk, apply brekkie that totally worked for hours. Why not that as a meal?!? 

Why not CHANGE M3 to a casserole/bucket meal instead of a meal that just sucks of chicken, pile of cold veg, etc? 

-----

What do I need to change to get more done? I did Brenda's time analysis yesterday and was shocked to think that my workday could be more productive? I say the same for my homeday. 

Think on this. 

Adjust the 75Hard until healed

Why are my days such a struggle? Why do my mornings run late, short on getting stuff done? Why do evenings ...well..., I KNOW the answer to that one. 

75Hard for now
45' 2nd workout is 15' art, 15' russian, 15' art

45' 1st workout is _______

Photo

Read

Drink

Plan = BLE as preplanned

Cheat = none of anything I've said no to. RC, FB, iphone, prot powder, mug meals, standing, daily goals, etc.

Think today on the workout. Core. Upper with wrist support.

Two weeks no RC FB; 75 fail yesterday. Aggravated ankle yesterday

NOTHING totally NOTHING.

Between my right ankle and right wrist, I have all the excuses I need.

Did a much-needed WFH. Around 3pm I had 1800 steps and just as many calories. :(

Just a fail of a day for the 75. No Russian, no exercise, no stained glass, no meal prep, no following the plan. Start the fuck over.