This might take a while to type. I might not type it. I might not post it. Let's see.
I haven't run now since March 30th I think. Oh yes I miss it, but at the same time I don't. I'm still burned out from R2T100? Is this mental or physical?
When I stopped running in March I was already struggling with having the energy (mental or physical, not sure) to run. But I did it, and it drove me into the ground a bit. I loved the feeling, the habit, the goals, but the pain and burnout took a toll.
I thought a few months off would recovery any physical problems of over training, but not yet. I thought a few months off would leave me like an addict, craving a run, but not yet.
Everyday I see runners, I enjoy seeing them and feel a twinge of jealously. But not as much as I'd expect. Talked to TH on Sunday about her Alcatraz race, didn't feel the desire to do it. Volunteered at Pride 5K and felt a little pull but not much. Remembered that a goal race I'd initially had for July (Route 66) was coming up and didn't care.
Sometimes my mind will jump to a run from last year -- a route, a trail, a hill -- and it turns my gut a bit. What is that about?! What is driving that negative response? It doesn't even sound like fun right now.
OK, granted, chronic pain like I have certainly won't encourage the desire to run. I do have a desire to bike, so I'm not entirely burned out. But my energy is really low, like anemic. Am I depressed? Possibly. Sometimes I think cracks are forming up on my veneer of "keep your chin up", but that's usually a fleeting feeling.
Just wanted to comment on where my head is lately.
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