COMMUTE 2 miles, again from FoPa
Last night a neighbor offered crutches, but they were bent at the bottoms. Another neighbor offered some I could borrow, as they cost $200 to buy. Geezus fucking christ I could have this problem FIXED by now by going to walmart but oh fucking no I've got to drag this out. Ugh. I'm borrowing the expensive crutches later today. Coworker AH suggested we gold plate them and bedazzle them and pimp them up.
I'm still in a bit of sour mood about this. At least the pain is much better. I drove in and rode Puppy up from FoPa. If I can walk around the house without crutches (as per Dr L), then I can ride Puppy for the 1 mile each way? Or is that a loophole?
Last night met up with LA at the Global store. He asked me if he seemed depressed. I had no way to know, as I don't know him much "before". But it's a question I'll be asking myself - do I seem depressed?
-----
Two years since the left hip repair, and now today I'll dedicate to the right side repair. Two years ago I made myself a bunch of promises of change and improvement, some I've succeeded on and others wax and wane. Why not dedicate again?
Over the weekend I found a chyrsalis outside on a pot. I've got all my indoor ones (so far 3 failed chrysalis, as 2 butterflies with wings that didn't inflate and 1 chyrsalis that never opened) but this one outside I left alone as per SO suggestion. This morning, I found it GONE! No butterfly found, so I can only hope for the best, and I wonder sometimes if things are just better left alone without me meddling.
Yet I'm determined to get a butterfly launched this fall. I have I think 5-6 chrysalides in the house. One cat hung in J last night but was oozing fluid this morning. I have about 6 more cats to go, and 2 of them are hatchlings from eggs.
Determined to succeed. In many ways.
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
Tuesday, September 10, 2019
If Dr L says so, then so it is
COMMUTE 2 miles from Fo Pa
OK so yesterday the stress-fractured bone hurt. The most pain since the Badger, a hot sizzling burn under the buttock. What a great place to have an injury.
This was the first time that Dr L's asst Matt came in and did a pre-interview and lumbar measurement. In my head I'd played this conversation going with Dr L, so this was a great interrupt to that mental script.
Then Dr L, and there was a few major points. As always, I wished for a recording so I could get all the details and nuances. Paraphrased:
1 - "you need crutches, 2 weeks maybe 4". Well I expected this.
2 - "breaking a pelvic bone is like breaking the hammer when you hit a nail". oof. I am to distinguish myself.
3 - "there's probably another reason this happened". He said I should look into the side effects of my meds (I looked, some research suggests statins help improve bone density). He's previously encouraged me to supplement my diet to be sure I was getting enough of everything.
So I don't have my crutches, mom does. I put out a few feelers with some neighbors and found a few leads. I can also buy another pair from Walmart for about $35.
And even though I swore that if Dr L says to use crutches, then I'd be on crutches like religion. Yet here I'm resisting and finding excuses. How will I walk the dog? What about work? Will I drive to work, and where will I park? How to carry my lunch on Wed to lunch with TV? Groceries? Going out the back to get leaves for my caterpillars? How do I explain this to people, at work, friends? To SO, who has NOT A SINGLE MOLECULE of idea about this, he would only turn it back on me and put the blame right where it belongs.
And thusly, my real problem revealed.
I met LA for dinner in UCity last night. As my usual, I didn't eat as I'd already eaten and I'd already eaten too much. I did try a sip of the coffee (yuck, still don't like it) and finally took some plain rice and he insisted I pick an ice cream from the cookie shop. Mmmm butter pecan. But uuuuuughhhhh my stomach the next 24 hours. At one point, unintentionally, he said something like "you need to eat more so your bones don't break" and I about cried.
OK so yesterday the stress-fractured bone hurt. The most pain since the Badger, a hot sizzling burn under the buttock. What a great place to have an injury.
This was the first time that Dr L's asst Matt came in and did a pre-interview and lumbar measurement. In my head I'd played this conversation going with Dr L, so this was a great interrupt to that mental script.
Then Dr L, and there was a few major points. As always, I wished for a recording so I could get all the details and nuances. Paraphrased:
1 - "you need crutches, 2 weeks maybe 4". Well I expected this.
