Almost a month out of surgery

We’re still with the kids here in Michigan, it’s a great distraction from my ankle recovery, the habit changes, the stress of having a messy house, and the fact that I can’t walk or drive or run or nothing.

On that, I’ve been doing nothing. My Garmin celebrates my 2000-some steps a day. I’m supposed to be using crutches still, I think by now 70-80% of body weight with one crutch. I’m not really doing that. If I go outside (seldom) I use the crutches. If I’m in the house, I only use them 25% of the time. Aurora keeps reminding me, and I do mean to set a good example for Slava by using them. It aches and hurts, is that good or bad or OK or worrisome? I dunno. It’s never enough that I want pain killers. But sometimes I get a burning feeling across the top of my foot, not where the repairs were made. And I wonder what it means, if it means anything. Am I delaying my recovery?

My right calf is rapidly losing muscle and looks weak. My foot is still swollen (only in the last day or two has the puffy swelling gone down) and bruised. It barely moves, it’s stiff and painful to move. I can put weight on it carefully, but I can’t put any motion into it. This is worrisome to me, I wonder how long it will take to recover full ROM and strength. But I have almost another whole month before the walking boot comes off. I will continue to lose muscle? The light movements the surgeon has me doing is making ZERO progress in improving ROM and certainly won’t build strength. Maybe this is why he told me, that I wouldn’t be running for another few months, and that I had a LOT of physical therapy to do. Ugh.

In the meantime,

New Moon with solar eclipse, two weeks post surgery, keto

 

Lots to cover here, it’s been awhile since I’ve updated. Since the surgery, we spent most of the time in Soulard with kids here on the weekends. This past Sunday after dropping off the kids we drove to Michigan, and today we drive back. I check out of the Soulard place by 11am tomorrow, hope to get to work a little while to check in, then a follow-up with the surgeon and hopefully no more crutches, then finally drive to St James to stay at the camper a few days (instead of a hotel).

Lev was supposed to have military duty this weekend, but now something changed and he doesn’t, hence the stay at the camper and not FLW.

How is recovery? Frustrating, back and forth, but working. The major pains I felt in the first week are gone, I no longer stand up to what feels like a rush of blood trying to blow up my foot. The pains now (that kept me up last night until 1am or so) is a super sharp cutting/burning feeling over the lateral ankle bone. I’ll find out tomorrow if there’s an incision site there. The pain burns up into my calf, it comes and goes at random, and kept waking me up. It was enough to turn my stomach, cause anxiety and worry, and stress me out. I got near tears when I couldn’t sleep for hours. Finally after LA came to bed and I took two Benadryl I fell asleep.

I can see purpling on the top of my foot that spread into a few toes, and the top of my foot feels swollen and painful to touch. My toes work fine, they are tight but it doesn’t hurt much to move. My right knee is now a poppying/crackling mess, either from the scooter use and/or kneeling to crawl sometimes. When I bend it, it makes a mildly painful rolling cracking feeling and noise. Ugh, this causes more anxiety, what if it doesn’t go away? Last night, I wondered if it would crack when I ran?

Running and biking seems like another life right now, but everyday it gets closer to me.

I’ve managed to stay as active as possible with crutches and a scooter. I terribly miss just going for a walk, I’ve only seen my new neighborhood 2-3 houses on each side with the scooter. No strength training, my planks are non-existent so I get to work back up to 2 minutes. Happily I don’t seem to have gained “recovery weight” sitting around so much.

With the lack of stress – no moving, no house to sell, no upcoming surgery – my mind is much clearer. I had started a few blog posts over the past two weeks with no motivation to continue. Or much computer access, since I’m not at work. (I think about buying a chromebook like the kids have, since Mom’s laptop seems at death’s door with the battery and lack of updateability for the browsers). (wow, updateability is a word, no angry red squiggle?). Since about March my anxiety and stress were high, with thing after thing after thing piling up on me. Now….calmer, but still out of sorts being on crutches and being out of habits everywhere.

