I Ain't Settlin'

Heard on the way home after leaving my last PT appt. We canceled this last appt, saved it for the post-surgery time frame. She couldn't give me any expectations, with each surgeon having their own protocol, and because she couldn't say for sure the type of surgery. 

When I got back to the truck, I Hope I Think I Know played, then this, then Take It On The Run, then Running Down A Dream. Feels good. 

Settlin'

Sugarland

Fifteen minutes left to throw me together
For mister right now, not mister forever
Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends
Looking like another: "maybe we could be friends."
I've been leaving it up to fate
It's my life, so it's mine to make

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so-so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything, yeah

With some good red wine and my brand new shoes
Gonna dance up a blue streak around my living room
Take a chance on love and try how it feels
With my heart wide open, now you know I will
Find what it means to be the girl
Change her mind and change her world

I ain't…

Pain Free! For about 4 hours anyway

Got the hip injection around 2:45pm, it's now a little after 5pm and I think my brief pain-free session will be ending soon.

The injection was super quick, so quick it was over before I knew she did it. Then 10-15 mins wait, then eval, then set up appt with surgeon. Best yet -- the surgeon is also an endurance runner!

The day started painful, the hip has really been hurting. Dr Hunt said to come in all 'hurty' and flared up, I didn't have to do much to get there! Last few days have been a mess from back to hip.

PT was painful, OK "painful" as in very uncomfortable on my messed up pain scale. Some exercises were skipped. I did a brief treadmill run, Lauren said my left foot falls louder and my left shoulder/arm swings back too far. Is that from nerve injury? No way to know. But this brief 2 min run HURT -- mostly on the outer hip at the trochanter. It ached even after the run. So I was really ready to be injected after that!

I did a brief post-injection run across the plaza and it felt good. Up the stairs, PT clams and sidesteps with band, piriformis stretch -- all feel good. There is some still some vague pain at the outer hip -- burstitis has been mentioned for that too.

Dr L, Lauren, and now Dr H all say I'm a candidate for surgery. I don't see surgeon until July 18, less than a month. Not sure what to do until then, if pain and discomfort are escalating? Dr L advises me to get less "load" but my load  includes standing, sitting, sleeping too, but he did say to back off on some exercises. Do I need to continue the exercises? I'll talk to Lauren Friday. Will I do them tomorrow? Ugh, dunno.

Separate post on mental things

This might take a while to type. I might not type it. I might not post it. Let's see.

I haven't run now since March 30th I think. Oh yes I miss it, but at the same time I don't. I'm still burned out from R2T100? Is this mental or physical?

When I stopped running in March I was already struggling with having the energy (mental or physical, not sure) to run. But I did it, and it drove me into the ground a bit. I loved the feeling, the habit, the goals, but the pain and burnout took a toll.

I thought a few months off would recovery any physical problems of over training, but not yet. I thought a few months off would leave me like an addict, craving a run, but not yet.

Everyday I see runners, I enjoy seeing them and feel a twinge of jealously. But not as much as I'd expect. Talked to TH on Sunday about her Alcatraz race, didn't feel the desire to do it. Volunteered at Pride 5K and felt a little pull but not much. Remembered that a goal race I'd initially had for July (Route 66) was coming up and didn't care.

Sometimes my mind will jump to a run from last year -- a route, a trail, a hill -- and it turns my gut a bit. What is that about?! What is driving that negative response? It doesn't even sound like fun right now.

OK, granted, chronic pain like I have certainly won't encourage the desire to run. I do have a desire to bike, so I'm not entirely burned out. But my energy is really low, like anemic. Am I depressed? Possibly. Sometimes I think cracks are forming up on my veneer of "keep your chin up", but that's usually a fleeting feeling.

Just wanted to comment on where my head is lately.

June Update: TGP, Pride 5K, PT and hip

I'm still here. Just updated my training peaks and pieced it together from the garmin connect info. Stuff I used to update every day, not 2-3 times a month.

In the past few weeks:
Week of June 12: 82.5 miles bike
Week of June 19: 66.3 miles bike
Week of June 26: only 33 miles so far. It's Tuesday, I have time :)

I'm doing a Monday morning 6am TGP ride with IT, BE, and sometimes JA. LOVE seeing a group, love the park, the perfect weather we've been having, the new pavement and speed humps in the center drive. I missed the 19th from feeling sick over the weekend (GI issues) but otherwise this is a thing. IT is training for IMWI! Yesterday was almost cold, others showed up with arm warmers!