2 - "breaking a pelvic bone is like breaking the hammer when you hit a nail". oof. I am to distinguish myself.
3 - "there's probably another reason this happened". He said I should look into the side effects of my meds (I looked, some research suggests statins help improve bone density). He's previously encouraged me to supplement my diet to be sure I was getting enough of everything.
So I don't have my crutches, mom does. I put out a few feelers with some neighbors and found a few leads. I can also buy another pair from Walmart for about $35.
And even though I swore that if Dr L says to use crutches, then I'd be on crutches like religion. Yet here I'm resisting and finding excuses. How will I walk the dog? What about work? Will I drive to work, and where will I park? How to carry my lunch on Wed to lunch with TV? Groceries? Going out the back to get leaves for my caterpillars? How do I explain this to people, at work, friends? To SO, who has NOT A SINGLE MOLECULE of idea about this, he would only turn it back on me and put the blame right where it belongs.
And thusly, my real problem revealed.
I met LA for dinner in UCity last night. As my usual, I didn't eat as I'd already eaten and I'd already eaten too much. I did try a sip of the coffee (yuck, still don't like it) and finally took some plain rice and he insisted I pick an ice cream from the cookie shop. Mmmm butter pecan. But uuuuuughhhhh my stomach the next 24 hours. At one point, unintentionally, he said something like "you need to eat more so your bones don't break" and I about cried.
Monday, September 9, 2019
The pubic bone is the sit bone? What does this mean for cycling?!
BIKE 20 miles in about 75 mins, 3x TGP: 18:23, 16:50, 16:25
COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Sunrise is now 6:33am or so, meaning the first half of our ride was dark. Hence a slow first loop. BE talked about his DVD binge-watching weekend, which included the 5th terminator movie (there's 5 of these movies?) and after that random talk. My energy is still relatively low. I didn't feel like riding all weekend, just didn't have the mental or physical oomph for it. Usually I'm pretty charged on Monday if I take Sunday off, and there wasn't much charge today.
The pubic bone stress fracture aches and especially so after the ride. So once at work, I look up the sit bones. Sure enough, I sit on this bone when I ride! At least, that's how I read it. Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr L and I intend to get answers on this. Biking, and the crutches.
The lower quadrant abdominal injury still there, if I tweak it by twisting or pulling forward on a slow dog it sets if off. I still think this is a separate injury from the stress fracture.
Ugh, just sitting here it hurts, a burning ache. The rest of my right hip still hurts, down in the quads. My lower back is tired (from what?!) and threatens to spasm on me.
Broken. Fucking hell. This just fucks with my brain, I just spin and spin and nothing.
COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Sunrise is now 6:33am or so, meaning the first half of our ride was dark. Hence a slow first loop. BE talked about his DVD binge-watching weekend, which included the 5th terminator movie (there's 5 of these movies?) and after that random talk. My energy is still relatively low. I didn't feel like riding all weekend, just didn't have the mental or physical oomph for it. Usually I'm pretty charged on Monday if I take Sunday off, and there wasn't much charge today.
The pubic bone stress fracture aches and especially so after the ride. So once at work, I look up the sit bones. Sure enough, I sit on this bone when I ride! At least, that's how I read it. Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr L and I intend to get answers on this. Biking, and the crutches.
The lower quadrant abdominal injury still there, if I tweak it by twisting or pulling forward on a slow dog it sets if off. I still think this is a separate injury from the stress fracture.
Ugh, just sitting here it hurts, a burning ache. The rest of my right hip still hurts, down in the quads. My lower back is tired (from what?!) and threatens to spasm on me.
Broken. Fucking hell. This just fucks with my brain, I just spin and spin and nothing.
Sunday, September 8, 2019
New Blerch-not-a-Blerch weekend
NOTHING
Ugh. Nothing. It hurts. In every way. There's a quote in my previous bullet journal about how it hurts to continue but even moreso to stop, something along those lines.
That's where I am now. I'm stopped, and I hurt even more. Poor me
Woke up Saturday with not much to do, but plans for a bike ride with LA. This morphed into a trip to get his motorcycle, and in the end the better option. Why am I so tired? Maybe the steak dinner will help.