LA yesterday asked about keto diet, and he’s trying it. I miss that!! It felt so great on my gut, so maybe I’ll get back to it too. Or at least low carb to minimize the gut pains. I’m eating apples now!!! First since 2014! Some gut upset with them still, but not terrible. In the spirit of keto, this morning I cooked a few pounds of pork and beef steaks. I looked over my notes from Dec 2017 when I went whole-hog keto with only 4-12 g carbs a day. Eggs, cheese, butter, cream cheese. Ugh, can’t do that anymore! True keto would be a challenge for me, not sure I need that challenge right now.

The new moon was this morning at 5:54 am, and there was a solar eclipse but not visible where we are. We were so close maybe could see a little bit, but I didn’t look either since I don’t read the news, I only learned about it afterwards.

I always start new habits on the moon, last full moon was pre-surgery and I stopped M. Still stopped!! But still the urge, but now I recognize it and walk away. Almond flour had to be thrown away, and then coconut flour. I have a bag of stevia powder that needs to go as well. And a few sticks of fake butter. I’m still doing the AIP with the only mistake being the almond flour (the first bite I expected coconut flour, but the mistake/sin came from going back to the bag after knowing what it was). I’m feeling great, much less stomach issue, but too soon to tell about nerve issues? My face still twitches and jump like before. Well, as for new habits, I’d like to sit down to real food, template, plated meals. No standing, snacking, and “little bowl bounces”. That will help my gut too – prevent too full feeling, chew the food, and put gaps between the meals. M1 today was great, M2 was standing/nomming/not hungry.

Yesterday I randomed across the BJC ER notes about my visit two weeks ago. It was a long report, worth reading again, and included multiple doctor notes. I caused some mental worry – I keep seeing how I’m “an elite athlete” and “athletic” and etc and yet I’m this injured thing instead. The juxtaposition of Athlete with Potential Demyelination Disorder stuck in my head. It’s the same mental anxiety I get when you see a diagnosis of ??Idiopathic?? in your notes and the worry and the wonder set in. That’s also what kept me up last night, what makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong, or like it’s all in my head and not real. At least I can talk to LA about this, even if he doesn’t understand it.

AIP start, Eclipse, M, Surgery Tomorrow

Today I start AIP, as best I can with a few unknowns (like I need to look up coffee...nope) and trying to get out of the M habit. Last night cocoflour with sweet potato and molasses. Prior night cassaflour with ghee. 

I didn't even enjoy it. 

I woke up at 5am to see if I could find the moon, full and in partial eclipse. It was setting around 5:30-5:45am, and Soulard is trees and houses. I walked to I-55, found the Syndey overpass, but either the other buildings or the light clouds had it covered. Wonderful walk, so quiet calm and warm. 

My surgery is tomorrow. I thought I'd have a lot more to say right now, but at the moment I'm kinda dead-head. I'm hesitant to have the surgery (I'm walking OK) but I have a lot of clicks and sticks, minor pains and aches, they're only going to get worse. I'm walking all I can today. Next I walk to the library and maybe Whole Foods, so I can rebuy the foods I bought last week for M. Are they safe to buy? I dunno, I'm still thinking about it. 

I'll be back after surgery!

AIP research; M fail

Yesterday I met EW and BE in the morning at the 6am run, saw them before and after their run. Ugh, it was hard, it felt like I was saying a sort of goodbye-but-not-really and I miss them!

I also haven't reconnected with other friends from STL yet, and the thought crosses my mind everyday. TH, TB, TV, LC, others. I know they're just a text away, but I feel like I'm ........   wrong somehow.....I'm not sure how to explain it. I feel like I'm always the one needing help or asking for something, and to call them up and say "hey I'm going into surgery" and "hey I'm leaving STL" just seems like yet another "well TJ needs something" or "TJ got injured again" or "TJ can't take care of herself". So instead I just don't reach out at all? 