Pride 5K was this past Sunday, it's done and off my list. It went great! I managed to get some extra bike miles going to MG's and Cafe V for meetings, rode to packet pickup, etc. I miss running.

Two weeks ago I had an appt with WashU orthopedics (don't think this made it into the last udpate). Dr Hunt showed me the labral tear on MRI (so tiny) and identified 'tenderness' in the psoas. As Dr L indicated my next step is the diagnostic injection of a numbing agent into the inner hip joint to confirm that is the source of my pain. That happens tomorrow! I'm researching and data collecting as much as I can to make sure this test does not end with an ambiguous result. I'm mentally listing what hurts, where, how much. So updates on that soon. Dr L said today that I should know right away if the numbing agent blocks the labral tear pain.

I see Dr L every two weeks, he's happy with my progress and is focused on my lower back. Thinks I might need more imaging to see about a lumbar injury. I see LaurenH every Weds and Fri, her goal the last two weeks is to get me to the injection. So I'm not advancing in the PT exercises. She adds one most visits, but nothing too advanced yet. I'm stalled on the Clams and Side Steps -- they hurt the hip the most. I am 100% on doing PT exercises every day, I might not hit every single one (sometimes skip ones I don't have the tool for, like a swivel stool or yoga ball). I'm doing everything I can so that I know that I did all that I can do for this.

Sleep seems to be the most painful, but even just sitting here hurts too. Some days are worse than others, some I sleep terribly and others not much of a problem. Walking the dog slowly really hurts too.

Oh the dog! Since my last update she has sloooooowly improved. Still not going up/down stairs, still not walking much, sometimes breaking into a jog early in the walk but it breaks down into a slow mosey by the end. Last few days she's sleeping on first floor, but is more playful and perky. If measured every 3-4 days, you'll see improvement. If measured day by day, too small to mark.

Much Too Young To Feel This Damned Old

All days but Saturday, 9.5 miles commute or errands
MONDAY 20.8 miles 1:21, 3+ TGP loops

Still doing PT with Lauren Weds and Frids, seeing Dr L once every two weeks now. Saw him yesterday and had to report a tight, sore lower back and awful hip and knee pain. My back regressed to 3" flat (2" once he was done), he thinks the deep knee/femur ache due to spinal issue in nerves, and that I should call orthopedics about hip as we've addressed what we can and are now left with the structure problems. If I understand correctly, his explanation was that I'm older than the typical patient with this issue.

So I'll call later today or tomorrow, right now don't want to tie up the phone while waiting for the vet to call. Sugar has been SLOW, like 1/8th speed SLOW, since last Thursday afternoon. She seemed OK in the morning, but different when I got home. SLOW. Hesitant. Molasses. I tried to encourage a walk but no go. Since then, she eats and drinks, follows me around a little but not much, will play if given a toy but doesn't bring them to me, won't do "sit up" trick. No acute distress, no apparent sore spots upon massage and movement, mood seems OK and she's bright-eyed. This morning she followed me around a bit more, but the dead battery smoke detector pushed that from her. A few days ago Pendino suggested trying her Tramadol, started that Monday afternoon and now at 4 doses out she's only nominally improved. Certainly less than ideal. Still a snail, but will bust out a few steps of a jog a few times. Still only walking around 1 block.

Today at PT got two new exercises -- band around ankle , move ankle against band medial then lateral, 10 times each with a 3 sec hold, keeping knee fixed. Will be harder to do at home. 2nd on is standing with one knee on swiveling chair or stool, 30 rotations each side. Also harder to do at home.

On the drive home, Garth Brooks prompted addition to songlist: Oh I'm much too young to feel this damned old.

For both me and the Shoogie

JuneBug

RIDE 19.1 miles in 3x TGP loops, 17:51, 17:31, 17;16

BIKE COMMUTE 9.5 miles

Add in about 1 hour of PT, two walks mid day for a daily goal of 10K... and that's my life this week. It's been my life the past few weeks -- try to get a decent number of steps in, bike commute, more when I can. 

I went home for Memorial Day with Puppy, got in one ride that included road and trail. We sneaked onto the horse trail in Mat Park. Not sure we were supposed to be there...But we loved it! Puppy still a bit muddy :)

After MD holiday my hip was feeling its best yet. Whether it really was improving, or the break from dog walks, stairs, biking, etc was the cause was in question. Based on the last few days, still don't know. PT added some exercises in (the side step with band, one that was previously removed for causing too much pain) so that's another factor. The last few nights have been poor sleep, just hurts in bed. Why then!? Even when I'm not moving, pain roars in after a few mins. I end up moving around a lot to find some relief.