Sunday woke up to rain, and no motorcycle ride to the German town as planned. Maybe later. So I worked with my caterpillars most of the morning and enjoyed the rain and thunder. This all ended around noon, I had my meal prep all done for the week and then....not much to do. I'm so lame.
The pubic bone aches, and now that I have a visual of what is injured it's easy to pinpoint the point. It's a sharp ache, exacerbated by a short run up onto a curb or jog across a lane of traffic. But it also hurts when laid down and sitting. Like it does now.
NUMERICS 2:47 hours, not including bike commute time
BIKE 40.1 miles
RUN 1.75 miles (bye bye run, for about 6-10 weeks)
COMMUTE 41.4 miles
Ugh. Nothing. It hurts. In every way. There's a quote in my previous bullet journal about how it hurts to continue but even moreso to stop, something along those lines.
That's where I am now. I'm stopped, and I hurt even more. Poor me
Woke up Saturday with not much to do, but plans for a bike ride with LA. This morphed into a trip to get his motorcycle, and in the end the better option. Why am I so tired? Maybe the steak dinner will help.
Sunday woke up to rain, and no motorcycle ride to the German town as planned. Maybe later. So I worked with my caterpillars most of the morning and enjoyed the rain and thunder. This all ended around noon, I had my meal prep all done for the week and then....not much to do. I'm so lame.
The pubic bone aches, and now that I have a visual of what is injured it's easy to pinpoint the point. It's a sharp ache, exacerbated by a short run up onto a curb or jog across a lane of traffic. But it also hurts when laid down and sitting. Like it does now.
NUMERICS 2:47 hours, not including bike commute time
BIKE 40.1 miles
RUN 1.75 miles (bye bye run, for about 6-10 weeks)
COMMUTE 41.4 miles
Friday, September 6, 2019
My phone died, might find a life without it
BIKE 20 miles in 1:15, 3x TGP solo
#1 16:18
#2 16:09
#3 16:08
WHOOOOOO more fast times like on Wednesday. But today I could really feel the fatigue. My quads weren't up to the effort, and I felt like a slug. Yet my times say otherwise. Rode with my old phone, more on that story below, and got to listen to my old music from 2017. Was that a depressing year or something?
Perfect morning ride, clear warm and sunny. Even the dog walkers were mindful today, especially those two male twats who walk the 4 dogs on those long leashes.
-----
So late at work yesterday my phone took a dive and quit working. Now the screen was all random-shit, it said it was over-heated and needed to cool. Ugh. Rode home without music, not as bad as expected, and laid out a plan to visit the ATT store on Grand. They said I had a $125 early termination fee (da fuq?) then sent me to the Apple store. Apple said it's not their phone or their problem, so back home again with a malfunctioning fun. I pulled out my old 5 and charged it, moved the SIM card and have it working. Before I could get all this done though, the malfunctioning phone was calling people, taking pictures, opening and closing apps, typing on the calculator, like it was haunted. Argh.
Although at one point after leaving the Apple store LA sent the laugh I needed to destress. My phone was sending out "I'm having a stroke" messages and he replied with the facepalm emoji. LOL!
Once the old 5 powered up, I was able to guess my 6 digit passcode in only 2 tries. It's a variant of my current passcode, and shows me that my line of thinking 2 years ago hasn't changed. Nor have I reached the goal embedded in that number. My app layout is the same, but a few apps have changed. Wow, nothing changed since Feb 2018 when the newer phone went active? Am I that consistent? Or that lame?
So now the plan is to squeak by on the 5 until I can buy a new 5SE at Apple, then take that to the ATT store to get it online.
But I'm not in a rush! Last night I was unable to surf and work with the phone, and I kinda liked it....
-----
The orthopedic Dr replied that "lack of pain means healing" so I still don't have an answer to whether the crutches will expedite healing. I guess that is an answer, if I'd just quit denying it. But I keep coming back to the question -- what is pain. Because I'm sitting here with pain, does that mean I shouldn't be sitting?
-----
My butterfly yesterday didn't die sadly, she's still alive at the base of the milkweed. Wings still un-inflated. I couldn't bring myself to kill her. How do you humanely kill a butterfly?