I researched more AIP, and started the slide into it. I made a list of things I regularly eat and some replacement ideas. I'm still eating: eggs, coffee, tomato, rice, (oats already out), mustard, pepper, ketchup, raspberry dressing, ghee,and veg oils.

I've purchased cassava flour, coconut butter, blackstrap molasses, coconut flour, palm oil (and JUST GUESS what I did with it at first). That takes care of carbs and oils. I bought beef and chicken last night for the eggs. I'm doing tea and fruit-sparking water for coffee. I'm doing cucumbers for tomatoes and peppers on salads. GHEE? I thought that would be OK so I'm not sure on that one. 

Things I need to try: apples and sweet potatoes. The apples can stand in for honey and maple syrup in recipes. The sweet potatoes  can replace the oats and rice. 

One thing that will make life difficult is the no-processed-food-chemical rule -- citric acid, colors and flavors, spices, gums and thickeners, etc. This will really limit my shopping, how seriously to take this? 

And on that thought, what is going to by my metric of success? At first, my primary goal is to get through the surgery with low inflammation and fast healing. After that, the neuro symptoms. But they are come and go, I need to think more on this.  

So. When to start? Well we have the kids this weekend, and it's hard challenging to do then because LA likes to eat out, and eating out will be a challenge with this. I'm not going cold turkey, I just need to make this weekend work. 

But finishing the thought, there's an partial lunar eclipse next Tuesday the 26th at...starts at 3:47am and maxes out at 5:42am then falls off at the horizon. 

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Yesterday in Aldi I skipped the RC- so happy with myself. But on the way out got the Chex. And new as soon as I had it, that I should put it back. Thought about it, but thought the kids and the dog could enjoy too. FAIL. So bag is gone, and so is the AirBNB bag of azuc that shared with the chex. 

Again. Time back to zero. 

No more neurology for now, but what about AIP?

NOTHING GAWD I HATE THIS

Well I could include the 5 minutes of planks work I've been doing in the morning. Does that count? 

My headache, strong fatigue, and total braindeadedness are much better. Stopping caffeine had a role in that, I doubted that I was getting any benefit from caffeine since I never felt a perk from it. But I will throw it in the ring as a contributor to my anxiety and nerves, and in the ring as a contributor to the weekends mental and energy failures.

That's not to say I feel normal yet. Still a mild headache, still a flat mood, still no strong emotions of happy or anything. Even when LA is here (he's driven back from FLW twice!) I feel the same disconnection to him as I do to my current life. It's frustrating - to know that I'm feeling flat and to know it's not right, yet to still feel it. 

The neurological follow up was today. LA wanted more details on the future plan and what-next. I really didn't care. So when he asked what I was interested in knowing (LA typed a message in MyChart) I admitted that I'm in a sort of denial about this. There were no strong findings on the MRI, so no solid direction in which to go next. A spinal tap would be indicated based on MRI findings, that's something LA was interested in knowing about. 

The plan in the end - no plan. I could get more tests, but the balance of a low-yield test vs cost and stress and risk vs benefit -- in my mind let's just wait. Not just because I don't want more tests, but just because I've got enough else going on, and I'm moving away, and there's just nothing specific to go after right now. 

So the plan is to find a neuromuscular specialist in AA, and go from there. I told this to LA, and he suggested CIDP or AIDP or Lyme or Gullian Barre - I think they are mixed up as I typed them. One is acute inflammatory demyelinating polyradiculoneuropathy or chroic IDP - the same kinda says it all. Weakness, numbness, etc. I don't really see myself as having these when I read the symptoms. 

Speaking of which, what are my current symptoms - just as an update? The left side of my face feels odd, like it's bulging out or sagging. The headache I've had seems to be around a clenched-jaw feeling, like I'm clenching my jaw but I never actually catch myself doing it. The pain/clench feeling is in the upper jaw, but on both sides. The other day while where looser soft pants I felt "something" against the anterior left calf, but nothing was there. This lasted the two days I wore the pants. The "something" is an altered sensation against the skin. Numbness? Not sure. Other than  that, no other symptoms I've noted. 