It feels like it needs to be "popped" back into place. Ugh. But I guess that's not the reality.

So as of now I'm 2x a week with Lauren, and 1 every 2 weeks with Dr L. After the 10 day break from Dr L I had some regression in the lumbar flexibility, but he wanted to try 14 days now. Saves me the time, gas, and $$, so I can't argue.  

My original prescription for PT was 4 weeks and I have the impression that after that we'll re-evaluate for a surgery consult. If you'd asked me last Friday, I'd have said things were looking good to avoid surgery. Ask me today, less optimistic. But not giving in, and still positive. 

The bike this morning was my 1st group ride for Monday morning TGP loops. IT joined in my 3rd and last set. I almost didn't do a full 3rd set, I was thinking about getting home instead, so I'm glad he joined! BE plans to join next week. Yay! I miss my group. 

How did I feel in ride? Slower than I'd like, but that's to be expected. The hip doesn't acutely hurt while riding, and I don't think it's worse today after the ride, so I don't think the riding is a major problem. Or am I just telling myself that.  With the cancellation of Dr L's appt tomorrow morning, I think I'll try swimming. Hate to waste yet another month of my Y membership. But what's another month after all last year...

Realized today on the ride that RM said something to me that I took to heart but only today made a connection about. Regarding R2T100, he asked about the possibility of a permanent, run career ending injury. Then somebody else has a few times now tried the "did you learn anything" tact with me (a FAIL, btw, yet it eats at me) that pisses me off bc it tries to make something regretful out of an accomplishment I'm damned proud of. So STFU, right. Well today I realized that I did run R2T as if it could be my last ever race. And I'm damned proud of that. 

Update! Lots happening. Relatively. For a LAZY ASS anyway.

Tuesday, Weds, Thurs, Fri - BIKE COMMUTES
Saturday BIKE 2:36 and 37.4 miles, ave HR 103
Sunday BIKE 1:04 and 15.5 miles, ave HR 117

YAY! I was so happy to send a "wheels down" text to RM to get the Saturday ride scheduled. But first things first.

Tuesday was another appt with Dr L, focused on the lower back. Not much else to report. I'm progressing, although I admit I'm able to detect stiffness and a reluctance to move in the lumbar region. He said I can try biking and we'll see how I held up after a week. Although I don't think he meant 100-some miles in a week...

Thursday was my first appt with Elite PT. I was actively limping, able to do double and single leg squats albeit with terrible form, am not using my glut muscles, and not moving much through the spine. Lots of work to do! I was eval'd by two therapists -- Lauren will be my main person. Happily she's another runner, I feel I'm in good hands. They also noted that L3-L4 and L4-L5 "aren't moving". That's for Dr L.

My daily exercises: seated piriforis stretch (crossed legs), supine piriformis (on floor, on back, cross legs and pull back), IT foam roll, 'lunge' hip flexor stretch, lower abs pelvic tilt (breathing-like exercise, pull ribs to hips), clamshells with gluts tight, and hip-lift bridges. So far the pelvic tilt is the only one that I feel afterwards, wow an ab exercise deficiency! And the clamshells are not not only the hardest to nail the form on (they target the glut mins) they are also most painful for the left side. The "stuck" and "out of place" feeling really apparent here.

Then she did a "movement" manipulation in which she strapped my left out out towards here then wrapped the loop around her to use her weight to pull and move the leg. This seemed to do wonders! Like it really did "pop my leg back" into place which is how I describe the feeling. I walked out without much limp and have felt MUCH better since. I was able to walk do, climb ladders, and bike ride with much less of the chronic symptoms. There were still acute sharp pains, and some of the bone ache.

The weekend rides were a joy, both on Puppy. I rode to RM's met with him and CM, rode to RdP, down to the JB Park on the new trails, loop JB, then back home. I didn't look at the garmin the entire ride :) Didn't care time or distance.  Sunday was a trip to Lowe's to get paint chips, a two-fer-one ride and errand. It took 16 mins to get to Lowes, so I tacked on an extra 15 mins to get one hour by finish.
Second weekend in a row that I went to that Lowes for paint chips :) I keep thinking it might be faster than driving. But it's probably just that much more enjoyable.

The weekend rides did not set me back, so I'm pretty happy about that. No return of symptoms and they were mild if any. As I sit here, my femur has a pulsing ache. Gotta remind myself that I've had just ONE PT  appt, hasn't even been a week yet. Easy Grasshopper :)