But today another chrysalis is ready to eclose, and I hung it outside since I wouldn't be at home to watch and release. I might miss the entire thing, and it might be gone by the time I return. But that's a success! I'll take it.
-----
Been working on this for years, if the caterpillar can change so can I.
#1 16:18
#2 16:09
#3 16:08
WHOOOOOO more fast times like on Wednesday. But today I could really feel the fatigue. My quads weren't up to the effort, and I felt like a slug. Yet my times say otherwise. Rode with my old phone, more on that story below, and got to listen to my old music from 2017. Was that a depressing year or something?
Perfect morning ride, clear warm and sunny. Even the dog walkers were mindful today, especially those two male twats who walk the 4 dogs on those long leashes.
-----
So late at work yesterday my phone took a dive and quit working. Now the screen was all random-shit, it said it was over-heated and needed to cool. Ugh. Rode home without music, not as bad as expected, and laid out a plan to visit the ATT store on Grand. They said I had a $125 early termination fee (da fuq?) then sent me to the Apple store. Apple said it's not their phone or their problem, so back home again with a malfunctioning fun. I pulled out my old 5 and charged it, moved the SIM card and have it working. Before I could get all this done though, the malfunctioning phone was calling people, taking pictures, opening and closing apps, typing on the calculator, like it was haunted. Argh.
Although at one point after leaving the Apple store LA sent the laugh I needed to destress. My phone was sending out "I'm having a stroke" messages and he replied with the facepalm emoji. LOL!
Once the old 5 powered up, I was able to guess my 6 digit passcode in only 2 tries. It's a variant of my current passcode, and shows me that my line of thinking 2 years ago hasn't changed. Nor have I reached the goal embedded in that number. My app layout is the same, but a few apps have changed. Wow, nothing changed since Feb 2018 when the newer phone went active? Am I that consistent? Or that lame?
So now the plan is to squeak by on the 5 until I can buy a new 5SE at Apple, then take that to the ATT store to get it online.
But I'm not in a rush! Last night I was unable to surf and work with the phone, and I kinda liked it....
-----
The orthopedic Dr replied that "lack of pain means healing" so I still don't have an answer to whether the crutches will expedite healing. I guess that is an answer, if I'd just quit denying it. But I keep coming back to the question -- what is pain. Because I'm sitting here with pain, does that mean I shouldn't be sitting?
-----
My butterfly yesterday didn't die sadly, she's still alive at the base of the milkweed. Wings still un-inflated. I couldn't bring myself to kill her. How do you humanely kill a butterfly?
But today another chrysalis is ready to eclose, and I hung it outside since I wouldn't be at home to watch and release. I might miss the entire thing, and it might be gone by the time I return. But that's a success! I'll take it.
-----
Been working on this for years, if the caterpillar can change so can I.
Thursday, September 5, 2019
Tacos, Chrysalis, No Thursday Run
COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Sitting here typing this up, listening to Schism yet again.
Yesterday I got an email from BRR advertising a Running + Tacos event, I forwarded to LA as a follow-up joke, and he got tacos in his head. Pulled me out to the place near him at 815pm - late for me!
Got home and found my almost-lost-to-garbage chrysalis was changing color - the pigmentation of the butterfly was increasing and becoming visible! YAY! So while I nom'd my just-purchased instant taters and butter spread (ugh) while I worked to configure a safe place for it to emerge, which was expected sometime in the next 24 hours. I put her in a large bowl with a cover, hung the chyrsalis on a stick on the side. Then to bed. Too full of taters (ugh). But NO M and that's a WIN.
Slept in until almost 7, having woken a few times for the dog. I went downstairs for tea and brekkie, got chatting with LA on text, went back upstairs and found my butterfly - pretty girl - had hatched! I was eating and missed it (ugh). She was on her back, I tipped the paper towel to roll her over, and went downstairs to take her outside. She never really seemed to thrive, didn't grab on to hang on the towel, a stick, or a screen. Small droplets of green-tinged fluid was leaking out under her wings, at her 'shoulders', I'm thinking this is what is supposed to inflate her wings!? After an hour she didn't improve - clumsy, non-grasping, and no wing inflaction. I left her on the screen, on a big milkweed in the sun. She fell off once, picked her back up, but left her for the day without much hope for her survival.
