RUN/WALK Sunday in Peeler Park - 10.4 miles in 2.5 hours, mostly walking fast (1:38) and slow running (53 mins). Hot and felt great, but right hip hurting by the end. Need strength there!
I didn't pick the park, the time of day, the distance, the pace - and I need to let go of the resentment over it. I wanted to run 6-7am, not 9-10am. I wanted to run 5-7 miles, not 10+. And I didn't want to drive anywhere far to do this. But it's done.
Then we get home and I want to have lunch with LA. He says yes, I wait and wait and wait, I give up at 20-30 mins and he's upset.
I said last week that I'm not going to keep cooking unappreciated "meh" meals on my own and he's upset. My cooking "sucks", according to him. He references my failures (as he understands them) in my previous marriage, good thing he was there to witness it so it makes his argument stronger.
I'm pissed. In the end I wanted HELP with this. I spent my Saturday mowing and helping with truck and garbage disposal repair. I spend my Sunday having him upset because I keep "telling him what to do" and then cooking ALONE for HOURS while he's in bed sleeping and watching his phone. Fucking great. He said he'd help, I asked him to chop veg. He walks by and claims my knife won't cut anything. Well it cut all your fucking veggies, so it cuts.
And so do the words. He compares me to a russian wife. I'm not a russian wife. He says my cooking sucks. I say, then do your own cooking. He says his cooking sucks too. He tells me to "learn" as "that's my job" not his, he only knows how to fix things and kill things. I want to say, then LEARN.
So I end up in the kitchen alone cooking for hours. Literally, hours. I'm not making that up. I started around 3-4 and finished a bit after 7. He keeps asking, come snuggle with me. I'm still cooking, I say. You know, the lunch that sucks that you still want me to make but won't help me with? He wants to sleep and watch TV while I work. WTF.
Then to top if off, slava claims that dad is right, the woman belongs in the kitchen and that's "what I believe". Well your beliefs suck. If that's what heaven will be populated with, then send me to hell.
As for cayate, I'm quiet. Fuck you all. I get to play my podcasts and music. I keep my thoughts to myself. I bite back talking to myself. The car rides are quiet. Got what you wanted. I'm OK with this, but Slava starts pacing and making what he might think are annoying noises but it's 90% tuned out until he apologizes for the noise. He did stop apologizing at least. I don't ask for help. I don't ask for things to get done. I don't share thoughts. I don't join conversations. If it needs to be said, I'll say it. But otherwise fuck you all.
One more week. Unfortunately, the kids might think my quiet is sulking after yesterday, but it's not. LA apologized this morning for "being shitty" to me. I haven't forgiven yet. Certainly haven't forgotten. How could I forget any of this?!
LA wants me to register for the race. I mentioned I wanted to do a race, he invited himself along. THat's fine, two is fun. I mentioned two races that are nearby, he picked the race that I'm not really interested in. I guess that's fine too, or is it - that he's picking all this? I want him to sit down and review the race with me but I've asked 3 times (or more) and nothing back from him. Now he wants me to register!? Am I paying for him too? He invited himself along for the race I'm not wanting to do, he won't review or look at races with me, and I'm guessing I have to pay for the race I don't want to do? WTactualF?!
Well I looked yesterday and the race is sold out. It's been sold out since mind June. Like a blessing in disguise? I'm looking at the alternate races. If he doesn't like them he can stay home. I don't want him to stay home, but I don't want to hear all this shit either.
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