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The Whole30 continues. Last night we went for sushi and I declined, with the recent painfulness so fresh in memory. I'm on track, but not doing "template" and still doing condiments of ketchup, honey mustard, and raspberry vinaigrette. I don't react to them, they work, but I'm using too much and that's the catch. So use 'em up and stop for a bit. 

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LA replied to my summary of the neuro follow up with the above neuro terms, which are autoimmune conditions. This immediately reminded me of the AIP diet. I've looked at it over and over for years, it's right there with Whole30 in most books. It's a branch out of the Paleo diet, and I've been reading on that since 2009. I reviewed the diet, and yes, I'm super close to being on it. I've already stopped dairy, cocoa, legumes, and for the most part nuts and alcohol. The Whole30 I started reduced oats and rice and fake sugars, (excepting said condiments). The foods I'd need to remove include: eggs (!), tomatoes, the condiments, pistachios, mustard, and peppers. Reduce coffee, tea is OK.  That's it!! But EGGS?!?!?!?!?!? Ugh. Oh, and rice and oats for sure. 

So I reserved some library books, read some info, need to read a lot more. Improved sleep and reduced stress and low-medium exercise are also on the AIP plan, same as on the Whole30 and Paleo. What to do?!  AIP is temporary, like Whole30 it requires reintroduction. 

What can I add with this? I should start thinking about adding things back. Apples. Sweet potatoes. Cassava flour. I learned that new-to-me Tigernut flour should be OK. Blackstrap molasses. 

So as always, I set out a remove/replace plan:

REMOVE        REPLACE WITH
Eggs                 Beef and fish
Mustard            ??
Tomatoes         I'll be OK here without, roma and salsa and tomato paste I can wait
Oats                 Remove anyway, tigernut flour stuff?
Rice                 See above
Peppers            I'll be OK here, I just munch the mini peppers right now
Coffee              Reduced anyway
All nuts            Already reduced
Indicated Spices     Already not using spices much

Plan -- look at some recipes and start seeing if the swaps work for me. 

Up and Down. Pass and Fail. Restart. Again.

Wednesday night we drove up to my parents to weigh the trailer.

Thursday midday we drove back afterwards. Then sushi, and I wasn't feeling good before sushi and I certainly felt worse after. I ordered the "spicy tuna" for the first time, and it had tempura on the top. I removed the top, ate what looked like a clean bottom of just rice, but who knows if I exposed to something else in doing so. 

Friday I committed to W30 again. For me it's less the elimination and more the absolute "no" of it. Friday night breakfast was too much veg and butternut and fruit, and dinner was oats and ketchup and shrimp and veg and raspberry dressing ice-cream randomness. Really felt sick. 

Saturday I was still feeling sick from it all when I decided a veg then fruit then M of aven, azuc, ghee would be a good idea. Super sick. As in - back to bed horrified to meditate until I felt better. I drove out to FLW to see LA barely functioning. 

Sunday turned in to at 21hr IF. One the way home from FLW I literally picked up oats at the $ store and put them back, picked up the other oats at $ store and put them back, picked up oats at Aldi and put them back, touched oats at Vincent's and walked away. Later on wanted a piece of caramel candy. Had rice with dinner, too much maybe, but planned and part of dinner and OK. Wanted the almond ice cream later. 

Monday, today, all is good so far. Actually packed a lunch! Breakfast was too big again, still nom'ming too much, but so far so good. 

What a ride. 

Last night - Nothing changed, so, nothing changed

 19IF day, all a bunch of CO from yesterday and day before, all great. 

Home with plan that I never looked at again. Was on the phone, stressed, but not rushed, and lost it all.

Aven is now gone, BS now gone, MS and Jell thrown out. 

Nothing will change, if Nothing is changed.