I just learned that they don't hatch, they eclose. I did not however find out what happened in the end with the green fluid. I also learned they eclose in the daylight, often morning!
In good news though, a had another cat go into J last night, then pupate this morning. And 5 of my 6 eggs have hatched!
No Thursday run today. First of many more to come. No answer yet from the Orthopedics doc regarding my questions about the 'usefulness' of crutches - are they for healing or for pain? Waiting on that. I have lots of pain when you loosen the definition of pain to "any sensation of discomfort". I can deal with lots of pain, but don't consider painful discomfort as really "pain". Pain to me is like what stops you from doing something. Like a 100K......the one I walked most of.... hmm. lol.
Looked into the injury more, defining the terms. As I understand it, the stress fracture is on the right pubic bone, is parasymphyeal (meaning it's para/near the symphyseal site, which is the cartilage area between the right and left pubic bones), and it's described by the radiologist as a non-displaced fracture. Looking at the anatomy images, that right where my pain is. I'd been calling it an adductor injury.
I have an odd sort of pride in having this stress fracture -- in that it's a rare one that occurs in long distance runners and triathletes. It means I'm a long distance runner! HA!
Lastly, my mind keeps wandering to one year ago today. Still in hospital, 2nd PCI cancelled, family here visiting, lots of questions. And I can't help but see parallels between my butterflies and last year. My changes, transformations, etc, like the caterpillars.
Sitting here typing this up, listening to Schism yet again.
Yesterday I got an email from BRR advertising a Running + Tacos event, I forwarded to LA as a follow-up joke, and he got tacos in his head. Pulled me out to the place near him at 815pm - late for me!
Got home and found my almost-lost-to-garbage chrysalis was changing color - the pigmentation of the butterfly was increasing and becoming visible! YAY! So while I nom'd my just-purchased instant taters and butter spread (ugh) while I worked to configure a safe place for it to emerge, which was expected sometime in the next 24 hours. I put her in a large bowl with a cover, hung the chyrsalis on a stick on the side. Then to bed. Too full of taters (ugh). But NO M and that's a WIN.
Slept in until almost 7, having woken a few times for the dog. I went downstairs for tea and brekkie, got chatting with LA on text, went back upstairs and found my butterfly - pretty girl - had hatched! I was eating and missed it (ugh). She was on her back, I tipped the paper towel to roll her over, and went downstairs to take her outside. She never really seemed to thrive, didn't grab on to hang on the towel, a stick, or a screen. Small droplets of green-tinged fluid was leaking out under her wings, at her 'shoulders', I'm thinking this is what is supposed to inflate her wings!? After an hour she didn't improve - clumsy, non-grasping, and no wing inflaction. I left her on the screen, on a big milkweed in the sun. She fell off once, picked her back up, but left her for the day without much hope for her survival.
I just learned that they don't hatch, they eclose. I did not however find out what happened in the end with the green fluid. I also learned they eclose in the daylight, often morning!
In good news though, a had another cat go into J last night, then pupate this morning. And 5 of my 6 eggs have hatched!
No Thursday run today. First of many more to come. No answer yet from the Orthopedics doc regarding my questions about the 'usefulness' of crutches - are they for healing or for pain? Waiting on that. I have lots of pain when you loosen the definition of pain to "any sensation of discomfort". I can deal with lots of pain, but don't consider painful discomfort as really "pain". Pain to me is like what stops you from doing something. Like a 100K......the one I walked most of.... hmm. lol.
Looked into the injury more, defining the terms. As I understand it, the stress fracture is on the right pubic bone, is parasymphyeal (meaning it's para/near the symphyseal site, which is the cartilage area between the right and left pubic bones), and it's described by the radiologist as a non-displaced fracture. Looking at the anatomy images, that right where my pain is. I'd been calling it an adductor injury.
I have an odd sort of pride in having this stress fracture -- in that it's a rare one that occurs in long distance runners and triathletes. It means I'm a long distance runner! HA!
Lastly, my mind keeps wandering to one year ago today. Still in hospital, 2nd PCI cancelled, family here visiting, lots of questions. And I can't help but see parallels between my butterflies and last year. My changes, transformations, etc, like the caterpillars.
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
Sushi, MRI, PR interval in TGP. I survived the year!
BIKE 20 miles in 75 mins, 3x TGP solo
COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Chronological order this time.
LA wanted sushi last night, so I went. :) There was some left over, so today's ride was sushi powered.
-----
After I got home, the MRI result was posted:
--Right pubic bone/parasymphyseal stress reaction/fracture
--Minimal partial-thickness chondrosis of the posterior right acetabulum and femoral head
--Mild insertional tendinopathy of the right gluteus minimus muscle.
Labrum appears normal. I think that's the best news
The Dr's accompanying note only states to "rest from running for now...okay to cycle or swim". And "if persistent pain with walking crutches may be useful".
UGH! That is WAY TOO VAGUE for me. Can I cycle more, like century rides? Define pain? Crutches may be useful, for just pain or for expedient healing? Can I go down stairs? Should I dial back walking? UGH.
Well the good news is I shouldn't need surgery! Bad news is no running for 6-10 weeks. Good news is the Ride The Rivers Century is coming up.
-----
Great ride this morning,
#1 16:25 ooh faster than expected, ave HR 139
#2 16:03 holy cool shit, ave HR 151
#3 15:26 FUCKING A!, ave HR 162
I was on a tear, having the MRI result in my head and knowing I was going to be limited the next weeks. I was not quite angry, but for sure on the push. Lookit them heart rates! But better yet, lookit them times -- that 15:26 is only 12 seconds off the PR BE and I set a few weeks ago.
I got done and was wiped out, great energy drain. I like to think I'm faster than this but I was going just about all out. I ended with a headache and "chest pain" that is most likely just my chest muscles being so unused. I wondered, what would I say to the doctors if I came in today (of all days) with another heart attack. I'd say, I went fast because I wanted to see what would happen! Ha!
----
Last night I had three chyrsalis monarchs, 9 cats, and 6 eggs. This morning two of the J cats were dead or dying!, another 1 or 2 cats didn't look to good, but 2 of my eggs hatched. The J cats died during chrysalization, if that's a word. Sad! But that's life.
-----
And speaking of life, I've survived the year. Go Bee!
COMMUTE 9.2 miles
Chronological order this time.
LA wanted sushi last night, so I went. :) There was some left over, so today's ride was sushi powered.
-----
After I got home, the MRI result was posted:
--Right pubic bone/parasymphyseal stress reaction/fracture
--Minimal partial-thickness chondrosis of the posterior right acetabulum and femoral head
--Mild insertional tendinopathy of the right gluteus minimus muscle.
Labrum appears normal. I think that's the best news
The Dr's accompanying note only states to "rest from running for now...okay to cycle or swim". And "if persistent pain with walking crutches may be useful".
UGH! That is WAY TOO VAGUE for me. Can I cycle more, like century rides? Define pain? Crutches may be useful, for just pain or for expedient healing? Can I go down stairs? Should I dial back walking? UGH.
Well the good news is I shouldn't need surgery! Bad news is no running for 6-10 weeks. Good news is the Ride The Rivers Century is coming up.
-----
Great ride this morning,
#1 16:25 ooh faster than expected, ave HR 139
#2 16:03 holy cool shit, ave HR 151
#3 15:26 FUCKING A!, ave HR 162
I was on a tear, having the MRI result in my head and knowing I was going to be limited the next weeks. I was not quite angry, but for sure on the push. Lookit them heart rates! But better yet, lookit them times -- that 15:26 is only 12 seconds off the PR BE and I set a few weeks ago.
I got done and was wiped out, great energy drain. I like to think I'm faster than this but I was going just about all out. I ended with a headache and "chest pain" that is most likely just my chest muscles being so unused. I wondered, what would I say to the doctors if I came in today (of all days) with another heart attack. I'd say, I went fast because I wanted to see what would happen! Ha!
----
Last night I had three chyrsalis monarchs, 9 cats, and 6 eggs. This morning two of the J cats were dead or dying!, another 1 or 2 cats didn't look to good, but 2 of my eggs hatched. The J cats died during chrysalization, if that's a word. Sad! But that's life.
-----
And speaking of life, I've survived the year. Go Bee!
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